Ayin Hara, Honoring Parents, Torah Scholars

Richard B. Aiken

Evil Eye (Ayin HaRa)

When Ayin HaRa Is Significant

Ayin ha'ra is only significant if a person is worried about being affected

Honoring the Elderly

Standing for the Elderly

You do not need to stand up for old people (as a form of honoring them) unless the old person is over 70 years old and is shomer mitzvot. This applies to women, too, if they are 70 years old or more and are shomrot Shabbat.

Honoring Parents

Honoring your father and mother—the fifth of the Ten Commandments—heads the mishna's list of mitzvot for which you receive reward in this world as well as in the next. It is one of only two mitzvot for which long life is promised (the other is shilu'ach ha'kein—shooing away a wild mother bird before taking her eggs).

This mitzva especially refers to giving your parents food and drink as well as helping them get dressed, get covered, and go out and in.  But it also includes:

  • Not sitting in your father's chair.
  • Not calling your parents by their first names.
  • Not disagreeing with, not correcting, or not contradicting your parents if doing so will upset them.
  • Agreeing with them by taking sides in an argument (doing so is considered disrespectful since they do not need your agreement).
  • Not waking them up when they are sleeping--unless they would want you to do so.

Whatever applies to fathers also applies to mothers, such as not sitting in the parent's chair.

Note: Many of these halachot may be overridden at the parent's request; for instance, you may correct your parent or call him or her by first name if he or she wants you to do so.

All parents—whether biological or adoptive, Jewish or non-Jewish—must be treated well, acknowledging the good they did for the child (hakarat ha'tov). If any parent opposes the observance of Jewish laws, the child should limit contact with the parent.

Saying Your Parents' Names

Children should not normally call their parents by name, nor say their parent's name without mentioning that this is their parent, as follows:

  • When praying for your brother's recovery from illness (refu'a), say:
    • Your brother's name,
    • Ben imi (son of my mother) or ben imi morati (son of my mother, my teacher), and
    • Your mother's name.
  • When praying for your sister's recovery from illness, say:
    • Your sister's name,
    • Bat imi (daughter of my mother) or bat imi morati (daughter of my mother, my teacher), and
    • Your mother's name.
  • An aliya for your brother, say:
    • Your brother's name,
    • Ben avi (son of my father) or ben avi mori (son of my father, my teacher), and
    • Your father's name.

Adoptive Parents: Acknowledging the Good

Adoptive parents must be treated well by the adopted child, acknowledging the good they did for the child (hakarat ha'tov).  But they are not considered halachic parents and the child may not be required to give them the honor that is required by the Torah for natural parents.

Respect for Non-Jewish Parent

Treat a non-Jewish parent who does not interfere with the Jewish observance of his or her Jewish child with more respect than any other person, even though the specific laws of honoring a Jewish parent do not apply.

Shabbat/Jewish Festivals with a Non-Observant Jewish Parent

You should spend Shabbat or Jewish festivals with your non-religious Jewish parent (even in a non-religious environment) if he or she wants you to, as long as you can still observe all of the Shabbat or Jewish festival laws AND if your parent needs your help.

Note: You do not need to stay with your parent if your parent does not need your help or if you will not be able to fulfill all of the requirements of Shabbat or the Jewish festival.

Honoring an Abusive Parent

A child is not required to suffer from any type of abuse (not physical, emotional, psychological…) from a parent, but the child should honor his or her Jewish parents as much as possible without suffering.

Note: Consult a rabbi to define individual cases of abuse by parents because the issues are complex.

Honoring Torah Scholars

Who Is a Torah Scholar

Who is a Torah scholar?  It depends on location and era. Someone with minimal Jewish knowledge may be considered a scholar if no one else knows as much.

Who Is Main Torah Teacher (Rav Muvhak)

It is theoretically possible--but highly unlikely--to have one main teacher (rav muvhak) who taught you most of your Torah knowledge. However, a rav muvhak might exist for a person who was not brought up religiously observant and did not have a traditional Jewish education.

Correcting a Rav Muvhak

Although a rav muvhak is deserving of the same honor you would give your parents, you may correct him if he wants you to correct him, just as you may correct a parent who wants you to do so.

Torah Scholar Honoring Other Torah Scholars

A Torah scholar should stand up for another Torah scholar who is greater in knowledge; a greater Torah scholar should acknowledge the lesser scholar by standing up a little bit.

Copyright 2015 Richard B. Aiken. Halacha L’Maaseh appears courtesy of www.practicalhalacha.com Visit their web site for more information.

This material is provided for informational purposes only – not a substitute for the consultation of a competent rabbi.