1,048. The Frequency of Marital Relations

Because of the public nature of these posts, we are omitting some of the more graphic details of this chapter. HaShoneh Halachos encourages interested readers to review these laws more fully in the original sources.

150:7 One should not engage in marital relations excessively, just to fulfill his conjugal duties as per Exodus 21:10, "her conjugal rights he shall not diminish." Men who are healthy and who do light work locally are expected to do so every night. Laborers who do their work in the city are expected to do so twice a week; if they work in another city, once a week. Merchants who go out to the villages with donkeys to sell produce and similar such professions, once a week.  Those who transport merchandise from far-off places by camel, once every thirty days. Torah scholars, every Friday night. One must fulfill his wife's needs even when she is pregnant or nursing (or infertile or post-menopausal - Bi'ur Halacha 240:1 s.v. elah). He may only neglect this responsibility with her permission and if he has already fulfilled the mizvah to procreate. If he refrains from fulfilling his obligation in order to distress her, he violates the Torah prohibition of "her conjugal rights he shall not diminish." (All this presupposes that the husband is physically healthy. If he is not, he is only obligated to do what he is able to do - Mishnah Brurah 240:3.)

150:8 A man must fulfill his conjugal responsibility to his wife on the night that she goes to the mikvah and on the night before he goes on a journey if he is not traveling for the sake of a mitzvah. If a man sees that his wife is making efforts. to attract his attention, he is obligated to fulfill his duty to her even if it is not the usual time; if he does, he will have upright sons. However, if she outright demands that he fulfill her desires, it is considered immodest behavior and he should not acquiesce.