Glorious Gratitude
Adapted by Channie Koplowitz Stein
Written l'iluy nishmat Rav Yehudah ben Dov Kelemer zt"l whose first yahrzeit is this week.
While Hashem appointed Moshe to lead Bnei Yisroel out of Mitzrayim in the last parshah, Parshat Shemos, and indeed Moshe and Aharon had approached Pharaoh to let Bnei Yisroel go to worship Hashem, the actual process of redemption begins in Parshat Voeyra with the beginning of the plagues. However, Moshe is not the one who initiates the first plague, turning the Nile and all the waters of Egypt into blood. Neither does he initiate the second or third plagues, frogs and lice. Instead, Aharon, Moshe's brother whom God had appointed as Moshe's second, brings on these plagues. Our commentators, led by Rashi, all understand that Moshe's recusal from performing this plague, as well as the two other plagues stemmed from a feeling of gratitude toward these inanimate objects. After all, the Nile had hidden and protected Moshe when his mother put the infant into a waterproofed basket among the reeds in the Nile to avoid Pharaoh killing him. And the sand had hidden the Egyptian that Moshe had later slain.
In Let There Be Rain, Rabbi Zechariah Wallerstein and Rabbi Shimshon Finklestein cite Rav Dessler in bringing an additional perspective to our discussion. The issue facing Moshe was not that he would not be glorifying Hashem's Name; that would be accomplished even with Aharon initiating the plague. What was important was the effect these actions would have on the character of Moshe himself. Our actions affect our emotions, and our emotions deeply affect the development of our middos/character. As Rabbi Wolbe notes, a refined person maintains a level of respect for everything he comes in contact with, whether it is food or his clothing, or the chair he sits on. If we accustom ourselves to treat inanimate objects with respect, we sensitize ourselves and are more likely to treat people with respect, whether they are family, friends, acquaintances or service people.
Everything in the world has an "angel" hovering over it, an energy, writes R. Eliyahu Diskin. So even on some incomprehensible level, the object is impacted by our action and we ourselves are also impacted, either intellectually or emotionally. That's why our Sages suggest that the topic of becoming a nazir (one who refrains from wine, etc.) comes right after the topic of seeing an ishah sotah/faithless woman in her disgrace. On some level, say our Sages, anyone who witnessed this was impacted subliminally. One can deduce that one must be proactive in maintaining a proper character, and one must be extremely careful in interacting with the prevailing culture.
We are told that Bnei Yisroel merited being redeemed from Egypt because of three practices that kept them separated and distinct from Egyptian culture: They kept their Jewish names, their Jewish clothing, and their Jewish language, and each of these were actually categories of behavior that impacted their character. As humans, we are wired to be impacted by our surroundings, even if we are unaware of its impact. Therefore, if we are sensitive to inanimate objects, we will also become insensitive to humans, and vice versa.
In Sichot Mordechai, Rabbi Weinberg presents specific examples of how everything we do impacts our character and our future actions. When one trains himself to give tzedakah, he becomes more sensitive to the needs of others. Conversely, if a bus driver who must maintain his schedule closes the bus door while he sees someone running to catch the bus, he will carry that impatience and cruelty home with him. [How often do we hear that the boss who fought with his wife over breakfast, now yells at everyone in the office, and soon the entire office staff is short tempered. CKS]
Rabbi Weinberg suggests an interesting connection to support this idea. The Torah reading of Rosh Hashanah focuses on the birth of Yitzchak and the subsequent need for Avraham Avinu to send Yishmael and Hagar away. But the reading then continues with Avraham entering into a pact with Avimelech and giving him gifts. Rabbi Weinberg suggests that Avraham Avinu wanted to counter the effect of a seemingly cruel action by being generous and doing a positive action. Just as Avimelech did not deserve the chesed that Avraham did with him, so do we not deserve the chesed Hashem does for us. We, too, should carry it forward, emulate Hashem, and do kindnesses for others even if we think they are undeserving. Our goal should be not only to connect to Hashem, but to become a giving person rather than a taker, explains Rabbi Zecharyahu in Omek Haparshah.
What is the difference between a grateful person and an ungrateful one? Rav Dessler explains that an ungrateful person is a taker. He believes he is entitled to everything, that everything and everyone is there to serve him. He has no need to return the generosity, and not even to acknowledge it. If he says, "Thank you," it s with the expectation that sometime in the future he may receive even more. The giver, on the other hand, in uncomfortable taking free gifts. At the very least, if he cannot reciprocate, he offers a heartfelt thank you. Grateful people are givers, while ungrateful ones are takers.
When we start showing gratitude to others, we then project that gratitude to Hakodosh Boruch Hu for all that He does for us, writes Rabbi Fryman in Sha'aray Derech. We must express our appreciation for even small things, for favors that could be only partially completed. One who isn't working on feeling gratitude will eventually begin questioning his emunah, his faith in Hakodosh Boruch Hu. After all, we do not get everything we want, Do we then negate all the good we've received? Conversely, do we deny the big kindnesses so that we can ignore the small kindnesses? How did Pharaoh reach the point of enslaving Bnei Yisroel? He started by choosing to forget all the good that accrued to Egypt through Yosef and the subsequent arrival of Yaakov and his family. From that haughty rejection of acknowledging how others had benefited him and his people, he was able to rewrite history and cast Bnei Yisroel as interlopers, and worse.
Let us start by appreciating our parents, continues Rabbi Fryman. After all, appreciation of our our em/Mother who does everything for us leads to our emunah/faith and gratitude to Hakodosh Boruch Hu Who does everything for and gives everything to us. As we are "guests" in our parents' house, so are we guests in the world, Hashem's house.
