Kindness, Rebuke, Revenge, Intimate Contact and more

Richard B. Aiken

Hosting Guests (Hachnasat Orchim)

To Whom To Give Food and Lodging

We are commanded to give food and accommodation (hachnasat orchim) to people who do not have food to eat or a place to sleep.  This applies to any day, not just to Shabbat and Jewish festivals.

Inviting Friends for Meals

Inviting friends to your house for meals, even on Shabbat and Jewish festivals, is not hachnasat orchim--unless the friends do not have food or a place to sleep. But inviting friends for meals may qualify as other mitzvot.

Accompanying a Guest

You should walk a guest to the door or even along his/her way when he/she leaves your home. This is an act of kindness (chesed).

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Hurting People

You are forbidden from hurting another person physically, emotionally, or psychologically.

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Kindness (Chesed)

What Are Acts of Kindness

We are commanded to do acts of kindness (chesed), which means helping someone by doing an action that that person cannot do (or has difficulty doing) for him/herself. Example

  • Visiting sick people;
  • Opening a window for a crippled or weak person;
  • Giving charity;
  • Teaching non-religious Jews about Judaism;
  • Finding marriage partners for single people.

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Contact (Negia)

What Constitutes Negia

Unrelated people of one gender may not generally have intimate physical contact with members of the opposite gender (negia). The prohibited types of contact are any that express affection or promote interpersonal relationships or intimacy.  Negia does not apply to:

For Males--mother, grandmothers, daughters, granddaughters, and other descendants and antecedents. For Females--father, grandfathers, sons, grandsons, and other descendants and antecedents.

Non-Intimate Contact between Men and Women

Non-intimate contact is permissible between men and women--even if the two people are related or have a close personal relationship (except a husband and wife when she is a nida). Examples

  • Doctor and patient.
  • Massage therapist and patient.
  • Lifeguard and swimmer.
  • A Jewish man may catch a Jewish girl or woman on the flying trapeze.

Reason: This is not intimate contact.

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Misrepresenting Yourself (Gneivat Da'at)

When Misrepresenting Yourself (Gneivat Da'at) Applies

It is forbidden to give a falsely positive impression to other people (gneivat da'at), whether to Jews or non-Jews. Pretentiousness is a type of gneivat da'at. Gneivat da'at may be through actions or speech and requires intent. It applies only when someone else will be affected.

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Rebuking (Tochacha)

When To Rebuke (Tochacha)

You must tell another Jew--but only if he or she will appreciate your comment—if he or she:

  • Is violating a Jewish law, or
  • Has done a hurtful action.

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Revenge (Nekama)

You may not take revenge on someone.

Example: You ask for a favor--to borrow an item or for help--and you get refused. Later, if that person asks to borrow something of yours or for help, you may not refuse, saying "No, because you did not lend to me (or help me) when I asked.”

Note: Revenge applies to loaning money but also deals with other cases.

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Tzni'ut

Tzni'ut, or modesty, is the concept of not standing out--commonly applied to attire, behavior, or speech--and includes privacy and separation of genders. Jews should not exhibit their bodies--but they should also not speak unnecessarily loudly, be boastful, or do anything that attracts attention to themselves. Tzni'ut applies between people and other people and also between people and God.

For tzni'ut in attire, see ATTIRE.

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Visiting the Sick (Bikur Cholim)

Why Visit the Sick

The main commandment of visiting sick people is chesed (kindness):

  • To see if they need anything, and
  • To pray for their recovery.

Copyright 2015 Richard B. Aiken. Halacha L’Maaseh appears courtesy of www.practicalhalacha.com Visit their web site for more information.

This material is provided for informational purposes only – not a substitute for the consultation of a competent rabbi.