A Lesson in Promoting Values to Our Children

And Avraham hastened into the tent unto Sarah, and said: Make ready quickly three measures of fine meal, knead it, and make cakes. And Abraham ran unto the herd, and fetched a calf tender and good, and gave it unto the lad; and he hastened to prepare it. (Sefer Beresheit 18:6-7)

1. Avraham enlists Sarah in providing hospitality

Parshat VaYera opens with the description of a visit by three travelers to Avraham. Avraham observes these travelers and runs to greet them. Him invites them into his home and offers them food and rest. The strangers accept Avraham’s invitation. Avraham learns that these travelers are messengers sent by Hashem. They impart to Avraham a message from Hashem. Sarah will soon conceive and give birth to a son – Yitzchak.

One of the interesting elements of the Torah’s treatment of this encounter is its description of Avraham’s hospitality. The Torah describes this hospitality in detail. The above passages describe Avraham’s personal involvement in the care of his guests. He directs Sarah to prepare fresh bread for the visitors. He selects an animal from his herd for slaughter and preparation for the guests. The passages describe Avraham’s running and rushing from activity to activity and urging Sarah and his lad to also quickly perform their tasks. This event took place while Avraham was recovering from his circumcision. Under those circumstances, his energetic attention to his visitors was especially remarkable.

The Torah previously described Avraham’s great wealth. In this description, the Torah explained that he had many servants. Nonetheless, Avraham did not direct a servant to prepare bread for his guests. He turned to Sarah to perform this task. Furthermore, the Torah mentions this detail in its description of the events. The attention given to this detail by the Torah indicates that it has significance.

2. The lad enlisted by Avraham

As noted above, the passages describe Avraham enlisting the assistance of a “lad” to prepare the selected animal for the guests. The term that is translated as “lad” is na’ar. The term na’ar describes a person who is not fully mature or self-directed. It can describe a person who is young and is emotionally immature. Sometimes, the term does not refer to a young person but to a servant. A servant also is not self-directed. Instead, he receives his direction from his master. When the term is used to describe a servant, it is applied regardless of the age of the servant.[1] In short, the term is sometimes used to describe a young person. Other times, it is used to describe a servant who may be any age.

The midrash provides different suggestions regarding the identity of the na’ar enlisted by Avraham. One opinion is that this na’ar was Eliezer – Avraham’s servant.[2] Rashi quotes another midrash. According to this opinion, the na’ar was Avraham’s son Yishamel. The midrash quoted by Rashi also discusses Avraham’s reason for enlisting Yishmael.

Apparently, the author of this opinion believes that Yishmael’s involvement requires explanation. As noted above, Avraham was wealthy. He could have called upon his many servants to prepare the meal for his guests. Instead, he enlisted his son. The midrash explains that Avraham wished to initiate Yishmael in the performance of the mitzvah of caring for guests.[3]

The midrash’s discussion of Yishmael’s involvement in serving the guests raises a question. Yishmael was enlisted in order to initiate him in the performance of the mitzvah of providing hospitality. However, Sarah was a wise, righteous woman. Avraham did not need to initiate her in the performance of this commandment. Why did he enlist her in his preparations for his guests rather than calling upon a servant? Before addressing this issue, it will be helpful to consider another issue from the parasha.

For I have known him, to the end that he may command his children and his household after him, that they may keep the way of Hashem, to do righteousness and justice; to the end that Hashem may bring upon Avraham that which He has spoken of him.' (Sefer Beresheit 18:19)

3. Hashem recognizes Avraham’s devotion to the teaching of his children

After these messengers deliver to Avraham the news of the approaching birth of Yitzchak, they set off for Sedom. They travel to Sedom as agents of its destruction. Before the messengers arrive at Sedom to execute their assignment, Hashem reveals to Avraham that Sedom will be destroyed. Avraham intercedes and asks that Hashem consider the righteous living in Sedom and spare the city. Avraham and Hashem enter into a dialogue concerning the number of righteous individuals required in order for Hashem to spare Sedom.

