186. Hating Others

29:13 If one hates a fellow Jew in his heart, he violates a Torah prohibition (Leviticus 19:17). If someone is wronged by another person, he should not despise him and seethe silently as we see wicked people do in II Samuel 13:22, “Avshalom did not talk to Amnon, neither good nor bad, because Avshalom hated Amnon.” Rather, one should confront the person and ask why he wronged him. It is a mitzvah to constructively rebuke one who has done wrong (Leviticus 19:17 again). If the offending party mends his ways and asks for forgiveness, it is appropriate to forgive him. We see in the Torah (Genesis 20:17) that Abraham asked God to heal Avimelech, who had wronged him. Avos d'Rabbi Nosson says that a person should not decide to love the wise and hate the students or to love the students and hate the uneducated. One’s disdain should be reserved solely for heretics, those who entice others to idolatry and those who betray their own. King David said similarly in Psalms (139:21), “I will hate those who hate You, God…” The Torah tells us (Leviticus 19:18) “Love your neighbour as yourself; I am God.” The reason to love our neighbor is because God made him, too. You should love him until such times as his actions may put him opposing God.

29:14 One may not pray for Divine retribution to strike one who has wronged him so long as the matter can be settled in court. If a person’s course of action is to ask God to smite another, he himself will be punished first. Even if the matter cannot be settled in court, some authorities prohibit asking God to smite the other party without at least warning him first.