Bar-Mitzva

When a boy turns thirteen he becomes Bar-Mitzva, and from that day onwards he is obligated to keep all the mitzvot of the Torah.[1] The source for thirteen being the age which concludes childhood and begins adulthood is derived from the episode of Shimon and Levi who wiped out the city of Shechem after their sister, Dina, had been raped. Shimon and Levi were both only thirteen years old at the time and yet the Torah refers to them as "men".[2] From here we infer that whenever the Torah uses the word "man" it refers to one who is above thirteen years old.[3]

Some authorities suggest that the source for thirteen being the age when a boy is obligated to keep the mitzvot is none other than a halacha l'moshe misinai, a Divine Decree which was revealed to Moshe on Mount Sinai.[4] It is worth noting that the Talmud recognizes that girls mature earlier than boys, and are therefore obligated to begin keeping the mitzvot earlier, at twelve years old. A boy only reaches the identical level of maturity a year later.^[5]

It is a mitzva for the father to make a seuda, an elaborate and festive meal, on the evening that his son becomes Bar-Mitzva.[6] The Bar-Mitzva feast might actually be the oldest extravagant celebration in the Jewish life cycle. Indeed, according to many commentators, the feast which Avraham made for his son Yitzchak "when he was weaned" was none other than the Bar-Mitzva celebration.[7] The Zohar states that on his thirteenth birthday, Yitzchak went off to study Torah on his own, which further highlights the connection between reaching Bar-Mitzva and Torah commitment.[8] According to the Midrash, it is when a boy turns thirteen years old that his yetzer tov, his positive spiritual inclination, unites within him.[9] Other sources add that although a boy receives his Jewish soul at the time of his brit, his circumcision, it is only at his Bar-Mitzva that this soul becomes fully developed.[10]

The Bar-Mitzva meal is a means of announcing and celebrating the fact that another Jew has reached the ranks of mitzvot observance.[11] Even though a boy may have been observing mitzvot before his Bar-Mitzva, he was not technically required to do so. As such, there is a renewed sense of joy at being able to observe mitzvot on equal footing as everyone else and to be regarded as a full fledged member of the community.[12] Everyone present at a Bar-Mitzva meal should bless the Bar-Mitzva boy that God provide him with all that he needs, both spiritually and materially.[13] It is especially important for a boy to visit great rabbis on his Bar-Mitzva in order to receive their blessings on this momentous occasion.[14]

The Bar-Mitzva celebration should actually resemble a wedding in both the type of meal that is served[15] and the joyful atmosphere that should prevail.[16] In the event that the Bar-Mitzva feast cannot take place on the actual night of a boy turning thirteen, it may be deferred to the next earliest possible opportunity. Even when a Bar-Mitzva seuda is delayed, the meal will still have the status of a seudat mitzva, if the boy delivers a Torah discourse during the meal.[17] The Bar-Mitzva meal is so significant that it allows one to eat meat and drink wine even if it falls out during the "Nine Days" of Av when eating meat is ordinarily forbidden.[18] Similarly, the Bar-Mitzva feast may be held on Shabbat or Yom Tov, as well.[19]

It is recommended that a Bar-Mitzva boy wear new clothes[20] at his Bar-Mitzva in order to allow him to recite the "shehecheyanu" blessing without reservation.[21] It is also recommended that a Bar-Mitzva boy spend extra time immersed in Torah study on his Bar-Mitzva day, especially in Mishna.[22] A Bar-Mitzva boy should lead the birkat hamazon at the Bar-Mitzva meal.[23] Based on a verse in Tehillim, which King David is said to have composed on the day of his Bar-Mitzva, it is believed that any request a Bar-Mitzva boy makes will be answered.[24]

There were communities in Europe where it was customary to hold the Bar-Mitzva feast as part of the third meal on Shabbat. In such places the Bar-Mitzva boy would dress in his new clothes for the occasion and personally go and invite community members to come and celebrate with him. There were some communities where public Bar-Mitzva feasts were not necessarily held, but rather a communal "l'chaim" was made in honor of the occasion, instead.[25]

There are different customs regarding whether or not the tachanun prayers should be recited in the presence of a boy celebrating his Bar-Mitzva. The general consensus among Sefardic congregations is to omit them.[26] It is argued that tachanun should be omitted because a Bar-Mitzva is actually a communal simcha and not just a private one. Other authorities compare a Bar-Mitzva to a wedding and suggest that just as tachanun is omitted in the presence of a groom, it should be omitted in the presence of a Bar-Mitzva boy, as well.[27] There is also an opinion that tachanun should be omitted when tefillin are worn for the first time.[28] It is interesting to note that some congregations omit tachanun on any festive occasion, as the recitation of tachanun is actually not truly an obligation.[29]

Common Ashkenazi custom is to recite tachanun as normal at a Bar-Mitzva, as it is ultimately not a full fledged Yom Tov. It is also suggested that reciting supplications before God, which is the essence of tachanun, is actually quite auspicious on one's Bar-Mitzva day. Similarly, tachanun is a prayer which represents teshuva, returning to God, making it quite appropriate for a Bar-Mitzva, as well.[30]

[1] Avot 5:21;Rashi

[2] Bereishit 34:25

[3] Rashi;Nazir 29b

[4] Teshuvot Harosh 15, cited in Bishvilei Haparasha, Rabbi Elyakim Dvorkis

[5] Nidda 45b

[6] Magen Avraham 225:4.

[7] Bereishit Rabba, Yalkut Shimoni to Bereishit 21:8

[8] Zohar Chadash, Bereishit 15

[9] Kohelet Rabba 4:13

[10] Shulchan Aruch Harav O.C. 4

[11] Mishna Berura 225:6

[12] Kaf Hachaim 225:11

[13] Igrot Kodesh Vol. XXIII p. 34

[14] Sofrim 18:5

[15] Be'er Heitev 225:4, Kaf Hachaim 225:11, Magen Avraham 225:4

[16] Likutei Sichot, Vol. V p. 86, Sefer Haminhagim-Chabad p. 75

[17] Kaf Hachaim 225:11

[18] Yad Ephraim 551:31, Divrei Yatziv 2:238

[19] Piskei Teshuvot 225:7

[20] Ben Ish Chai;Re'eh 17

[21] Kaf Hachaim 225:12

[22] Kaf Hachaim 225:12

[23] Aruch Hashulchan 199:4

[24] Likutei Sichot, Vol. II, pp. 568-9. Cited at: http://www.sichosinenglish.org/books/bar-mitzvah/02.htm#n44

[25] Cited in: http://www.milknhoney.co.il/torah/barmit_history.html

[26] Yabia Omer 1:27

[27] Sefer Nahar Mitzrayim

[28] Tzitz Eliezer 18:53

[29] Be'er Heitev 131:13

[30] Sichot Kodesh, 11 Nissan 5722, Likutei Sichot Vol. 25 p. 276.