Honoring Havdalah
Adapted by Channie Koplowitz Stein
In Parshat KiTisa we have a reinforcement of the mitzvah of Shabbat and the severity of anyone desecrating Shabbat. Towards the end of this passage, we have the two verses that many include in their Shabbat Day Kiddush: “The children of Israel shall observe the Shabbat, to make the Shabbat an eternal covenant for their generations. Between Me and Bnei Yisroel it is a sign forever that in a six day period Hashem made heaven and earth, and on the seventh day, He rested and was refreshed.” And so we sanctify the Shabbat over a cup of wine, both evening and day, and we separate from Shabbat over a cup of wine, sweet smelling spices and the fire of a candle with two wicks.
We also include in the Havdalah Prayer a verse from the Megillah, “Layehudim hoytah ora vesimcna vesason viyekor/The Jews had light and gladness, and joy and honor.” During Havdalah, we also add,”Kein tihiyeh lanu/So shall it be for us.” Rabbi Feiner asks what connection is there between this verse and the Havdalah ritual, and why do we add that last phrase? Rabbi Gamliel Rabinowitz suggests that over Shabbat we had a neshamah yesayrah/an additional, spiritual soul. Now that Shabbat has ended, we feel sad at losing this special soul. However, when we recite this verse, we remind ourselves that we remain Jews, and this message should encourage us.
It seems counter-intuitive that we drink wine at Havdalah when we are sad at the departure of our neshamah yesayrah, notes Rabbi Gedaliah Schorr in Halekach Vehalebuv. After all, wine is associated with joyous occasions. But havdalah literally means we are making distinctions, and we celebrate our ability to discern the difference between kodesh vechol/the holy and the profane. Havdalah is knowledge, and it can be used to either exclude, include or both. As an example, a mechitzah/divider in a shul excludes women from the men’s section. But by installing a mechitzah, women can attend shul and be included in praying there, can listen to the Megillah, and participate in other religious activities. So on one level, we can say that Havdalah is meant to exclude Shabbat from the rest of the week.
Rabbi Pincus provides an analogy to help us understand the significance of Shabbos in our relationship to Hashem. Shabbos is like the yichud/seclusion room a bride and groom enter immediately after their wedding ceremony. This is a time of intimacy between them, uninterrupted by thoughts of business or housekeeping chores. They focus strictly on each other. Anyone who enters this private domain is gravely transgressing norms of social etiquette. Similarly, any non Jew who decides to observe all the laws of Shabbos is equally transgressing a grave law and is liable for the death penalty.
As Halekach Vehalebuv notes, this relationship between Hakodosh Boruch Hu and Bnei Yisroel is testified to in Vayikra 20:21: “You shall be holy for Me… and I have separated you from the peoples to be Mine” [I hear echos of the marriage ceremony, “You are sanctified unto me with this ring...” CKS] We, Bnei Yisroel, must recognize and accept this separation and difference. If we do not, Hashem will do it for us. Throughout history, when we sought to integrate and assimilate, and become part of the surrounding culture, antisemitism grew stronger.
The Jews in ancient Persia were indeed trying to ingratiate themselves into Persian culture, attending Achachverosh’s party with the other citizens of Persia. Enter Haman. Haman identifies the Jews as separate and worthy of annihilation. Mordechai dons sackcloth and ashes, and convinces Esther to take steps to annul the decree. When Achashverosh then gives Mordechai his signet ring with permission to rewrite the decree with a different spin that allows the Jews to protect themselves, Mordechai then leaves wearing royal robes Achashverosh gave him. At that point, “the Jews had light and gladness, and joy and honor.” The danger was not yet over, and the Jews would still need to battle for their lives. Why then were they so joyful at this time, asks Rabbi Feiner. Because, suggests Rabbi Feiner, when the saw Mordechai leaving the palace in royal robes, they understood that now the king had aligned with them and not with their enemies. They understood that the King of kings was interacting with them in a supranatural way, not as he did with the other nations, and clothing Mordechai and Bnei Yisroel in royal privilege.
This separation, here of Bnei Yisroel from the nations of the world, is the very thesis of Havdalah, continues Rabbi Feiner. “Hen/Behold it is a nation that dwells in solitude,” prophesied Balak. The medrash notes that the word Hen, seemingly superfluous, encapsulates the essence of our nation’s separateness. To come to the round figure of 50 or 100, every number has a different partner. Only 5, the letter heh, or fifty, the nun, partner only with themselves to achieve wholeness; only Bnei Yisroel remains complete and unique when they remain only with their distinct identity. In fact, citing Rabbi Zelik Epstein, Rabbi Feiner notes that, “The Jews had light and gladness and joy and honor,” refers to the four mitzvoth that distinctly identify a Jew: Torah, yom tov, bris milah, and tefillin. Even the wine we drink may not be prepared and contaminated by a non Jew’s touch.
The wine we drink at Havdalah emphasizes this fact, and so everyone, including all the listeners, respond with this verse, adding, “Kein tihiyeh lanu/so let it be with us,” let us always take Jewish pride in our separate and unique position in the world.
But how can Havdalah also be a source of including Shabbat into the other days of the week?
We begin our discussion with Rabbi Shapiro’s Chazon Lamoed. When Hashem created Adam, He breathed into him his soul and clothed him in a special light. When Adam sinned, Hashem took this light away and concealed it. When Bnei Yisroel said, “naaseh venishma/we will do and we will hear,” two angels bearing crowns came down for each Jew, crowns of that primal light. Unfortunately, when we sinned again with the golden calf, Hashem again took away that light, giving it only to Moshe whose face shone with that light upon his descent from Sinai. This is the gift in which Moshe rejoices. writes the Shvilei Pinchas. But Hashem has a special treasure, Shabbat, which He then gifts to Bnei Yisroel. This gift repairs the relationship between ourselves and Hakodosh Boruch Hu. And Moshe then shares this gift of light with Bnei Yisroel on Shabbat.
