Oneg Shabbos vs. Mourning
Mourning on Shabbos in Shul
When a mourner during shivah comes to shul on Friday night, it is customary for him to daven Minchah at home and then wait outside the shul until the congregation finishes Lechah Dodi. At that point, the gabbai announces that the mourner is entering the shul and the entire congregation recites haMakom yenachem aloud as the mourner makes his way into the shul and to his seat. The congregation then continues with Mizmor Shir l’Yom ha-Shabbos.
According to Ashkenazic custom, a mourner does not sit in his regular seat in shul throughout his mourning period, including on Shabbos. There is a dispute among early poskim, however, regarding whether he needs to change his seat on the first Friday night and Shabbos as well.109 Rav S.Z. Auerbach rules that on the first Friday night, when a mourner walks into shul after the congregation is already in shul, he should sit in his regular seat, and the next morning he should arrive early and sit in another place.110
The aforementioned custom of greeting the mourner publicly after Lechah Dodi is not practiced everywhere. Many shuls that daven Kabbolas Shabbos well after sunset have dropped the custom, since it is no longer permitted to make a public display of mourning once Shabbos has begun.111
After davening is over, it is permitted to wish the mourner ‘a gut Shabbos’, as is done every week. Refraining from doing so would appear to be a public display of mourning, which is forbidden.112
Although a mourner is not allowed to learn Torah during shivah - and this applies even on Shabbos - there are still certain portions of the Torah that a mourner is permitted to study on the Shabbos of shivah. They include: Shir Hashirim (if he recites it every Shabbos),113 Bameh Madlikin,114 K’gavna, and the weekly Torah portion (shenayim mikra v’echad Targum).115 Some poskim permit a mourner to sing zemiros at the Shabbos table as he normally does, while others forbid it. A mourner may not be given an aliyah to the Torah (even if Shabbos is the seventh day of mourning).116 If he is a Kohen, he should not recite Birkas Kohanim (unless he is the only Kohen in shul).117 He also should not be the Torah reader, unless there is no one else who is able to read the Torah.118
Oneg Shabbos
The mitzvah of oneg Shabbos, making Shabbos a pleasurable experience, includes enjoying good food and drink, wearing freshly laundered clothing, and lighting candles in honor of the day. It also prohibits or restricts certain actions on Shabbos, lest the Shabbos day become sad or stressful. These activities include fasting, crying, and mourning. The following rules apply:
Fasting
Fasting on Shabbos or Yom Tov (except Rosh Hashanah) is forbidden119 min ha-Torah.120 Even fasting for one hour, if it is done intentionally for the sake of fasting, is forbidden.121 Also, even if one does not intend to fast, it is forbidden miderabanan to allow chatzos to pass without having eaten.122 As long as a person has ingested even a hot123 or cold124 drink before Shacharis [or Mussaf], he is no longer considered “fasting” and he may wait until after chatzos to begin eating. Nevertheless, it is strongly recommended to begin eating the Shabbos morning meal before chatzos,125 since some halachic authorities maintain that one does not fulfill the obligation to eat a Shabbos meal, even bedieved, if it begins after chatzos.126
If one inadvertently fasted on Shabbos when it was prohibited to do so, one must atone for that sin by fasting an additional day sometime during the following week.
Under certain specific conditions, it is permitted to fast on Shabbos:
If eating will harm one’s health, it is permitted to fast on Shabbos since, for such a person, it is a greater oneg Shabbos to fast than to eat. Obviously, a person who can eat just a kezayis without harming himself must do so. Similarly, although it is a mitzvah to eat hot food on Shabbos, a person is exempt from this requirement if it will be harmful to his health.127
A person who fasts daily and will suffer from an upset stomach, discomfort, or distress if he eats on Shabbos, even if only a kezayis, is permitted to fast on Shabbos even if eating will not actually harm his health.128
Technically, the halachah permits fasting a ta’anis chalom on Shabbos if one has had a disturbing dream on Friday night.129 This is permitted based on Chazal’s tradition that the best antidote to a “bad dream” is a fast, coupled with teshuvah.130 Fasting, therefore, will give the dreamer greater oneg Shabbos than eating. There are many different opinions as to what constitutes a “bad dream,” and in the final analysis, the poskim agree that nowadays we may no longer fast a ta’anis chalom on Shabbos.131 Instead of fasting, the poskim recommend being meitiv chalom, which is permissible on Shabbos.132 Another option is to commit oneself to a ta’anis dibbur, which will restrict one from engaging in idle talk for the remainder of Shabbos.
