1,314. When Does Aveilus Start?

204:1 Aveilus (the mourning period) begins immediately when the deceased is buried and the grave is filled with earth. The mourner removes his shoes at the cemetery; if he needs to walk home through non-Jewish neighborhoods (where they will mock him), he may leave them on and put a little dirt in them.

204:2 If the cemetery is close to town and a mourner didn't go there, returning instead to his home, he starts aveilus when he is informed that the grave has been filled. In any case, if it is close to nightfall and he wants this day to count as the first day of shiva, then he may start from the time when he estimates the grave was filled. See the Ritva on Moed Katan 22a: there he writes, "rather, (the mourner) waits an amount of time, etc." If he was later told that the grave was filled before night fell, this day counts as the first day of shiva. Not only that, if the evening is yom tov, the holiday cancels the mourning of shiva.