192. Borderline Lashon Hara

30:4 Some things contain an aspect of lashon hara. For example, if someone says, “Don’t talk about so-and-so; I don’t wish to discuss what happened.” Speaking positively of someone in front of his enemies also contains an aspect of lashon hara since it encourages them to reply with negative comments. Regarding this, Solomon said in Proverbs (27:14) that one praises his friend in a loud voice, early in the morning, is like one who curses him since this positive act has a negative consequence. Simiar to this is the case of one who jokingly disparages another without malicious intent - see Proverbs 26:18-19, regarding one who shoots arrows and other projectiles at his friend and then says he’s only joking. This is also true of one who cleverly slanders another with plausible deniability, claiming he didn’t know the information was derogatory.

30:5 It makes no difference if the party being disparaged is present; one still may not speak lashon hara about him. The same is true even if the slander is being spoken only to annoy the one being spoken about. If something has been discussed in front of a group of three, we may assume that is is public knowledge. One of the three may therefore speak of such information if his intention is not to spread it further. To protect oneself from speaking lashon hara, one should study Torah or work on his trait of humility.