Difficult People
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Many people experience problems in the area of shalom bayit - their relationship with their spouses. Sometimes one spouse wants to invest effort to improve the marriage, but the other spouse is not interested. There are other people who are at odds with each other; they used to be close friends, but something happened and they just do not get along anymore. One side wants to make amends and forget the past, but the other is not interested in repairing the relationship. What can a person in this type of situation do to bring the relationship back to what it once was?
The pasuk says in Mishleh, ברצות ה' דרכי איש גם אויביו ישלים עמו - when a person finds favor in Hashem's eyes, even his enemies want to make peace with him. Hashem is able to influence people's emotions. If we ever want to make peace with somebody, but that person is not interested in peace, we can ask Hashem to soften that person's heart. Likewise, the Sefer Hasidim (749) writes that if a person is experiencing difficulty in the area of shalom bayit, as either he no longer feels love for his wife the way he once did, or his wife no longer loves him, then he should pray to Hashem to arouse his or his wife's love. Indeed, we find numerous examples in the Torah of Hashem affecting people's emotions. There was no rational reason for why the Egyptians enslaved Beneh Yisrael after all that Yosef did for the kingdom, but the pasuk says in Tehillim, הפך לבם לשנוא עמו - Hashem wanted Beneh Yisrael to be enslaved, and so He turned the Egyptians' hearts against them. Conversely, at the time when Beneh Yisrael left Egypt and they asked their Egyptian neighbors for clothing and utensils, there was no rational reason for the Egyptians to agree. And yet, Rashi comments that when a Jew would ask for a utensil, the Egyptian would offer two of them. Even if a person would ask his best friend for something, the friend might likely give it, but he would not offer two of them. And, the Egyptians were giving away expensive jewelry, and this happened after the country was ravaged by the ten plagues and scores of Egyptians died. There was only one reason why the Egyptians were so gracious to Beneh Yisrael at this point, as the Torah tells us: וה' נתן את חן העם בעיני מצרים - Hashem gave the people "charm" in the Egyptians' eyes.
Hashem can make us love and be loved. Esav harbored intense animosity towards Yaakov Avinu. The hatred festered within Esav's heart for twenty years, and he eventually mobilized an army and set out to kill his brother. His hatred was so intense that Hazal described the phenomenon of anti-Semitism by saying, הלכה עשו שונא ליעקב - "It is a steadfast rule that Esav despises Yaakov." And yet, when Esav finally met Yaakov, he embraced and kissed him. The Midrash explains, באותה שעה נכמרו רחמיו - Esav's mercy was aroused at that moment. He hated Yaakov before that meeting, and he continued hating him after that meeting. But in response to Yaakov's prayers, Hashem transformed Esav's heart at the moment of their reunion, such that he loved his brother and did not hurt him.
Hashem can help us with any relationship - a mean-spirited boss, a difficult coworker, a difficult student, a difficult teacher, or anyone else. No matter what the problem is, we can always pray and ask Hashem to grant us peaceful relations with all the people in our lives.
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