Shiv'a

Richard B. Aiken

Purpose

The purpose of shiv'a is to honor the dead person and the mourners.

When Shiv'a (and Shloshim) Starts: Normal Days

Shiv'a (and shloshim) starts for a mourner who:

  • Attends funeral:  After the burial.
  • Will not attend funeral and is a(n):
    • Non-Onen:  Immediately upon hearing news of the death.
    • Onen:  As soon as the onen has nothing (more) to do with the funeral.

Note: Family members may observe shiv'a at different starting and ending times.

When Shiv'a (and Shloshim) Starts: Jewish Festivals                                                                  

For someone who dies during Rosh Hashana, Yom Kippur, or any of the three Jewish festivals, the mourning period does not start until after the holiday has ended.

Duration of Shiv'a (and Shloshim)

Shiv'a lasts seven days. Shloshim lasts 30 days, beginning with Day 1 of shiv'a. There may be some exceptions if shiv'a occurs before or during festivals.

Note: Any part of the first day is considered to be one full day. On the final day after shacharit, the mourners finish shiv'a, so shiv'a can actually last as little as 5 ½ calendar days.

When Shiv'a Resumes: Shabbat

Shiv'a that is interrupted by Shabbat resumes Sunday morning.

When Shiv'a Resumes: Jewish Festival

Shiv'a that is interrupted by a Jewish festival does not resume after being interrupted.

When Shiv'a Resumes: Purim

Shiva is interrupted for Purim and resumes (except on shiv'a's 7th day) after Purim (or, in Jerusalem, after Shushan Purim).

When Shiv'a Resumes: Chanuka

Shiva is not interrupted for Chanuka.

When Shiv'a Resumes: Rosh Chodesh

Shiva is not interrupted for Rosh Chodesh.

When Shiv'a Ends: Onen

An onen ends shiv'a (and shloshim) with the household head ("gadol ha'bayit"--whoever controls the money in that household)—even if the household head begins shiv'a before burial and the onen joins the shiv'a house after burial.

When Shiv'a Ends: Non-Onen Who Finds Out Later

If you do not hear about someone's death for 30 days after the person died, observe just one day of shiv'a. If you hear in less than 30 days, observe the regular seven-day shiv'a.

Ideal Location of Shiv'a

The ideal place to sit shiv'a is the home of the dead person, but any practical location is permitted.

Shiv'a in Several Locations

There may be more than one shiv'a house for one dead person. There is no requirement for people to all join for one shiv'a house, especially if the mourners live in different cities.

Mourners' Leaving the Shiv'a House

Mourners should not leave the shiv'a house even if they do not have a minyan there.

Note: There are some exceptions for extreme conditions, including medical reasons. A rabbi should be consulted.

Shiv'a and Going Elsewhere To Sleep

If there is not enough space for all of the mourners to sleep in the shiv'a house, they may go elsewhere to sleep at night.

Reason for Shiv'a House Minyan

The main reason for a shiv'a house minyan is to allow the male mourners to pray with a minyan and say kaddish, since they may not leave the house.

Shiv'a: Furnishings: Seat Height

Mourners during shiv'a do not sit on normal chairs. Any seat should be less than 12 inches high.

Shiv'a: Furnishings: Mirrors

Cover all mirrors after the funeral in the house of mourning (shiv'a house). This is a non-binding custom, not a halacha.

Shiv'a: Furnishing: Candle

Have a candle burn for seven days in the shiv'a house.

First Shiv'a Meal: Bread and Egg

The first meal should be bread and a hard-boiled egg. After that meal, any foods may be eaten, including meat and wine.

First Shiv'a Meal: Prepared by Others

The mourners do not eat their own food for the first meal after the burial, so other people bring prepared food to the shiv'a house.

Bringing Food to Shiv'a House

Bringing food to a shiv'a house is a non-binding custom, not a halacha. Some people have the custom for all seven days.

Bathing during Shiv'a

An avel should not bathe for pleasure and should only wash hands (to elbows), face (to collarbone), and feet (to the knees). If the avel is sweaty, smelly, or dirty, he or she may wash other body parts as needed.

Business during Shiv'a

An avel may not work and may not own an operating business during shiv'a.  If a death is imminent, consult a rabbi immediately to arrange a sale of the business.

Clothing during Shiv'a

Mourners may not wear leather shoes for the seven days of shiv'a.

Driving during Shiv'a

A mourner who absolutely must go somewhere may drive himself or herself (or be driven by someone else), but the proper observance of shiv'a is to stay home for the week.

Gifts during Shiv'a

A mourner may not give gifts for seven days.

It is not appropriate to give gifts to a mourner for one year if the mourner is mourning for a parent.

Greeting during Shiv'a

A mourner may not greet someone in return but may acknowledge a greeting to him/her and may say “thank you” back. (This restriction ceases if a Jewish festival occurs during shiv'a.)

Laundry during Shiv'a

A mourner may not do laundry nor wear clean clothes for comfort during shiv'a, but if all of the clothes are dirty, they may be washed. If so,

  • Someone else should briefly wear such clothes before the mourner wears them, or
  • The clothes may be thrown on the floor so that they will be considered dirty.

No Make Up for Mourner

A mourner should refrain from wearing make up during shiv'a.

Marital Relations during Shiv'a

A mourner may not have marital relations and may not touch his or her spouse affectionately during shiv'a.

Shiv'a: Mourning on Shabbat

A mourner does not mourn publicly on Shabbat.

Shiv'a: Entering Synagogue Friday Night

A mourner enters the synagogue on Friday evening before Mizmor shir l'yom haShabbat (after the main part of Kabbalat Shabbat has finished).

Reason: Mizmor shir is the actual starting point of Shabbat.

The congregation stands and, as the mourners walk in, greets the mourners with “HaMakom yenacheim etchem b'toch she'ar aveilei tzion v'yrushalayim.

Women and Public Consolation after Kabbalat Shabbat

It is not the custom for women to get public consolation (nichum aveilim) on Friday night at synagogue.

Tefilin: First Day of Shiv'a

Mourners do not wear tefilin on the first day (the day of burial), but do wear them after the first day.

Torah Study during Shiv'a

A mourner during shiv'a may not study Torah, other than:

  • Laws of mourning (aveilut), and
  • Whatever is permitted to study on Tish'a b'Av.

Note: This restriction ceases if a Jewish festival occurs during shiv'a.

Washing, Haircuts, Shaving during Shiv'a

An avel may not wash, shave, or get a haircut during shiv'a.

Copyright 2015 Richard B. Aiken. Halacha L’Maaseh appears courtesy of www.practicalhalacha.com Visit their web site for more information.

This material is provided for informational purposes only – not a substitute for the consultation of a competent rabbi.