Family Matters
And he lifted his eyes and behold three men stood by him. And he saw and he ran to them from the opening of his tent and he bowed to the ground (Sefer Bersheit 18:2)
Hashem tells Avraham and Sarah that they will soon have a son
Parshat VaYaira describes Avraham’s visit from three guests. Avraham observes these travelers and he runs from his tent to greet them and invite them into his home. The guests accept his invitation. Avraham cares for his guests. He provides for them water with which to wash from themselves the dust of the road, a place to sit shaded from the heat of the day, and a feast.
These guests are messengers of Hashem. [1] They have been sent to Avraham to tell him and Sarah that in a year they will have a long-awaited son. It is clear that these messengers were sent for the specific purpose of communicating this news. This presents an obvious problem. Why does the Torah interweave this communication with a detailed description of Avraham’s treatment of his guests? Why did the Torah not condense the incident into its fundamental component? The Torah could have simply told us that messengers came to Avraham and told him and Sarah that in a year they will have a child.
Of course, one may respond that the Torah wished to demonstrate for us the manner in which Avraham treated guests.[2] Thereby, the Torah communicates to us the importance of this obligation. However, if this is the Torah’s objective, it is odd that we are being taught this important lesson in this context. Certainly, the Torah could have provided other examples of Avraham’s kindness and his generous and caring treatment of guests without interweaving the lesson into the tidings of Yitzchak’s approaching birth! The interweaving of these elements – Avraham’s behavior toward his guests and the messengers’ announcement of Yitzchak’s birth – must be somehow related. What is the connection between these two elements of the narrative? Before addressing this issue, let us consider another element of the narrative.
And Sarah laughed to herself saying: After I have become aged shall I have my youth? And my master is aged! And Hashem said to Avraham: Why did Sarah laugh saying “Shall I in truth give birth. But I am aged.” Is anything hidden from Hashem?[3] At the assigned time I will return to you – at this same time – and Sarah will have a son. And Sarah demurred saying: I did not laugh. For she was afraid. And he said to her: No, you did laugh. (Sefer Beresheit 18:12-15)
Avraham’s rebuke of Sarah
Avraham and Sarah have different responses to the news imparted by the messengers. Avraham accepts the news but Sarah responds with skepticism. She is aged; how can her youth be restored? Her husband is aged. Can he yet father a son? Hashem reveals to Avraham Sarah’s response and He rebukes Sarah. Sarah responds by denying that she had laughed. Avraham responds, “No, you did laugh.” In other words, he insists that Sarah accept the rebuke.
This element of the episode raises a number of issues. Let us consider one of these. Why did Hashem reveal to Avraham Sarah’s inner reaction of the news of the messengers? Certainly, Hashem did not reveal to Avraham Sarah’s every misstep.[4]
And he intensely pressured them. And they turned aside to him and they came to his home. And he made for them a feast and he baked unleavened cakes and they ate. (Sefer Beresheit 19:3)
Lote’s treatment of his guests
After departing from Avraham, the guests travel to Sedom. Their mission is to destroy Sedom and to rescue Lote and his family from the devastation. Lote encounters these messengers and he insists that they accept his hospitality. The messengers comply. Lote prepares for them a feast and together they eat.
The Torah describes two incidents of hospitality. The common features of these descriptions and the differences between them are fascinating. Both Avraham and Lote are described as eager hosts. Both are described treating their guests well. In fact, later in the narrative, Lote risks his life on behalf of these strangers.
However, the differences between these two demonstrations of hospitality are notable. Lote provided for his guests without any assistance. He is described as preparing the meal and no mention is made of involvement by any other member of the household. In contrast, Avraham is described as enlisting and supervising his household in the preparation of the meal. Sarah and the lad – presumably Yishmael[5] – are both involved in the preparation and both are given specific direction by Avraham. But once the meal is prepared and ready to be served, it is Avraham who stands by the guests to monitor their needs and to make sure that they are met.
Avraham transmitted his values to his family
The message that emerges from these two descriptions is that Lote and Avraham shared a commitment to kindness and to caring for guests. But Lote did not or could not transmit this value to his household – to his wife and children. Avraham’s values were integrated into the household. Sarah and his son were his partners in his endeavors. Furthermore, Avraham led by example. He served the guests and stood prepared to meet their needs.
Let us now reconsider the Torah’s treatment of Sarah’s response to the tidings of the messengers. She expresses skepticism. Hashem reveals this to Avraham. Avraham rebukes Sarah. This is another demonstration of the relationship between Avraham and the members of his household. He does not allow Sarah to simply deny her error. He takes upon himself responsibility for rebuking her.
Now, let us return to and restate our original question. What is the connection between the messengers’ tidings that Avraham and Sarah will soon have a son and this detailed description of Avraham’s relationship with the members of his family and household?
And Hashem said: Shall I conceal from Avraham that which I do? Avraham will certainly be a great and mighty nation and through him will be blessed all of the nations of the land. For it is revealed before Me that he will command his sons and his household who will follow him. And they will observe the way of Hashem to act righteously and justly – so that Hashem will bring upon Avraham that of which He spoke in his regard. (Sefer Beresheit 18:18-19)
Avraham’s commitment to creating a Torah community
The above passages introduce Hashem’s revelation to Avraham of His intention to judge Sedom and – if deserved – to destroy it. In revealing His intentions to Avraham, Hashem invites him into a dialogue regarding His justice.[6] Avraham contends with Hashem over the destruction of Sedom and explores divine justice. This the first instance in the Torah in which such a dialogue takes place. Noach did not plead on behalf of humanity and perhaps was not invited to do so. But Avraham is provided with the opportunity to explore the ways of Hashem and he immediately responds.
