Beautiful "Badekin" Blessing
Adapted by Channie Koplowitz Stein
After the death of Sara Imeinu, Avraham sets about finding a wife for their son Yitzchak. He sends his servant Eliezer back to his home town to find an appropriate shidduch. With Hashem's help, Eliezer finds the perfect girl, Rebecca. Rebecca suggests Eliezer come to the family home where there is plenty of food for him and for his animals and even sleeping quarters. Eliezer goes to their home and negotiates with Rebecca's father Betuel and her brother Lavan to allow Rebecca to return with him to marry his master's son, Yitzchak. When the negotiations are complete and Rebecca is about to set off for a new life as the wife of Yitzchak, Lavan blesses her saying, "Our sister, may you come to be thousands of myriads, and may your offspring inherit the gate of its foes." This blessing, along with, "May God make you as Sarah, Rivkah, Rachel and Leah," has become part of the ritual blessing given to a bride before she enters her own wedding canopy.
The Shvilei Pinchas, Rabbi Friedman, asks a simple question that must puzzle many of us. Of the many blessings available, why choose the blessing of the evil Lavan to bestow upon a new bride? The question is even more pertinent as Rebecca remained childless for years until Yitzchak prayed for her. In fact, says the Shvilei Pinchas, the Midrash notes that she remained childless specifically so people would not attribute her having children to Lavan's blessing.
What was this blessing about? The Chatam Sofer z”l posits that Lavan's emphasis was on "our sister". Lavan hoped that her children would be evil, like him. They were a blessing for Esau, not for the righteous Yaakov. That explains why this blessing has been adopted by rabbis and sages, who will wish the bride to have righteous children as they themselves are.
The terms "myriads" and "thousands"appears elsewhere in the Torah, notes Rabbi Wolbe z”l. When the aron kodesh was being returned to the Mishkan after Bnei Yisroel traveled in the desert (and today in shuls after each Torah reading), the congregation recites, "Return Hashem to the myriad thousands of Israel." From this verse, our sages extrapolate that God's presence rests upon Bnei Yisroel when there are 22,000 present. The blessing, then, implies that Rebecca should have many children who will be righteous and be a worthy conduit to bring the shechinah/God's presence to rest upon Bnei Yisroel.
The Shvilei Pinchas continues. Since the purpose of marriage is to have children, the prayer is that this marriage produce children that will bring the shechinah down and with it the many gifts Hashem wishes to bestow on the world. In fact, continues the Shvilei Pinchas, this blessing parallels the blessing given to boys, "May Elokhim make you like Ephraim and Menashe," that they should be worthy of "the myriads of Ephraim and the thousands of Menashe."
Our Sages tell us that making a match is as difficult as splitting the Red Sea. How is that? The Shvilei Pinchas explains that at the Red Sea, the angels approached Hakodosh Boruch Hu and asked why Hashem is redeeming the Israelites while condemning the Egyptians to death. After all, they argued, both are idol worshipers. These negative angels were trying to undo Hashem's plan. Similarly, when someone hopes to make a shidduch between two people, the negative angels again come out and try to thwart the plan, trying to keep the shidduch from taking place.
In this situation, Betuel and Lavan attested to the fact that this match was engineered by Hashem. They understood that they would have no power of negative forces against Hashem. However, if they could delay Rebecca's departure, perhaps the attribute of justice would find a way to abort this match. Eliezer understood their tactic and responded, "And Hashem has made my journey successful. By adding "And," Eliezer was hinting to them that Hashem, together with the negative angels, were all agreed to this shidduch. They would not be successful.
With similar reasoning, writes the Sheveli Pinchas citing Ohr Lashamayim, the bride's face is covered so that the "evil eye" with its negative influences should not fall upon the bride and disturb the wedding or the marriage. Breaking the glass is perhaps another attempt to foil the Accusers, for they will already have achieved some destruction.
However, Rabbi Zilberstein in Aleinu Leshabayach, contends that Lavan's brachah did come true, for Rivkah did become a matriarch of the nation that eventually numbered myriads and thousands. The lesson here is that Hashem has given tremendous power to every human being, and we should never discount the blessing of anyone. In fact, writes Rabbi Meislish, this is the source for giving blessings to a chatan and kallah, and to understand that everyone's blessing has power, not just the blessings of the great or saintly people.
What is the essence of a blessing? Rabbi Zaichick z”l z”l in Ginzei Chayim explains that a blessing mentions the positive attributes of the recipient, for it arouses the Giver of all blessings to expand on this attribute and give him further blessings. Mentioning the attribute, writes Rabbi Zaichick z”l, is analogous to turning on a light switch which then illuminates everything else that is waiting to be seen. Mentioning the positive attribute brings down the blessings. Rabbi Zaichick z”l mentions Noach whose positive attribute of being a tzadik/righteous man is immediately mentioned. Then he obeys every word of God's command and he and his family are saved from the flood.
