338. If You Don’t Have Anything Nice to Say…: The prohibition against verbal oppression

The previous mitzvah told us not to injure one another financially; this mitzvah tells us not to do it verbally, either. Examples of “verbal oppression” (ona’as d’varim in Hebrew) include such hurtful statements as reminding people of their past misdeeds or suggesting that their suffering is a result of their own sins. (It may be true but it’s not what they need to hear!) Sending someone on a fool’s errand as a practical joke or feigning interest in an object one has no intention to purchase also constitute ona’as d’varim.

The Talmud in Baba Metzia (58b) tells us that verbal oppression is even worse than financial oppression. If I overcharge you, I can always return the money you overpaid. If I insult you or hurt your feelings, saying that I’m sorry can never completely remove the sting of my thoughtlessness.

The basis of this mitzvah is that words can and do hurt. If we speak pleasantly to one another, there will be peace in the world. If we verbally attack one another all the time, even if we keep our hands to ourselves, we will have nothing but enmity.

This mitzvah applies to both men and women in all times and places. It is discussed in the Talmud in tractate Baba Metzia, on pages 58b-59a; it is codified in the Shulchan Aruch in Choshen Mishpat 228. This mitzvah is #251 of the 365 negative mitzvos in the Rambam’s Sefer HaMitzvos and #48 of the 194 negative mitzvos that can be fulfilled today as listed in the Sefer HaMitzvos HaKatzar of the Chofetz Chaim.