Motzei Shabbos at Home
Question: May women pick up the phone or turn on the electric lights before hearing Havdalah?
Before doing any forbidden weekday activity, even if it is definitely night and Shabbos is long over, a woman must first recite an abridged version of Havdalah: Boruch hamavdil bein kodesh lechol. Only after reciting this formula is she permitted to perform a weekday activity. Alternatively, she may daven the Shemoneh Esrei of Maariv and recite Atah chonantanu during Atah chonen. Merely saying shavua tov or gut voch, however, or even reciting the “Gut fun Avraham” prayer, is not considered to be a form of Havdalah.231 Even after reciting Atah chonantanu or Boruch hamavdil, a woman may not eat or drink until she hears the berachah of Havdalah recited over a cup of wine (or another appropriate beverage).
Question: Is there a source for the custom that a Shabbos candle that blows out needs to be relit on Motzei Shabbos?
This is not a halachah, nor is it a universally accepted minhag. It is a custom that is practiced by some families, and a person who is not aware of it as a family minhag has no obligation to embrace it. This custom appears to be based on the idea that a mitzvah item should not be discarded in a disrespectful manner. Thus, instead of tossing away a Shabbos candle that did not fully burn, some adopted the custom to relight it on Motzei Shabbos, thereby “discarding” it in a respectful fashion.232
Question: Is eating Melaveh Malkah an obligation? Is there a difference between men and women in this regard?
Shulchan Aruch rules that it is a mitzvah to partake of a seudah on Motzei Shabbos as a way of taking leave of the Shabbos Queen upon her exit. While the halachic obligation to eat this meal is less stringent than the requirement to eat the three Shabbos meals, the poskim strongly recommend that every person take care to fulfill this very special mitzvah, which is associated with many segulos and blessings that last throughout the week. According to Chazal, the bone that will be the source of a person’s revival at techiyas ha-meisim receives its nourishment only from the food eaten at Melaveh Malkah.233
Most poskim, although not all, maintain that the mitzvah of eating this meal applies equally to both men and women.234 Indeed, the Noam Elimelech is quoted as assuring every woman who is careful to eat something for Melaveh Malkah that she will merit an uncomplicated childbirth experience (i.e., easy labor).
Lechatchilah, one should wash for Melave Malka over bread and eat some cooked food as well. When it is difficult to do so, or if one does not have such foods accessible, one can fulfill this mitzvah by eating baked or cooked mezonos foods, fruits or other foods as well. It is additionally recommended to drink something hot or warm during this meal.
The most preferred time to eat Melaveh Malkah is immediately after Havdalah, since at that time the Shabbos Queen is “departing” and needs to be “escorted.” At the very least, one should make sure to eat Melaveh Malkah no later than chatzos. If chatzos has passed, one should still eat Melaveh Malkah until one half hour before alos amud hashachar.
There are a number of hidurei mitzvah that are mentioned by the poskim as enhancements for the mitzvah of Melaveh Malkah. Among them are: setting the table expressly for this meal,235 eating it while still wearing Shabbos clothes,236 lighting candles and singing specific zemiros,237 reciting hamotzi over lechem mishneh,238 cooking or baking fresh food for this meal,239 eating fish during this meal,240 eating it together with others, and bentching over a cup of wine with a zimun.241
Question: Are haircuts and nail cutting permitted on Motzei Shabbos? Are there any other activities that are prohibited on Motzei Shabbos?
There is no specific prohibition to cut one’s hair or nails on Motzei Shabbos, although it may well be considered disrespectful to Shabbos for one to plan to cut one’s hair or nails on Motzei Shabbos and not in honor of Shabbos itself. In the event that one needs to take a haircut or cut one’s nails on Motzei Shabbos, it is permissible to do so.
With regard to other restricted activities on Motzei Shabbos, there are various customs: Some have a custom for women to refrain from sewing or doing any other labor-intensive work on Motzei Shabbos. Others have a custom for them to refrain from labor-intensive work until after they have eaten Melaveh Malkah. Still others have a custom to permit them to do all kinds of work but to prohibit work that will earn money.242 Others do not have any custom with regard to working on Motzei Shabbos, and thus both men and women would be permitted to engage in any kind of work immediately after Havdalah.243 Each family should follow its own custom.
231. Tzitz Eliezer 12:37; Rav S.Z. Auerbach (Shemiras Shabbos Kehilchasah 58, note 31).
232. See Rema, O.C. 610:4 (concerning Yom Kippur) and Kaf ha-Chayim 297:11.
233. Some poskim maintain that the obligation of Melaveh Malkah can be fulfilled by extending the Seudah Shlishis meal past nightfall and eating a kezayis of bread at that time; Be’er Heitev 300:1 and Aruch ha-Shulchan 300:3. Mishnah Berurah, however does not mention this opinion.
234. See Peri Megadim 300:1, Machatzis ha-Shekel and Kaf ha-Chayim 300:2.
235. Mishnah Berurah 300:1.
236. Kaf ha-Chayim 300:14.
237. Mishnah Berurah 300:3.
238. Shelah (Shabbos, Ner Mitzvah).
239. Magen Avraham 300:1. See Igros Moshe, O.C. 4:21-4.
240. Orchos Rabbeinu, vol. 1, pg. 133.
241. Sifrei Chasidus.
242. See the various customs described in Magen Avraham 299:15, Eliyahu Rabbah 299:23 and Tosefes Shabbos 299:18.
243. Aruch ha-Shulchan 299:22.