It is also important to actually cast your eye upon, to see whom you are blessing, continues Rabbi Zaichick z”l. In the inverse of this idea, Bilaam insisted on being able to see Bnei Yisroel in order to try cursing them. On the positive side, this is why the priests must face the congregation when they administer the priestly blessings, even turning their backs on the aron kodesh. The priests will witness the congregation in trembling and awe before their Maker, and the priests will be filled with love for Bnei Yisroel whom they are commanded to bless with love.
But it doesn't matter how great the person is who is giving the blessing. One compliment, one affirmation of a positive attribute in another, leads to additional compliments. It gives the receiver confidence and validation, and a desire to continue to achieve on that level. Turn the switch on and begin the process.
The Ramchal urges us to find opportunities to bless other people. Not only does it bring blessings to them, but it also trains us to have a "good eye", a more positive outlook on the world. Concentrate on the brachah itself and on the individual, not on mere formalities and social norms. If we look for opportunities, we could be giving blessings all day long, commenting on anything positive or even saying a simple good morning can change someone's day.
Rabbi Dovid Hofstedter takes this one step further. When giving a blessing, our concentration should be on the receiver and not on ourselves. Rabbi Hofsteder notes that the second half of Lavan's blessing was actually a curse on himself. By blessing Rivkah that her "offspring should inherit the gates of its foes", he was condemning his own descendants who would be enemies of Bnei Yisroel to defeat. His focus was so sincere and completely on the recipient of his blessing that he missed this implication.
Lavan said. "You be myriads and thousands." Rabbi Schwadron z”l interprets this not as you will be the matriarch of so many, but that you yourself will be the equivalent of myriads and thousands just as Moshe Rabbenu was equivalent to all of Bnei Yisroel.
The Kli Yakar ties the two halves of the blessing together. First, he notes that inheriting the gates of the enemy is part of Hashem's blessing to Avraham as well as part of Lavan's blessing to his sister. Then the Kli Yakar states that Avraham Avinu made many friends and allies because of the extent of his chesed. Because of that, if he would ever be in danger, his friends would come to his aid and he would inherit the gates of his foes. Similarly, Rebecca was also full of chesed. She too would therefore have many who would love her and come to protect her if she would be in danger. Through her chesed to those myriad others, she herself is the equivalent of myriads. Like her father-in-law Avraham who was blessed veheyei brachah/be a blessing, so was she blessed veheyi/and be like myriads and thousands through the chesed you will do for others.
"And be a blessing" is both a destiny and a mission, writes Rabbi Mordechai Ezrachi, the Birkat Mordechai. To enable Avraham to fulfill this, Hashem blessed Avraham bakol/with everything he would need. Being a blessing to others was Avraham's essence as it would be Rivkah's, It is this blessing that we bestow on a bride at her wedding. You too be a blessing to others. The acts that you do have the power to impact multitudes of people and fill the world with chesed.
It is not necessarily difficult to be the bearer of chesed. Rabbi Brazile in Bishvili Nivra Haolam quotes the Avot D’Rabbi Natan that greeting someone with a warm smile is like giving him all the blessings in the world. In fact, the power of a single Jew to impact the world is so great that the halacha states that if an enemy force lays siege to a city and demands one Jew in exchange for sparing the entire city, the besieged city may not deliver a victim to them, for we do not know the worth of any individual. Any individual may indeed be worth the equivalent of tens of thousands in their import. We are not the judge, but we should strive to be a blessing to thousands.
Just tangentially related to these ideas is this homiletic interpretation of the blessing from Rabbi Meislish. When Hashem wants to send a soul down to earth, the soul is very distressed and struggles to stay in its comfortable place under Hashem's Throne of Glory. The other angels comfort her and urge her to go down to the world where she can accomplish so much good and can establish so many additional good souls. Indeed, the very blessing they give the soul, is the blessing of Lavan to Rivka. Under the chuppah, the souls of all past generations as well as of all future generations of this couple are present. The chatan cries in sympathy with these crying souls who will not want to descend to this world. We are turning now to these souls hovering around the Chatan and kallah right before the chuppah and assuring them they will accomplish a lot in this world. We are telling them that they will merit being part of this beautiful family just now being formed.
Lavan's brachah teaches us that anyone can give a powerful brachah. It tells us that a sincere brachah can impact not only the individual we are bestowing it upon, but also many generations to come. May all our blessings to others be letovah/for the good.