However, before Hashem reveals to Avraham that He plans to destroy Sedom, the Torah inserts three interesting passages. In these passages Hashem is described as dialoguing with Himself. He explains why He should reveal to Avraham that Sedom will be destroyed. In this brief discussion, Hashem notes that Avraham will instruct his children and the members of his household to go in the ways of Hashem and to pursue righteousness and justice. In other words, part of the reason that Hashem will enter into a dialogue with Avraham regarding the destruction of Sedom and the circumstances under which it might be spared, is that Avraham is devoted to imparting his understanding of the ways of Hashem, righteousness, and justice to his children and to the members of his household. It is not remarkable that Avraham will instruct his children and the members of his household in these values and behaviors. Every father and leader wishes to transmit his knowledge to his children or followers. However, the passage suggests that Avraham’s devotion to this process was special and surpassed the efforts common to fathers and leaders. What was special about Avraham’s devotion or methods?

4. Avraham’s strategy for imparting values to his children

Now, let us return to Avraham’s enlistment of Sarah and Yishmael in providing hospitality to his guests. As noted above, Avraham enlisted Yishmael in order to initiate him in the performance of this mitzvah. However, Avraham also enlisted Sarah. It seems that Avraham believed that his initiation of Yishmael required more than providing him with instructions to prepare the selected animal for their guests. Avraham believed that he needed to communicate to Yishmael that he was including him in an activity of the family. In order to accomplish this, it was not adequate to give Yishmael direction in the performance of his assigned task. Avraham, needed to demonstrate to Yishmael that he and Sarah were inviting him to be their partner in a family activity.

The message Avraham communicated to Yishmael was not merely that he should begin to undertake acts of kindness and charity. He communicated that kindness and charity are a fundamental value of their family. He communicated to Yishmael that these activities are activities of the family, and that Yishmael’s participation integrates him into an important activity of the family.

It is immediately after this lesson to Yishmael that Hashem acknowledges Avraham’s commitment to the instruction of his family in the ways of Hashem, righteousness, and justice. The juxtaposition of these two events suggests that Avraham’s thoughtful treatment of Yishmael is an example and demonstration of the commitment to teach the ways of Hashem, righteousness, and justice. Hashem was acknowledging the care and the considerable thought that Avraham had devoted to developing a strategy for imparting values to the members of his household and family. Avraham had concluded that these values cannot be effectively imparted through instruction alone. Avraham carefully considered how to instill these values in his son. Out of this thoughtful planning emerged his strategy of teaching kindness through inviting and integrating Yishmael into the family activity of hospitality.

This interpretation of Avraham’s behaviors also addresses another interesting issue. The midrash quoted by Rashi explains that Avraham enlisted Yishmael in order to initiate him in the performance of the mitzvah of hospitality. However, another version of the midrash offers an alternative explanation. Avraham enlisted Yishmael in order to encourage his zealous or energetic performance of the mitzvah.[4] According to this explanation, Avraham was not interested in merely initiating his son. He wished in inspire in his son an attitude of commitment and excitement.

According to the above interpretation, these two versions of the midrash are not in conflict with one another. They express different aspects of Avraham’s program. He did wish to initiate Yishmael into the mitzvah of hospitality. However, he also gave careful, thoughtful consideration to how to inspire. The strategy he devised was designed to initiate and also encourage and nurture enthusiasm.

5. Lessons from Avraham

Avraham’s strategy reminds us of the partnership between school and home. School must educate, teach and encourage values. However, the student’s embrace of these values and his or her attitude toward those values is also deeply influenced by home. Avraham’s strategy suggests the importance of value-rich activities that integrate all members of the family. For example, one suspects that in a home designed by Avraham, it would not be the mother’s responsibility to prepare for Shabbat. It would be an activity in which all members would participate. Avraham might suggest that the family spend some time at the Shabbat table learning together. The family, following his design might consider engaging – as a family – in chesed.

Avraham would tell us that family values are not those values shared by the family’s members but values that are pursued as a family.

[1] Rabbaynu Ovadia Sforno, Commentary on Sefer Beresheit, 2:6.

[2] Rav Menachem Mendel Kasher, Torah Shelymah vol 1, p 752.

[3] Rabbaynu Shlomo ben Yitzchak (Rashi), Commentary on Sefer Beresheit 18:7.

[4] Rav Menachem Mendel Kasher, Torah Shelymah vol 1, p 752 (footnote).