Why do we get this gift on Shabbat? That light is the light reserved for tzadikim in upper realm of olam haba, and since Shabbat is a reflection of olam haba in this world, it is the appropriate time to experience a glimpse of this aura.
This “aura” is the light of the additional neshamah that Hashem breathes into us every erev Shabbat, that special neshamah and light Hashem breathed into Adam. This is the nefesh that Hashem “created” by resting and “refreshing His soul” on Shabbat. It is now accessible to us every Shabbat. Often we are not even aware of the beauty and aura of Shabbat. But Hashem tells Moshe to tell us, so we know at least intellectually even if we do not yet feel it emotionally, that Hashem has sanctified us. But at the conclusion of Shabbat, that extra, heavenly, upper soul and light must depart.
Rebbetzin Smiles presents an analogy that clarifies the relationship between these two souls. Imagine a jigsaw puzzle. The box’s lid has a picture of the completed puzzle. Inside are all the pieces necessary, but they are in disarray. The picture on the box lid shows us our upper, completed soul. The pieces represent our lower soul, fragmented within our physical body. On Shabbat we get to see that picture, however briefly, and have a vision of our potential.
On Purim, with our re-acceptance of the Torah, we get back those crowns just as we do on Shabbat, writes the Shvilei Pinchas. The Havdalah candle’s two wicks represent both shamor/observe and zachor/remember Shabbat, and also the heroes of our Purim history, Mordechai and Esther.
The Jew must find delight within and with his relationship to Hakodosh Boruch Hu, not in the external culture around him, writes the Shvilei Pinchas. This joy is most accessible on Shabbat. But we must make Shabbat enjoyable. We eat delicious meals, usually more abundant than during the week. After all, we’re feeding an addition Shabbat soul. Our activities should be joyful, reflecting the expansion of self, spending quality time with family and friends, and especially with our Creator.
Rabbi Zeichik in Ohr Chodosh cites the Machzor Vitri in relating an interesting halachah. It is gemerally preferable to recite a brachah over a whole roll rather than a slice of bread, except when the slice is left over from Shabbat. Such is the beauty and importance of Shabbat that we want to extend it into the rest of the week and yearn for the coming Shabbat. We try to add some time to bring Shabbat in early and escort it out later than the mandated time so that it extends into the week. As Shabbat changes us, so should we try to make those changes part of us and then them with us into the week.
In fact, writes Rabbi Uriel Schonberg in Ohr Tzafun, the purpose of the entire week is to serve and prepare for Shabbat. Hashem gives us back the primal light from within us every Shabbat, but some of it still remains within us and within Torah when Shabbat leaves. Havdalah is about externalizing the effect of Shabbat into the world.
The Havdalah ceremony has an unusual pattern, notes Rabbi Schonberg. We begin with some relevant verses, continue with blessings on the wine, spices and fire, end with some additional verses, and finally drink the wine. How are we permitted to create a break between the blessing over wine and drinking the wine? Citing the Vilna Gaon, Rabbi Schonberg notes that all our senses are involved in the Havdalah ritual and are part of the whole. We smell the spices, see the flame and touch the candle, we hear the blessings and taste the wine. We must carry Shabbat into the new week by using all our senses.
Since Shabbat is a symbolic mini Gan Eden in our secular world, Rabbi Schonberg makes the connection to Gan Eden through Yitzchak and Yaakov Avinu. When Yaakov entered to receive his father’s blessing, Yitzchak commented that he smelled the aroma of the Garden Hashem had blessed, Gan Eden. We can infuse every one of our actions with the intent that will leave it with a sweet aroma rather than reeking of something “rotten.”
For 36 hours, Adam enjoyed the primal light, but when Shabbat ended, the light left and darkness descended. To allay Adam’s fears, Hashem gave Adam the knowledge to rub two stones together to create light. Others say that Hashem brought Adam fire to show him the He was still with him in spite of his sin. [I do not find these two views necessarily mutually exclusive. CKS] We want to bring this connection with Hashem into the mundane world. According to our medrash, Adam before the sin was transfused and covered with light, transparent. Once he sinned, Hashem covered Adam in opaque animal skin. To remember that first light within us, we put our still transparent fingernails toward the light of the candle to remind us that we can still go back to that state on Shabbat, and we can still create transparency with our hands. While by putting my fingers out to the light, I am concealing the transparency of my palms, I am extending that light outward and then bringing it back to me. Facing my palms outward and down, the palm representing Shabbat and that concealed light, is hidden from me. Bringing my hands back, even my thumb gets tucked under, but I can still see my fingernails. I can still bring the light of Shabbat into my week.
The Havdalah cup becomes the vessel to carry Shabbat into the week. The custom is to overfill the cup so that some wine pours out, symbolically letting the sanctity of Shabbat flow out into the week, says the Shvilei Pinchas.
The story of Purim constantly informs our Havdalah ritual. Some even have the custom of using the fragrant hadassim/myrtle leaves for the sweet smelling spices, in deference to Esther whose given name was Hadassah. Even Mordechai is alluded to, as mor/myrrh, also a sweet smelling spice.
Just as Mordechai and Esther established Purim for all generations that would follow, so should we establish the aura of Shabbat and our relationship to Hakodosh Boruch Hu for the entire week that follows.