The Gemarrah differentiates between a good guest and an improper guest. The good guest appreciates everything he receives from his host, even if it is not exactly to his taste. On the other hand, the improper guest trivializes everything his host does for him. He will rationalize that what he has received at a meal, for example, was just a byproduct of the host cooking for his own family anyway. All the amenities in the home he is visiting become things he is entitled to use and enjoy because the host puts them out for his own family.
We tend to treat Hakodosh Boruch Hu the same way. Why should I as an individual thank Hashem for the sunshine when He makes the sun rise for the entire world? He has let crops grow and given mankind the knowledge to cook and bake food? That's not just for me. Even more egregious is when the guests become squatters who eject the owner from his own house. Every time we engage in sin, we are pushing the Ribbonoh shel Olam away from residing in His house. And if we run into challenges, do we then negate all the good Hashem continually does for us, even if we cannot understand how this challenge is also for our benefit? Our mindset must be that of a giver rather than that of a taker.
Herein lies the absolute difference in character between Moshe Rabbenu and Pharaoh, writes Rabbi Roberts in Through the Prism of Torah. We all inherited the ability to be ungrateful from the father of all mankind, from Adam. When Hashem confronted Adam with having sinned by eating the forbidden fruit, Adam put the blame on God for having provided him with the gift of a wife who gave him the fruit. We are tasked with overcoming this character flaw. Pharaoh failed the challenge, while Moshe passed with flying colors. Moshe repaid the favors of the Nile and the sand even though they benefited him decades earlier. The humble are grateful; the arrogant are not. To be a Jew requires the awareness and constant gratitude for all that Hashem does for us. Our only response is to fulfill Hashem's mitzvoth with joy.
From gratitude comes the sense of humility, and that gratitude should not be limited to just the immediate benefactor, whether person or object. While it was only the Nile that shielded baby Moshe, it was Aharon and not Moshe whose outstretched arm turned all the other waters of Egypt into blood as well, explains Omek Haparshah. Even when the benefit is short lived as it was with the sand covering the body of the Egyptian Moshe killed, one must still acknowledge the benefit and act accordingly, write Rabbi Wallerstein and Rabbi Finklestein.
Animals too deserve our gratitude. Siftei Chayim notes that we redeem the firstborn of a donkey to this day because the donkeys carried our spoils and possessions out of Egypt, and we continue to give dogs our table scraps and non kosher food as a reward for not barking when death came to the firstborn, even though these benefits occurred millennia ago.
So far, we have seen how we must show gratitude not only to people, but also to animals and to inanimate object. But Rabbi Shmuelevits takes it even one step further. He teaches us that we must show gratitude even to that which is the indirect cause of our benefit. When the daughters of Yitro returned home, they told their father that they returned early because an Egyptian man had saved them. But Moshe was not Egyptian. Nevertheless, had it not been for the Egyptian Moshe had killed and for which he had to flee Egypt, he would not have come to Midian and been there to help Yitro's daughters. Since the Egyptian was the initial catalyst enabling the rescue, Moshe told the girls, and they reported to their father, that an Egyptian man saved them. One must acknowledge every benefactor. This is the will of Hashem.
Everything and everyone we come in contact with was put in our path with a purpose to benefit us. We are obligated to them both, to the person and Hakodosh Boruch Hu for each benefit, particularly for our very souls, writes Rabbi Simcha Lifschitz in Peninei Chen.
Gan Naul points out that Moshe did not benefit directly from the waters of the Nile. Yocheved, his mother, had actually put him among the reeds close to the shore. But Pharaoh's daughter had gone down to the waters of the Nile to bathe [some say to go to a mikvah and convert CKS]. That's when she saw the basket carrying a baby which she took home and adopted. So Moshe felt beholden to the water Pharaoh's daughter bathed in for being the catalyst for his salvation.
Rabbi Kreizer relates an incident when a righteous woman inadvertently cursed her yard, Rabbi Chaim Palagei gathered a minyan together and had the woman ask forgiveness from Hashem and from her yard so that the curse would be transformed into a blessing.
R. Spero relates that Rabbi Shach, well into his nineties, went to Tiberiah to be menachem avel Rebbetzin Kook. Why did he make that difficult trip, given his advanced age and health concerns? Rav Shach was a disciple of the Brisker Rav. After the Brisker Rav's child began healing from a serious illness, the child needed to recuperate in the healthful environment of Tiberia. Because this family had taken the child in and cared for him, the Brisker Rav was able to remain at the Yeshiva and continue teaching. Rav Shach felt so strongly that he needed to show his appreciation of the teaching he was able to get from the Brisker Rav during that trying time. So many years later, he still felt grateful and needed to express his gratitude.
[I would be remiss if, in a shiur on hakorat katov, I did not acknowledge the many acts of kindness Rabbi Yehudah Kelemer zt"l, whose first yahrtzeit is commemorated this week, did for so many individual members of our community, including myself, and for West Hempstead as a whole. His sensitive, loving leadership is a role model for us all. While we continue to feel our loss, we are forever grateful to Hakodosh Boruch Hu for gifting us with such an incomparable Morah D'Asra. CKS]
Gratitude is the essence of Judaism. If we have trouble showing gratitude, we are denying our very identity, for we are called Yehudim/Those who show gratitude. May Hashem continue to bless us individually and nationally, and may we have the wisdom to recognize Hashem's kindness toward us and acknowledge it every day, many times a day.