Tempering Temptation
Adapted by Channie Koplowitz Stein
With Parshat Vayeishev we begin the narrative of Yosef, one of the very few people who have earned the title of tzadik. Yosef earned that honorarium after the incident recorded in this week's parshah.
We remember that Yosef Hatzadik was a grand dreamer and an interpreter of dreams. We recall how his brothers hated him and sold him into slavery in Egypt. He was bought by Potifar, the courtier of Pharaoh, the Chamberlain of the Butchers. We are also told that Yosef was extremely handsome. [Later, Rashi says women would climb to rooftops to catch a glimpse of him.] In this scenario, Potifar's wife tries to seduce him, spending a year in her attempts. Yosef always rebuffs her advances. Finally, one day, they are completely alone, [perhaps orchestrated by Mrs. Potifar] and Mrs. Potifar manages to get Yosef in seclusion. Her seduction is almost successful. Yosef finds it very hard to pull away from her. The Torah highlights Yosef's struggle with the unusual trop/cantillation/musical notation over the word veyemaein/he refused. The cantillation is a shalshelet, a triple note that rises and falls three times, drawing out the word, mimicking Yosef's emotional hesitation. And it is then followed immediately by a stop.
The medrash supplies several reasons that Yosef Hatzadik used to bolster his resolve. He remembered the akeidah, and imagined that if he were to be called upon to offer himself as a sacrifice to God, and if he succumbed to the current situation, Hashem would reject him as being impure. Alternately, if Hashem would wish to reveal Himself to me as He did to my father, He would not reveal Himself if I were ritually impure.
Perhaps the best known medrash is that Yosef saw the image of his father reflected in the window. The image seemed to warn him that his name could be omitted from the tribal names on the ephod, the priestly tunic holding the breastplate with the names of all the tribes. The name of someone who is promiscuous with harlots would be denied such an honor and would be denied riches. Yosef immediately stopped.
This is how we are to response to any temptation, writes the Shem Mishmuel. Our first response must be an emphatic No! No argument. No logic that the yetzer horo can find a way to refute. In arguments, writes Rabbi Doniel Ochion, the yetzer horo will generally win, but against a determined, emphatic choice, the yetzer horo loses its power. Like the shalshelet, whose root is shalosh/three, say an emphatic No! three times, and you can be victorious over he yetzer horo. [Salesmen and telemarketers are taught this truth as well. They are told not to accept No until the customer/target repeats his No three times. CKS] Only after that refusal is entrenched in your will and psyche can you then find reasons to validate the choice, adds Rabbi Yerucham Levovitz.
This is the same strategy in reverse that one should use to perform mitzvoth, writes Rabbi Michel Twerski in Sefer Yiram Hayam. When presented with an opportunity to do a mitzvah, the first response should be Yes, I want to do God's will and command. Only after that commitment should one begin trying to find a logical reason for the mitzvah.
A classic story about Rav Moshe Feinstein zt"l was that as he was leaving a wedding and people were waiting for him outside, he suddenly stopped and would go no further, saying there was a wall blocking his way. Later he explained that he could go no further because a man was davening Shemoneh Esrai at the doorway, and it is forbidden to pass in front of him. To Rabbi Feinstein zt"l, that prohibition was like an impassable wall in front of him.
Most of us live in two worlds, the physical world of our wishes and the spiritual world of Hashem's wishes. We struggle daily to align these two worldviews, and when we cannot, we hopefully opt to do Hashem's will. But there is the occasional Jew whose entire essence is doing Hashem's will, and anything that may conflict with that world doesn't even enter his mind. That wall, that mountain, always blocks the physical path that would lead him away from Hashem's will. We aspire to have that focus of viewing everything through the lens of Hashem's will.
What did Yosef Hatzadik do immediately after that emphatic No! and the explanation to Mrs. Potifar? [The reasons were for her; Yosef himself needed no further reason.] He fled, even leaving his coat behind. The greatest challenge today is in the field of improper sexual behavior, especially with the influence and ubiquitousness of social media. Our defense must be to flee immediately, to avoid even seeing, lest one get caught up in its snare. Rabbi Abramski zt’l explains that the reason the Torah provides a path for a soldier to marry a beautiful, captive woman is because in a field of battle, the soldier cannot run away. By creating an acceptable path for the soldier to follow his passion, the soldier avoids the stumbling block of promiscuity.
