264. Shiva: The obligation to mourn for relatives

We are now told the seven exceptions for whom a kohen may render himself ritually impure.

“Seven?” I hear you ask. “Don’t you mean six? Mother, father, son, daughter, brother and unmarried sister – that’s six!” Not so! You’re forgetting the words “his close relative.” Why does the Torah say that? What does that add to our verse? I’ll tell you what it adds: it adds his wife! (See Rashi on Leviticus 21:2, citing the Sifra.)

Not only may a kohein render himself impure for a close family member, he actually should do so. The Talmud in Zevachim (100a) speaks of a certain kohein whose wife died the day before Passover – the busiest day in the Temple! He didn’t want to become impure for her, but the other kohanim compelled him to do so.

The reason a kohein should actually become impure for such relatives is because everyone – both kohein and non-kohein – has an obligation to mourn the passing of their seven next of kin: mother, father, sister, brother, son, daughter and spouse. Our practice is to “sit shiva,” i.e., to mourn for seven days. Shiva is not a Biblically-mandated practice per se but it does have a precedent in the Torah: Joseph mourned his father Jacob for seven days (see Genesis 50:10 and Talmud Yerushalmi Moed Katan 3:5). One might fulfill the Biblical commandment to mourn by doing so on a single day but according to the Talmud Yerushalmi (Kesubos 1:1), it was Moshe who instituted that we should sit shiva as Joseph did. As you can see, the practice is pretty thoroughly entrenched among the Jewish people.

The mourning period does not begin until after the burial. After shiva, there is a continuation of mourning until the end of thirty days (called “shloshim”). For a parent, mourning lasts a full 12 months (though Kaddish is only recited for 11 months). A different degree of mourning is observed during each of these periods.

The basis of this mitzvah is that a person’s heart and mind are drawn after his actions. After the death of a close relative, the Torah requires us to mourn in a certain fashion so that we will deal with our grief and focus on what’s truly important. Without a proper mourning mechanism, people can act out in any number of ways. We have been given a constructive manner of dealing with such painful situations.

The obligation to mourn close relatives is discussed in the Talmud Bavli in Zevachim 100a-b and Moed Katan 14b-15b and is codified in the Shulchan Aruch in Yoreh Deah 373. This mitzvah is #37 of the 248 positive mitzvos in the Rambam’s Sefer HaMitzvos and #59 of the 77 positive mitzvos that can be fulfilled today in the Chofetz Chaim’s Sefer HaMitzvos HaKatzar.