1,045. Marital Relations

Because of the public nature of these posts, we are omitting some of the more graphic details of this chapter. HaShoneh Halachos encourages interested readers to review these laws more fully in the original sources.

150:1 A man should accustom himself to have extra holiness, pure thoughts and proper intentions when engaging in marital relations. He should not be light-headed or vulgar with his wife, not even when they are in private. Based on Amos 4:13, "and declares to man what is his conversation," the Sages derive that even the casual talk between a man and wife is recounted in judgment.  He shouldn't talk during marital relations, and only what is necessary beforehand.  If he is angry with his wife, then he is not allowed to have relations with her. They can talk things out and settle the matter, then have relations as modestly as possible.

150:2 During marital relations, a man should occupy himself with holy and lofty thoughts,  even though he may not express them out loud. True, one may not even think about holy things in places like filthy alleys, but there the reason is because "your camp shall be holy" (Deuteronomy 23:15). During marital relations, one may not speak of them because of exposed nudity. In such a case, the Sages explained that one may not speak of holy things but he may think of them.

Are you looking for: how often a man is expected to fulfill his conjugal duty? If so, click here.