Responding to Letters

It's fair to say that most people, including this writer, are greatly disturbed by those who don't respond to letters, emails, or return phone calls within a reasonable amount of time. In fact, in the event of a first time correspondence, the timeliness in which a person responds is actually the only gesture which offers a glimpse into that person's level of derech eretz.

In fact, failing to respond to others in a timely manner is not only distasteful behavior but it is actually a Torah transgression, as well. As Rabbi Chaim Palagi writes:[1]

"Derech eretz kadma l'torah….Therefore, one who has received a letter from a friend should respond immediately as there are a number of prohibitions which one may violate by not responding in a timely manner. Responding to a correspondence is basic derech eretz, and forcing someone to yearn for a response has the potential to cause that person long term health concerns… It may just be that one's reply will be the catalyst for some type of mitzva to be performed… Not responding causes the one who sent the letter great pain while he waits for his query to be addressed. It is also cruel and a sign of arrogance. He who judges the world will pay back such people midda k'negged midda. I myself have sent letters to many prominent people, and those who failed to answer my letters fell to unfortunate circumstance."

Furthermore, in yet another one of his works,[2] Rabbi Palagi quotes the Re'im who goes off on an especially lengthy tangent apologizing to someone for not having responded to a letter, explaining that he did not receive it and that perhaps it got lost. He also emphasizes to the person he is addressing that it is the first time he has ever missed responding to a letter. The Re'im also writes that he is proud to be among those who answer letters from all people, regardless of their stature or prominence.  Rabbi Palagi then elaborates on the importance of responding to correspondences and says that it should be one of the first things that one hurries to perform. He again asserts that not doing so is a sign of arrogance.

We also find that Rabbi Chaim Benvinisti once apologized excessively and begged forgiveness from someone for not having responded to a letter in a timely fashion. He too elaborates on the importance of responding to letters in a timely manner.[3] Rabbi Avraham Palagi, the son of Rabbi Chaim, writes regarding his father: "He always answered letters from even the most simple people. He did so even when it was terribly inconvenient." [4]

Although the issue of v'ahavta l'reiacha kamocha,[5] loving your fellow Jew as yourself and treating others how you yourself would want to be treated[6] is not explicitly cited, it is no doubt one of the "number of prohibitions which one may violate by not responding in a timely manner." I would also add that there are some serious violations of "lo tonu,"[7] the prohibition not to wrong another person, and its related ramifications within the realm ona'at devarim – causing others pain and distress.[8]

After contacting a number of experts in the field of social and business propriety, it seems to be the consensus that proper etiquette calls for a correspondence to be responded to within five days. As with most matters related to civil and monetary law, the "minhag hamedina," the custom of the society, has the strength to establish halacha.[9] As such, I would like to suggest that those who delay, let alone ignore their obligation to respond to correspondences will be in violation of the issues discussed above once five days have passed since receiving them

Although the issue of responding to emails and phone messages may seem somewhat trivial in the greater picture of halachic practice, this is simply incorrect. Unfortunately, many people have a conceptual difficulty attaching non-ritualistic precepts to a spiritual accountability. It is time that as part of our constant efforts to upgrade our halachic behavior, we pause to reflect and better apply day-to-day bein adam l'chaveiro principles to the many social obligations we find ourselves in, including this one. Perhaps the words of the Rambam will inspire us to internalize this idea. The Rambam once praised himself saying: "…how many [written] questions have I received and not answered? I swear to you that I have no recollection of ever not answering a single question."[10]

[1] Ginzei Chaim 20:73. Note: Rabbi Palagi's lyrical and rabbinical style of writing made for a literal translation virtually impossible.

[2] Nefesh Hachaim 1:20

[3] Boei Chayei C.M. 1:56

[4] Tzavaa M'chaim 75

[5] Vayikra 19:18

[6] Shabbat 31a

[7] Vayikra 25:14,17

[8] See Sefer Hachinuch 338

[9] Bava Metzia 83a. This concept is cited extensively throughout Choshen Mishpat

[10] Igeret Harambam Vol. 2 in letter to Rabbi Pinchas Hadayan