In the above passages, Hashem explains this special treatment of Avraham. He explains that Avraham will impart to his children and to the members of his household his knowledge and the values that he embraces. He will nurture within his family and household the knowledge and capacity to follow the ways of Hashem. Hashem concludes with a declaration. It is because of this unique characteristic of Avraham that the blessings that have been foretold will be bestowed.
Let us consider this characterization of Avraham. Avraham was more than a teacher who imparts knowledge. Such an educator transmits information and knowledge. Students may use this knowledge as they choose. Some will decide to incorporate the teacher’s lessons into their lives; others may choose to not do so. Whatever the decision of the student, the teacher who has effectively communicated his lesson has – in a limited sense – completed his task. Avraham’s goal was more far-reaching than the transmission of knowledge. He strove for integration. His goal was to cultivate a community in which the knowledge and values he had imparted would come to life. His family and household were schooled to be more than students. They were encouraged and inspired by Avraham to be his partners.
Hashem declares that this characteristic of Avraham is fundamental to the fulfillment of the foretold blessings. Avraham will not enjoy those blessings because of his own discovery of Hashem and his personal devotion to Him. The blessings will be fulfilled because of his commitment to creating a community embodying his discoveries and values.[7]
Avraham’s hospitality and the blessing of a son
Now, we can appreciate the relationship between the message of Yitzchak’s approaching birth and the Torah’s description of Avraham’s interactions with his family and household. These two elements of the narrative are intrinsically linked. The blessings bestowed upon Avraham – including the birth of a son – required and were in response to his commitment to creating a community embodying his knowledge and values. The narrative describes Avraham’s intense involvement in the cultivating of such a community within his family and household. It links the blessing of a son to these activities.
The partnership between home and school
Raising children is challenging. How do we impart Torah values to our children? Of course, education is essential. We must provide our children with Torah education. Furthermore, if this education is to have impact, it must be extensive and it must be a priority. If our children do not feel that their Torah education is a priority, then they will conclude that living a Torah life is not priority.
However, we fall far short of executing our responsibilities if our efforts end with paying tuition – as challenging as that may be. We create the environment in our homes. We determine whether our children are being nurtured in an environment that expresses appreciation of Torah knowledge and embraces Torah values. When we create in our homes an environment that embodies Torah wisdom and values and we incorporate our children – in meaningful ways – into such a home environment, then we emulate Avraham.
[1] The commentators disagree over the fundamental nature of this narrative. Maimonides contends that the entire episode is a prophetic vision. The Torah is describing this vision. Many other commentators – including Nachmanides – disagree and understand the episode as an actual event. According to this view, these three visitors were either angels who had the appearance of men or prophets. In this discussion, the narrative will be treated as describing an actual event and not a vision. However, the reader can easily adapt the analysis to the view that the episode was a vision.
[2] See: Mesechet Shavuot 35b. According to the gemara, the Torah is portraying Avraham suspending a prophetic encounter with Hashem in order to provide hospitality to guests. This element of the episode is intended to communicate the importance of providing hospitality. A contrasting view is presented in Mesechet Derech Eretz Rabba, Chapter 4. According to this view, Avraham did not deal with travelers until concluding his encounter with Hashem.
[3] This is the translation of the phrase suggested by Unkelus. Of course, the intent is rhetorical. Hashem is declaring that nothing is hidden from Him. Rav Yisrael Chait explains that the meaning of declaration that nothing is “hidden from Hashem” is that Hashem has perfect understanding of the universe that He created. This declaration is in response to Sarah’s skepticism. She could not easily accept that she would be returned to youth and conceive. This seemed to her to be too great a wonder. Hashem responds that He has perfect understanding of the universe that He created and He has the knowledge to manipulate it to bring about the greatest of wonders – even the restoration of youth and Sarah’s conceiving of a child. Rav Yisrael Chait, TTL C-178, The Sin of Sarah.
[4] Rav Yisrael Chait notes that Sarah was not a passive instrument of providence in the birth of Yitzchak. Instead, the birth of Yitzchak reflected Hashem’s providential relationship with both Avraham and Sarah. The providence experienced by an individual is not unrelated to the person’s relationship with Hashem. In other words, those who develop a closer relationship with Hashem experience a corresponding providential response. Hashem’s rebuke indicates that Sarah’s skepticism expresses an error in her understanding of Hashem’s relationship with the world He created. The correction of this error was necessary for Sarah to participate in the great miracle of her conceiving and Yitzchak’s birth. Rav Yisrael Chait, TTL C-178, The Sin of Sarah.
[5] Rabbaynu Shlomo ben Yitzchak (Rashi), Commentary on Sefer Beresheit 18:7.
[6] See: Midrash Tanchuma Yashan, Parshat VaYaira, Chapter 7.
[7] See: Rabbaynu David Kimchi (Radak), Commentary on Sefer Beresheit 18:19.