1,458. A Woman Who Doesn't Want to Be Bothered About Marriage

Hilchos Ishus 4:5

Let’s say that a man was selling produce, utensils or some other merchandise and a woman asked him for some of his wares. The man asks her, “If I give it to you, will you be consecrated to me?” and the woman replies yes. In this case, she is consecrated when he gives her the merchandise. However, if she replies, “Just give it to me,” “Hand it over,” or some another reply that suggests that he not bother her about marriage and just fill her order, then she is not consecrated even though he gives her what she requested. Similarly, if he was drinking wine and she asked him for a cup and he asks her, “If I give it to you, will you be consecrated to me though it?” If she replies, “Just let me drink,” “Give it to me,” “Serve me the drink,” or “Pour it,” she is not consecrated. The implication of her words is that she just wants to be served a drink, she doesn’t want to be bothered with his nonsense about marriage.

Hilchos Ishus 4:6

If a man consecrates a woman in front of one witness, his act is meaningless. This is so even if the man and the woman both acknowledge the transferal of kiddushin. The act is all the more meaningless if a man gives a woman kiddushin without any witnesses at all. If a man gives a woman kiddushin in front of people who are not qualified to serve as witnesses under Biblical law, then marriage is not effected; if they are not qualified to serve as based upon rabbinic legislation, or if there is a doubt as to whether or not the witnesses are valid under Biblical law, then he can either give the woman kiddushin again in front of valid witnesses or give her a get (bill of divorce) because of the doubt. This is the case even if the woman contradicts the witnesses and denies receiving the kiddushin. This is actually the case whenever there is a doubt as to whether or not marriage has been effected: the man must either give the woman kiddushin again in a way that is definitely acceptable or he must give the woman a get because of the doubt.