Kabbolas Shabbos at Candle-Lighting
Question: Some women do not put out the match after lighting candles on erev Shabbos; instead, they allow the flame to go out on its own. They do this in order to avoid transgressing the melachah of kibui (“extinguishing”) after having accepted Shabbos with the kindling of the candles. Should all women observe this custom?
Discussion: No, they need not do so. It is permitted to extinguish the flame after lighting candles as long as one does so before reciting the blessing of lehadlik ner shel Shabbos. Although Shulchan Aruch does note the custom of “some” women who are careful not to put out the flame after lighting candles,[i] this custom no longer applies today when all women (who follow the Ashkenazi custom[ii]) recite the blessing over the candles after kindling them. Since Shabbos does not begin until after the blessing is recited, there is ample time to put out the flame before reciting the blessing.[iii] Obviously, women whose family custom is to allow the flame to go out on its own should continue doing so.[iv]
Question: Does the same halachah apply to Yom Tov?
Discussion: On Yom Tov when many women follow the custom of reciting the blessing before lighting candles,[v] care should be taken not to put out the flame after lighting them. This is because once Yom Tov has begun, it is forbidden to extinguish a fire. The match, therefore, should be carefully put aside and allowed to go out. Alternatively, she may hand it over to another person to extinguish it.[vi] [A woman who is afraid to allow a match to go out on its own should light her candles first, put out the match, and then recite the blessing, as she ordinarily does on erev Shabbos.[vii] Of course, she may do this only if she lit candles before sunset. If she is lighting after Yom Tov has begun, she may not put out the flame.]
Question: What should a woman do if, after lighting the candles, a gust of wind blows them out, or they tip over and are extinguished?
Discussion: This depends on the particulars:
- If some [or all] of the candles blow out before the woman recites the blessing over them, she should relight the candles and recite the blessing.[viii]
- If some [or all] of the candles blow out after the blessing is recited, she may instruct a household member who did not yet “accept” Shabbos to rekindle the candles on her behalf.[ix] No blessing is recited over the second lighting.
- If there are no household members available who can kindle the lights for her, or if the candles blow out after sunset (or even before sunset but after Shabbos has begun for the entire community), she should do nothing.[x] If, however, she will be distressed or even merely upset about not having lit candles for Shabbos, and it is still before tzeis hakochavim, she may instruct a non-Jew to relight the candles on her behalf.[xi]
Question: May a woman daven Minchah after she has lit the Shabbos candles?
Discussion: All Poskim agree that, lechatchilah, she should daven Minchah before lighting candles. When a woman lights candles, she automatically accepts upon herself the restrictions and obligations of the Shabbos day. This precludes her davening the previous day’s Minchah. If, however, a woman is running late and did not have an opportunity to daven Minchah by candle-lighting time, the Poskim recommend that she should go ahead and light the Shabbos candles on time, but before doing so she should stipulate – verbally or mentally – that she is not accepting the Shabbos until after she has davened Minchah.[xii]
If she did not make this stipulation and already lit the Shabbos candles, some Poskim maintain that, bedieved, she may nonetheless daven Minchah,[xiii] while others imply that she may no longer daven Minchah. Instead, she should recite the Shabbos Maariv Amidah twice to compensate for the missed Minchah.[xiv] [Even women who do not usually daven Maariv may daven Maariv twice in this case, since they are doing so in order to make up for the missed Minchah.[xv]]
Note that when men light candles, they do not automatically accept the Shabbos with their candle-lighting.[xvi] Hence, they may daven Minchah after lighting candles.
Question: Must all members of the household accept Shabbos when the lady of the house kindles the Shabbos lights?
