188. Embarrassing Others

29:17 We are not permitted to embarrass others, neither through words nor through actions. The Talmud tells us (Baba Metzia 58b) that one who embarrasses another in public forfeits his portion in the World to Come. The Talmud continues (59a) that it would be better to allow oneself to be thrown into a burning furnace than to embarrass another in public as we see from Tamar in Genesis chapter 48. She was willing to risk being burned rather than humiliate Yehuda in public. One may not call another by a degrading nickname or relate embarrassing stories. If the other has wronged him and needs to be rebuked, we still may not cause him shame. That’s as far as interpersonal matters but if a person is an unrepentant sinner in a religious matter, he may be shamed publicly and his sin publicized. He may be berated until he corrects his behavior – this is what the prophets used to do. This is not considered verbal oppression; we may brate those who do not change their ways after being privately and gently rebuked (see Talmud Baba Metzia 59a). 29:18 If a person has been wronged and he does not wish to confront him, he may forgive him in his heart without bearing a grudge. This is actually a pious course of action since the Torah tells us to rebuke in large part so that we may get our resentment out of our systems.