79. Revenge and Grudges

Deios 7:7

A person who takes revenge against another violates the Torah prohibition of “Do not take revenge” (Leviticus 19:18). Even though taking revenge was not punished by lashes, it is still a very bad trait. A person should learn to rise above his feelings for mundane things, which people of understanding consider to be insignificant and not worth seeking vengeance.

The case of taking revenge is as follows: A person asks his friend to borrow a tool and is refused. The next day, the one who refused asks to borrow a tool from the first person who responds, “You wouldn’t lend to me so I won’t lend to you.” This is taking revenge. Rather, one should lend it to him with a full heart, overlooking the other person’s slight. This applies in similar circumstances as well. King David addressed this in Psalms (7:5), when he said, “I have not repaid those who did evil to me….”

Deios 7:8

Any Jew who bears a grudge against another Jew violates the Torah prohibition of “Do not bear a grudge against the children of your people” (Leviticus 19:18). The case of bearing a grudge is as follows: Reuven asks Shimon to rent him a house or to lend him some object but Shimon refuses. A few days later, Shimon asks to borrow or rent something from Reuven. In this scenario, Reuven does Shimon the favor, saying, “I am not like you, nor am I getting back at you for your refusal.” One who does this violates the prohibition against bearing a grudge. Rather, one should eradicate the matter from his heart and never think of it again. As long as one remembers the incident, the possibility exists that it may motivate him to seek revenge. Therefore, the Torah spoke against holding a grudge at all; we should eradicate such slights from our hearts entirely so that we do not even remember them. This is a trait that facilitates a civilized society in which people’s interactions can flourish.