Mom's Not Home - Who Lights Shabbos Candles?

My wife is out of town for Shabbos and my 12-year-old daughter asked if she could light the Shabbos candles in our home. Can she do it, or is it preferable that the husband light the candles if his wife is away?

The mitzvah of Neiros Shabbos doesn’t seem to be inherently tied to women. In fact, the Rambam[1] writes that both men and women are obligated, yet he writes[2] that women do light because they are more involved in caring for the home and thus on hand to light the candles. This is apparent in the Mishnah,[3] which indicates that candle lighting is a women’s mitzvah, and the Yerushalmi[4] explains that because Chava’s sin played a role in diminishing the light of the world, women are tasked with bringing light through Shabbos candles.[5] Some Achronim[6] believe that the requirement to light candles is really that of the husband, and the woman serves as a שליח of her husband. Interestingly, while traditionally men do not light the Shabbos candles,[7] there is a long-standing practice that the husband of the home prepares the candles for his wife.[8] The standard custom is that only one individual in the home lights the Shabbos candles. However, the Aruch Hashulchan[9] records the custom that all the girls in the home light candles and recite a bracha. This is well known as the practice of Chabad families, where even young girls light the Shabbos candles. Interestingly, some have noted that the practice in other Chassidic families as well as the tradition in Brisk was that only girls 12 and above lit candles.[10]

In a situation where the woman of the home is unable to light candles, who steps in? It is arguable that one’s daughter should light based on the reasoning of the Yerushalmi. But it is not entirely clear if the Rambam’s reasoning applies to the young women in the home. Moreover, being that שליחות may play a role in the women of the home lighting, it is arguable that this applies only to one’s wife but not to his daughter. For this reason, seems that it is preferable for the man of the home to light when his wife is not home.[11] This is all assuming that the young girls in the home follow the traditional practice and do not light their own candles in addition to their mother’s. However, for those who have the custom that girls in the home light, when the mother of the home is absent, an adult daughter can be the one to light the Shabbos candles for the family.

[1] Shabbos 5:1

[2] 5:3

[3] Shabbos 31b

[4] Shabbos 2:6

[5] See Rashi Shabbos 32a d.h. Hareini, Tur 263.

[6] Bach 2, Shulchan Aruch Harav K”A 2.

[7] See Teshuvos Yechaveh Daas 2:32

[8] See Magen Avraham 263:7, R’ Akiva Eiger, Mishnah Shabbos 2:6.

[9] 263:7

[10] See Sefer Neiros Shabbos Kodesh 1 page 29.

[11] See Orchos Shabbos 33 footnote 18, Shmiras Shabbos K’Hilchasa 45 footnote 34.