Desire and Jealousy

The last of the Ten Commandments that are in Parshat Yitro is the prohibition of "lo tachmod" -- not to covet something that belongs to someone else.[1] The Ten Commandments appear a second time in Parshat Va’etchanan and are essentially identical to the first. In the second rendition, however, the tenth commandment is the prohibition of "lo titaveh" -- not to desire something that belongs to someone else.[2] This slight difference in wording is noted by the Talmud and many commentaries who derive a number of practical differences and ramifications between the two versions of this commandment.

According to many authorities, one violates the prohibition of "lo tachmod" when one performs some sort of action in order to obtain the property of another. This includes placing extreme pressure on a person to sell something that they don’t really want to sell.[3] This is because the use of pressure qualifies as an "action" for this purpose.[4] One remains in violation of the prohibition of "lo tachmod" even if the item(s) is later purchased legitimately.[5] Indeed, such a "sale" is actually considered to be a form of theft.[6] Furthermore, the seller himself should not go through with such a sale because by doing so he is causing the buyer to violate one or more prohibitions of the Torah as a result of this coerced sale![7]

A person of authority, or otherwise distinguished in the eyes of others, should be especially careful not to exert excessive pressure on someone to part with an item that they are not truly interested in parting with. This is because a person might be intimidated not to refuse a respected individual and would, therefore, agree to sell the item, but less than wholeheartedly.[8] The ban on coercing someone to sell something applies even if one intends to use the item for a mitzva.[9] It is interesting to note, however, that it is permitted to put pressure on someone in order to get them to teach Torah to others[10] or in order to get them to agree to a shidduch.[11]

On the other hand, one violates the prohibition of "lo titaveh" when one becomes obsessed with desire for an item that one knows that one can never acquire. In contrast to “lo tachmod,” no action is needed to violate "lo titaveh."[12] Even just mentally plotting ways to acquire another person's item is included in the prohibition.[13] Indeed, some authorities rule that one does not violate the prohibition of "lo titaveh" by merely desiring an item, but rather, only when one actually begins planning on how to acquire it.[14] It follows, therefore, that one who pressures another into giving him a gift violates “lo titaveh” and "lo tachmod."[15] We are taught that when a person desires the possessions of another, a chain reaction is ignited. First comes the desire (lo titaveh), then comes the jealously (lo tachmod), and then comes theft, whether it is in the form of outright theft or through a coerced, and by extension, illegitimate sale. Desire and jealously have also been known to lead to murder.[16]

There are instances where one can violate "lo tachmod" without violating "lo titaveh.” This can occur when one desires another person's object on behalf of a friend, and then pressures the owner of the item to sell it so that one can give it to the friend. In such a situation "lo titaveh" is not violated since one does not personally desire the item but "lo tachmod" is violated due to one's actions of coercion on behalf of one’s friend.[17] The biblical example of desiring something belonging to another person is the desire for another man’s wife. In this context, one violates "lo tachmod" as soon as one tries to convince a man to divorce his wife so that she will be available for oneself.[18]

The Ibn Ezra questions how a person can be expected not to violate the prohibitions of "lo tachmod" and "lo titaveh.” It is reasonable to demand that a person not steal or engage in other offensive activities. But how does one demand or regulate feelings that are deep in a person’s heart? He answers this question by means of an analogy: When a peasant hears that the princess is seeking a husband, he does not covet her. This is because he is well aware that he is not a candidate for marriage to the princess; there is no chance that the king would allow his daughter to marry such a person. Our attitude should be the same toward all items that are not ours. Just as the princess is completely out of bounds, so too should all property that belongs to others be out of bounds. Everything we have, we have because God wants us to have it, and anything we don’t have, is because God doesn’t want us to have it.

[1] Shemot 20:14.

[2] Devarim 5:17.

[3] Mechilta Yitro 8.

[4] Rambam, Hilchot Gezeila 1:9.

[5] CM 359:10.

[6] CM 359:9.

[7] Teshuvot Sha'arei De'ah 1:149.

[8] Rabbeinu Yona, Sha'arei Teshuvah 3:43.

[9] B’tzel Hachachma 3:43.

[10] Aruch Hashulchan, CM 359:10.

[11] Aruch Hashulchan, CM 359:11.

[12] CM 359:10.

[13] Rambam, Hilchot Gezeila 1:10.

[14] B’tzel Hachachma 3:43.

[15] Rabbeinu Yona, Shaarei Teshuva 3:43.

[16] CM 359:11.

[17] Ma'ayan Hachachma (pg. 12a, note 76), cited in http://www.yutorah.org/_shiurim/Lo%20Tachmod.html.

[18] Sma, CM 359:19.