Resources for Yevamos daf 63
1. The גמרא says that in מערבא they used to ask the חתן at the חתונה if he was מצא or מוצא. Many אחרונים are troubled as to what the intent of this question was. First of all, as the חפץ חיים asks (in the first כלל of הלכות לשון הרע in the באר מים חיים ס"ק י"ג), isn’t this just asking him to say לשון הרע? Moreover, why would they be trying to make him feel bad at his wedding? And the most basic question it seems to me is that of the ערוך לנר (on דף ס"ב ע"ב ד"ה בלא תורה): how would the חתן know if she is a good or bad wife when he just married her thirty seconds ago? One would imagine that he wouldn’t have married her if he thought she would be a bad wife. The ערוך לנר answers all these questions with the following incredible explanation: the גמרא on the previous עמוד said that ר׳ חנילאי said that a person without a wife doesn’t have שמחה, ברכה, וטובה. It then says that in מערבא they say that a person without a wife doesn’t have תורה וחומה (חומה refers to protecting him from הרהור according to the מהרש"א). Is there a מחלוקת between ר׳ חנילאי and the בני מערבא? The ערוך לנר explains that there isn’t really a מחלוקת. Rather, ר׳ חנילאי was listing the things a person gets from an אשה טובה. The בני מערבא were listing things that a person can get even from an אשה רעה as ר׳ חייא said “it is enough that they raise our children (which allows us to learn) and save us from sin”. Therefore, the בני מערבא were not asking a question but rather were stating that it doesn’t matter if she is מצא או מוצא. Meaning whether it turns out she is a good wife or bad wife it is still good since you will gain תורה וחומה.
2. The גמרא says that בן עזאי didn’t get married since נפשי חשקה בתורה, אפשר לעולם להתקיים ע"י אחרים. Many אחרונים are bothered as to how that was a היתר? It is true that we normally have a principle of עוסק במצוה פּטור מן המצוה. However, the גמרא in מו"ק דף ט says clearly that this principle does not apply to עסק התורה. It has be this way or no one would ever do any מצוות since they would always be learning! However, the גמרא there says that if it is אפשר ע"י אחרים then one can refrain from the מצוה in order to learn. However, in our case, one would think בן עזאי’s מצוה of פּרו ורבו can only be done by בן עזאי so how was he allowed to refrain from it? The פּסקי תשובה in סימן רס"ב אות א actually disagrees with this assumption and says בן עזאי held that the מצוה of פּרו ורבו was on the community as a whole on not on any one person in particular so he could say it’s אפשר ע"י אחרים (which in fact he said). The קובץ שיעורים in חלק ב׳ סימן י"ט explains that בן עזאי wasn’t פּטור because of עוסק במצוה פּטור מן המצוה. Rather, the פּטור was אונס. In other words, בן עזאי was so connected to Torah that he could not have had a normal married life so אונס רחמנא פּטריה. He says this is מדויק in the רמב"ם in הלכות אישות פּרק ט"ו הל׳ ג who says that someone who is attached to Torah like בן עזאי and doesn’t get married "אין בידו עון". It sounds like it isn’t לכתחילה to not get married but the person won’t get punished for it. The שולחן ערוך הרב inהלכות תלמוד תורה פּרק ג בקונטרס אחרון answers the question with a big יסוד: when it comes to ידיעת התורה, meaning knowing all of תורה שבכתב ותורה שבעל פּה, then that is דוחה כל המצוות since it is a finite amount of information and עוסק במצוה פּטור מן המצוה and ידיעת התורה עדיפא ממעשה. By contrast, when it comes to פּלפּול which is never ending, then one must stop to do מצוות or one would never do any מצוות. Apparently בן עזאי felt that if he were to get married he would permanently lose his עיקר ידיעת התורה so he was allowed to not get married. That which he said אפשר לקיימה ע"י אחרים was just to answer why he was saying how bad it was to not do פּרו ורבו when he didn’t do it himself and wasn’t a נאה דורש נאה מקיים.
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