Crying and Mourning
It is forbidden to cry (or sigh heavily133) on Shabbos. Still, if crying (or sighing) will allow a person to release pent-up emotions and alleviate his pain or distress, it is permitted, since this type of crying is considered an oneg Shabbos for that person.134 It is permitted to cry as a result of inspiration (deveikus),135 but crying out of remorse (teshuvah) is forbidden.136
Although it is permitted to comfort a mourner on Shabbos, the custom is not to do so.137 A person who will not be able to fulfill the mitzvah at any other time, however, may do so on Shabbos.138 Some have a custom that when they comfort a mourner on Shabbos, the nichum consists of no more than a brief stay without any explicit words of nechamah uttered.139
In order to avoid sadness or stress on Shabbos, we generally do not daven140 for personal needs of a material nature, such as good health or a better livelihood.141 Supplications such as Avinu Malkeinu or the Ribbono Shel Olam commonly said during Birkas Kohanim, which contain such requests, are not recited on Shabbos. Still, there are many exceptions to this rule: Tefillos such as Elokai Netzor and Yekum Purkan are recited by all communities despite the fact that they contain personal requests.142 Other tefillos that contain personal requests, such as the harachamans recited after Birkas ha-Mazon,143 the Yehi Ratzon and Yechadsheihu recited before and after Birkas Hachodesh,144 and the Ribbon ha-Olamim recited before Kiddush on Friday night, are recited in some communities and omitted in others.145
All poskim agree that it is permitted to make personal requests on Shabbos for spiritual matters, such as beseeching Hashem for assistance in learning Torah or davening with more kavanah, etc.146
It is forbidden to daven on Shabbos for recovery of a sick person who is not dangerously ill (choleh she’in bo sakanah).147 Davening for a patient who is critically ill and in immediate danger of dying is permitted both in private and in public. Davening on behalf of a patient who is critically ill but not in immediate danger of dying is permitted only in private, but a public gathering for Tehillim or prayers for his recovery may not be convened.148 Still, if the patient requests it and may become agitated if his request is denied, it is permitted to convene a public gathering on his behalf.149
109. See Taz, O.C. 526 and Shach, Y.D. 393:7. The debate revolves around the question of whether changing his seat at that point would constitute a public display of mourning, which is forbidden on Shabbos.
110. Shemiras Shabbos Kehilchasah 65, note 104.
111. See Mishnah Berurah 287:3, Shemiras Shabbos Kehilchasah 40, note 94 and Nishmas Yisrael 1:22.
112. See Gesher ha-Chayim 21:7-3.
113. Chazon L’Moed 16, note 14, quoting Rav Y.C. Sonnenfeld.
114. See Shemiras Shabbos Kehilchasah 65:13.
115. Shach, Y.D. 400:4.
116. Y.D. 400:1. If the mourner is a chiyuv to receive an aliyah for another reason, a rav should be consulted.
117. O.C. 128:43; Gesher ha-Chayim 20:3-5.
118. Birkei Yosef, Y.D. 400:2.
119. O.C. 288:1.
120. O.C. 570:1. Others maintain that it is divrei kabalah; see Beiur Halachah 288:1. s.v. assur.
121. Mishnah Berurah 288:1. See Beiur Halachah, s.v. ad.
122. Rema, O.C. 288:1 rules that even a person who is learning or davening should not fast past chatzos. Mishnah Berurah quotes some poskim who are somewhat more lenient in such situations.
123. Aruch ha-Shulchan 288:1
124. Elef ha-Magen 597:2; Ashrei ha-Ish, Shabbos 1:5.
125. Aruch ha-Shulchan 288:2.
126. Bach, quoted by Mishnah Berurah 334:2.
127. Mishnah Berurah 257:48.
128. O.C. 288:3, as explained by Aruch ha-Shulchan 4.
129. O.C. 288:4.
130. Mishnah Berurah 220:6.
131. See Mishnah Berurah 288:15, Aruch ha-Shulchan 288:13, Orchos Rabbeinu, vol. 3, pg. 213, and Ma’aseh Ish, vol. 1, pg. 160 quoting Chazon Ish.
132. Mishnah Berurah 220:3.
133. Mekor Chayim 288:2.
134. Rema, O.C. 288:2. See explanation in Aruch ha-Shulchan 288:5-6.
135. Mishnah Berurah 288:4, based on Taz.
136. Kaf ha-Chayim 288:11, based on the Shelah.
137. Aruch ha-Shulchan, O.C. 287:3; Gesher ha-Chayim 20:5-2.
138. Aruch ha-Shulchan, O.C. 287:1.
139. Kaf ha-Chayim, O.C. 287:4. See Shevet ha-Levei 4:53.
140. Having in mind personal requests without verbalizing them, however, is permitted; Shulchan Shlomo (addendum, pg. 43).
141. Mishnah Berurah 288:22. See background information in Midrash Tanchuma (Vayeira).
142. See Rema 284:7 and Shulchan Aruch ha-Rav 14.
143. See Mishnah Berurah 188:9 and Ma’asei Rav ha-Chadash 19. See also Teshuvos v’Hanhagos 3:95.
144. See Aruch ha-Shulchan 417:9 and Teshuvos v’Hanhagos 3:95.
145. See Shealas Ya’avetz 125 and Sha’arei Teshuvah 262:2.
146. Halichos Shlomo, vol. 1, 14:11.
147. Mishnah Berurah 288:28. While many poskim maintain that a mi shebeirach also may not be said for a choleh she’ein bo sakanah, it is customary in most places to permit it.
148. See Shulchan Aruch ha-Rav 288:9 and Shemiras Shabbos Kehilchasah 40:59.
149. Igros Moshe, O.C. 1:105.