Discussion: Not necessarily. The basic halachah is that Shabbos begins with the lighting of candles only for the lady of the house who is lighting the Shabbos candles. All other household members, including any girls in the house who do not light candles, are not obligated to begin observing Shabbos until sunset, or at a designated earlier time when the entire community accepts Shabbos.[xvii]
The Poskim stress, however, that it is highly praiseworthy for all members of the household to make every effort to begin Shabbos significantly before sunset.[xviii] There are two reasons for this:
- There is a minority view among the Rishonim that Shabbos actually begins about fifteen minutes before[xix] Although most Poskim do not rule in accordance with this view, it is still advisable to attempt to satisfy this opinion as well.[xx]
- Waiting until the last minute before sunset places one in great danger of “missing the deadline” and inadvertently desecrating the Shabbos.[xxi]
It is noteworthy that Rav M. Feinstein writes that he undertook a personal stringency not to ride in a car after candle lighting time, since it appears to some people as a desecration of Shabbos.[xxii]
[i] 263:10.
[ii] Most Sephardim, however, recite the blessing before kindling; Yechaveh Da’as II, 33.
[iii] Aruch Hashulchan 263:14; Yechaveh Da’as II, 33, quoting Mateh Yehudah 263:2. [Note that Mishnah Berurah does not disagree with this; indeed, he repeatedly rules that Shabbos begins after the blessing is recited; see 263, notes 21 and 27. See also Da’as Torah 263:5 (ד"ה ויש).] Chayei Adam and Kitzur Shulchan Aruch, too, do not mention the custom of allowing the flame to go out by itself. See also addendum to Shulchan Shlomo, Shabbos I, pg. 19.
[iv] In support of this custom, see Ketzos Hashulchan 74, Baddei Hashulchan 14, and Kaf Hachayim 263:62.
[v] As per Mishnah Berurah 263, note 27.
[vi] Rav S.Z. Auerbach (cited in Shemiras Shabbos Kehilchasah 43, footnote 179); Kinyan Torah II, 49.
[vii] Based on Magen Avraham (263:12) and Kitzur Shulchan Aruch (75:4), who rule that women should light on erev Yom Tov exactly as they do on erev Shabbos: They first light the candles and then recite the blessing.
[viii] Rav S.Z. Auerbach cited in Shemiras Shabbos Kehilchasah 43, footnote 183.
[ix] Shulchan Aruch 263:17.
[x] She would not be required to kindle an additional candle in subsequent weeks (see Rema 263:1), since her failure to light candles was not her fault (see Mishnah Berurah 263, note 7).
[xi] Based on Beiur Halachah 261:1 ד"ה להדליק.
[xii] Eishel Avraham 263:9 (Buczacz); Kaf Hachayim 263:35; Minchas Shlomo II, 35:8; Even Yisrael VIII, 21; Ashrei Ha’ish, Shabbos 5:5; 6:13; Chut Shani IV, pg. 70; Teshuvos Vehanhagos IV, 62. [If this took place on erev Yom Tov and she stipulated that she is not accepting Yom Tov until after davening Minchah, she should preferably not recite shehecheyanu at candle-lighting; see Tzitz Eliezer X, 19:5.]
[xiii] Several Poskim cited in Shemiras Shabbos Kehilchasah 43, footnote 128.
[xiv] This appears to be Mishnah Berurah’s view (263, note 43).
[xv] Rav S.Z. Auerbach (Shemiras Shabbos Kehilchasah 43, footnote 110). But she may only do so if she davens Minchah on a regular basis; Shulchan Shlomo, addendum to I, pg. 22.
[xvi] Mishnah Berurah 263, note 42. It is nonetheless preferable even for men to verbally stipulate that they do not accept Shabbos when lighting candles.
[xvii] Rema 263:10.
[xviii] Mishnah Berurah 261, note 23.
[xix] This is the view of Sefer Yere’im, and it is quoted as halachah by Bach and Magen Avraham.
[xx] Sha’ar Hatziyun 261:21 and Beiur Halachah 261:1 ד"ה מתחילת; Igros Moshe, Orach Chaim IV, 62.
[xxi] Mishnah Berurah 263, note 16.
[xxii] Igros Moshe, Orach Chaim I, 96.