67. A Scholar's Modesty

Deios 5:6

A Torah scholar acts with great modesty. He does not do things to demean himself, nor does he uncover his head or his body. Even when using the restroom, he should act modestly and not uncover himself until he is seated. He should not clean himself using his right hand. He should distance himself from other people and use a far stall. If he relieves himself behind a fence (at a time before indoor plumbing, when such things were acceptable), he should move far enough away that no one will hear if he passes wind. If circumstances require him to relieve himself in an open area (again, this was before indoor plumbing), he should be far enough away that no one sees him expose himself. One should not speak while using the facilities, not even in a case of great need. The scholar’s bathroom habits should be as modest by night as they are by day. One should accustom himself to use the facilities early in the morning and after dark so that he will not have to go far. (Again, this was an issue before modern plumbing.)

Deios 5:7

A Torah scholar should not shout when he speaks, nor even raise his voice. Rather, he should address all people gently. He should also stand at a respectable distance, so that he not appear to speak like arrogant people do. The scholar should greet everyone so that they be will pleased with him. He should judge everyone favorably and speak well of his fellow man, not to his detriment, loving and pursuing peace. If he sees that his words will be useful and will be heeded, he should speak, otherwise he should remain silent. Therefore, he should not try to calm a person who is in the throes of anger. He should not ask a person about his vow when he is impetuously making it; rather, he should wait until the person has calmed down. He should not comfort a mourner before the deceased is buried because the mourner is preoccupied. This rule applies in other cases where one’s words are likely to be ignored. He should not look at another person while he is being humiliated; he should focus on other things. A scholar may not twist the facts, nor exaggerate or minimize a situation, unless he is doing so in an attempt to make peace, or for similarly altruistic reasons. In short, a Torah scholar should only speak words of wisdom, words necessary to perform acts of kindness, and similar things. He should not converse with a woman in public, not even his wife, sister or daughter.