181. Ego and Anger

29:3 Ego is terrible quality that one may not have even in small amounts. A person must train himself to be humble as the Sages say in Pirkei Avos (4:4), “Be exceedingly humble.” How does one train himself to be humble? Always speak softly. Tilt your head so you’re looking down but direct the thoughts of your heart upwards. Consider others as greater than yourself. If the other is a greater Torah scholar, honor him. This is also true for those who are wealthier, since we see in the Talmud (Eiruvin 86a) that Rav Yehuda HaNasi honored the wealthy. Since God is the one who apportions wealth, we should assume that the other person is deserving of it and therefore a great person. If another person is less learned or less wealthy, we should assume that they are more righteous than ourselves. Since the other person is less learned, if we see him commit a sin, we must give him benefit of the doubt that he didn’t know what he was doing. But when we ourselves commit a sin we must not justify it this way. If a person follows this course of action, he will invariably break the chains of ego.

29:4 Anger is another terrible trait from which we must distance ourselves. We should train ourselves not to become angry, even over things that justifiably anger a person. If a person needs to admonish members of his family, he should make himself appear to be angry but not actually let himself become angry. The Talmud says (Brachos 29b) that anger leads a person to sin. The Talmud in Shabbos (105b) compares a person who becomes angry to one who serves idols, while Nedarim (22a) says that Gehinnom (Hell) rules over such a person. An angry life is no life at all. Therefore, we are obligated to distance ourselves from anger until even legitimately frustrating things don’t get to us. This is the way of righteous people: if insulted, they do not insult others; if shamed, they do not respond; they act from love and are positive even when they are suffering.