Yichud

It is forbidden for one to be secluded with a member of the opposite sex, a prohibition known as "yichud." The only exceptions to this rule are one's spouse and other very close relatives. According to many authorities, the rules of yichud are biblical in origin,[1] while according to others they are rabbinical in nature.[2] Alternatively, there is an opinion that yichud with a person that one may not marry is forbidden by biblical law, while yichud with someone that one could theoretically marry is forbidden by rabbinical law. Originally, yichud was only forbidden with married Jewish women. It was only later that the prohibition of yichud was extended to include non-Jews and single Jewish women, as well.[3]

The restrictions of yichud generally only apply to girls above the age of three and boys above the age of nine.[4] As such, a thirty-year-old man may not be secluded with a seven-year-old girl that he is not closely related to. So too, an older woman may not be secluded with a ten-year-old boy. Some authorities are lenient regarding yichud with girls, and rule that the prohibition of yichud only begins when they are five, six, or even seven years old.[5] Children under the age of bar and bat mitzva may be left alone together.[6] There is no maximum age for the restrictions of yichud.[7] There is an opinion that, in extenuating circumstances, one may be lenient regarding yichud when it includes a man who is clinically impotent.[8]

Among the exceptions to the rules of yichud are a mother and her son, and a father and his daughter. The bond between a parent and a child is deemed to be one where there is no reason to suspect that any improper behavior would take place between them.[9] Indeed, we are taught that the Anshei Knesset Hagedola successfully pleaded with God to remove any natural desire for incest.[10] Although yichud does not apply to a brother and sister, they may not live together on a permanent or even long-term basis.[11] Grandparents and grandchildren may also be alone together.[12] With only minor exceptions, the laws of yichud apply to all other relatives.[13]

The laws of yichud often pose a challenge for babysitters. This is because it appears, for example, that a teenage girl may not babysit for a nine- or ten-year-old boy. Nevertheless, the laws of yichud are often relaxed in a situation of "petach patuach” (the door is open) and "reshut harabim” (there are others in the area). In many cases, the restrictions of yichud are only waived when the requirements of both petach patuach and reshut harabim are met. For example, if the front door of the home is left somewhat open (“petach patuach”) and it is daytime or early in the evening when others are likely in the area (“reshut harabim”) then yichud, such as in the babysitting example mentioned above, is permitted.[14]

Additionally, if members of the household, or even other individuals, are likely to enter at any time, without notice, then yichud is often permitted.[15] If other children are present (e.g. the babysitter is watching more than one child), there will often be no yichud restrictions either. Some authorities rule that the leniency of petach patuach and reshut harabim do not apply if the man and woman are friends or otherwise enjoy an informal relationship with each other, a concept known as "libo gas ba."[16] Some authorities permit yichud, even behind a locked door, as long as others have a key and are likely to enter at any time.[17]

In addition to petach patuach and reshut harabim, there is another leniency in the laws of yichud known as "ba’ala ba'ir” (her husband is in town).[18] According to the principle of ba’ala ba’ir, the laws of yichud do not apply to a married woman whose husband is nearby.[19] Nevertheless, here too, the leniency of ba’ala ba'ir does not apply if the man and woman in seclusion are friends or otherwise enjoy an informal relationship with each other.[20]

Furthermore, the leniency of ba’ala ba'ir only applies if the husband knows where his wife is located. If the husband is unaware of his wife's whereabouts, such as if she left the house without informing her husband where she was going, then the leniency of ba’ala ba'ir would not apply in her new location.[21] Similarly, the leniency of ba’ala ba'ir does not apply if the husband is unlikely to return home or if is realistically unable to do so (i.e., he has no car).[22] Many authorities extend the concept of ba’ala ba'ir to include yichud between a man and a woman if the man’s wife is nearby, a concept known as “ishto mishmarto” (his wife guards him).[23]

Other problematic situations of yichud include driving alone with a member of the opposite sex, especially at night, which should be avoided.[24] Common custom is to allow yichud in professional settings, such as a doctor examining a patient, especially if a nurse may walk in without notice.[25] There are, however, a growing number of authorities who are opposed to people being treated by doctors and other professionals of the opposite sex, unless absolutely necessary.[26]

According to some authorities, elevators may also pose a problem of yichud.[27] Nevertheless, most authorities allow one to ride in an elevator with a member of the opposite sex without hesitation. This is because the amount of time generally spent in an elevator is insignificant for the purposes of yichud.[28] It is also noted that an elevator can stop at any moment without warning due to someone on the outside having pressed the elevator call button. Others make no such distinctions and rule that it is forbidden to be in an elevator with a member of the opposite sex.[29]

[1] Avoda Zara 36b; Rambam, Hilchot Issurei Bi’ah 22:1; Aruch Hashulchan, EH 22:2.

[2] Kiddushin 80b; Beit Shmuel, EH 22:1; Tzitz Eliezer 6:40:1; Aruch Hashulchan, EH 22:2; Encyclopedia Talmudit 23:634-635.

[3] Sanhedrin 21b; Avoda Zara 36b.

[4] EH 22:11.

[5] Nishmat Avraham vol. 5, page 135; Children in Halachah pg. 40; Igrot Moshe, EH 4:65:12.

[6] Devar Halacha 2:8.

[7] Kiddushin 81b; Rambam, Hilchot Issurei Biah 22:1; EH 22:1; Divrei Malkiel 4:102.

[8] Igrot Moshe, EH 4:65:10; Tzitz Eliezer 6:40:22.

[9] Kiddushin 81b.

[10] Sanhedrin 64a.

[11] Beit Shmuel, EH 22:1; Chelkat Mechokek, EH 22:1; Imrei Yosher 2:43; Igrot Moshe, EH 4:64:3, Shraga Hameir 4:99; Be'er Moshe 4:145; Tzitz Eliezer 12:8.

[12] Pitchei Teshuva, EH 22:2.

[13] EH 22:1; Igrot Moshe, EH 4:63.

[14] EH 22:9.

[15] Pitchei Teshuva, EH 22:9; Devar Halacha 3:3; Binyan Tzion 138.

[16] Chelkat Mechokek, EH22:13; Beit Shmuel, EH 22:13; Aruch Hashulchan, EH 22:6.

[17] Dovev Meisharim 1:5; Sefer Dvar Halacha 3:3.

[18] Kiddushin 81a.

[19] EH 22:8.

[20] EH 22:8; Aruch Hashulchan, EH 22:6; Devar Halacha 7:17.

[21] Pitchei Teshuva, EH 22:7.

[22] Igrot Moshe, EH 4:65.

[23] EH 22:3; Aruch Hashulchan, EH 22:15.

[24] Igrot Moshe, EH 4:65:3.

[25] Shach, YD 157:9; Yaskil Avdi 2:17; Radvaz. 3:481; Igrot Moshe, EH 4:65:1; Tzitz Eliezer 6:40:12.

[26] Shevet Halevi 3:186; 4:167; Be'er Moshe 3:152:15; Mishne Halachot 7:233; Minchat Yitzchak 7:77.

[27] Minchat Yitzchak 4:94.

[28] Igrot Moshe, EH 4:65:16; Tzitz Eliezer 6:40:22; Imrei Eish, EH 107; She’arim Hametzuyanim B’halacha 152:6; Mishne Halachot 4:187. See also Minchat Yitzchak 4:94-97.

[29] Teshuvot Maharil Diskin, Kuntres Acharon 206.