Yaakov's overriding characteristic was emes, truth. Truth must be anchored in something firm and solid. Yosef, on the other hand, is a man of dimyon, imagination. Now, imagination standing alone is foolish fantasy, the source of sin, the cause of profligate extravagance. But imagination based on truth, on Torah, gives one the wisdom to extrapolate Torah law and extend it to comparable situations, albeit those situations are not explicitly in the Torah itself. It builds on the principles of truth. The most striking area in which dimyon can be used is in the area of reproduction. When based on a positive, moral sense, it leads to procreation and the dreams and sense of responsibility it generates in the long term. It furthers the legacy and truths of earlier generations. It is an investment in the future. When not based on the permanency of truth, it leads to pleasure that is degenerative and fleeting, a mere fantasy.
This was the test of Yosef Hatzadik, notes Rabbi Lopiansky. Yosef the Dreamer does not submit to fantasy, but builds on the legacy of his father, on emes, as he sees the image of his father Yaakov Avinu reflected back at him from the window.
The Sifsei Chaim relates the medrash of a discussion between the angels and Hakodosh Boruch Hu, and Hashem takes emes and throws it to the ground. Was Hashem trying to destroy truth, to denigrate it? No. Hashem was putting emes into the ground as a place it could take root and blossom. Children's games begin in fantasy, but they become the root of creativity when, in adulthood, they ground themselves in reality. If they stay in the world of falsehood and fantasy, they spend their lives in movies and social media, and at worst, in drugs and alcohol. Taking it out of the realm of fantasy and falsehood, and planting imagination into the soil of reality, imagination becomes a tool for productivity.
Rav Rivlin zt”l takes us back to Gan Eden when the snake lured Chava to eat of the Tree of Knowledge. Both "knowing" and "eating" are euphemisms for sexual intimacy. What the snake had accomplished was taking the sacred act of intimacy and tainting it with the passion of physicality. Adam and Chava were supposed to wait until Shabbat, until Friday night, [How many more hours could it have been since they were first created on the sixth day!] to consummate their relationship. Instead of waiting for the time when their passion could be grounded in sanctity, they desecrated it.
Yaakov, with his trait of emes was the tikun of Adam's sin, a rectification that was to be actualized through his son Yosef. That's why Yosef needed to be tempted with the same sin and withstand it.
How does one arrive at a point of such moral and emotional strength to stand firm with one's No!? In Ohel Moshe, Rav Scheinerman gives us a window into Yosef Hatzadik's mind that will help up withstand temptations. Yosef knew he was his father's beloved son. Perhaps Hashem would ask that Yosef too should be brought to the altar as was Avraham's favorite son. If he succumbed to Mrs. Potifar, he would render himself impure and unworthy of being that sacrificial lamb. Similarly, if Hashem chose to speak to him, he must also choose to remain pure to be worthy of hearing Hashem's voice. Given his exalted status, reasoned Yosef, he could not demean himself by doing this unholy act and be unfaithful to his father and to his God.
Rabbi Scheinerman reminds us that we too are an exalted and beloved people. We should not limit ourselves. Each of us has an elevated soul. If we internalize our unlimited capacity for greatness, we will strengthen our will to withstand the lures of the world that try to pull us down into the mire. Realize your own greatness, adds Rabbi Pam, and you will not fall into sinful behavior.
When I limit myself, I create a darkness within, writes Rav Fein zt”l in Bein Hamishpataim. The soul of man is a candle of God. We need to keep that candle burning, not extinguish it. As we approach Chanukah, let us remember that the Greeks wanted to extinguish that flame, remove God's presence from the Beit Hamikdosh and from the sanctuary within every Jew. We need to tap into that greatness within us. Yosef Hatzadik teaches us how to confront and overcome the challenges We live above the natural world, and we can accomplish and overcome.
Rabbi Zaks zt”lin Menachem Zion reminds us that we are part of the shalshelet, the chain of our tradition. It goes back to our patriarchs, and to Yosef, and will extend forward for all generations to come. We want to be a strong link in that chain.
Rabbi Wolbe zt”l makes a wonderful observation. Each of us is challenged differently. We can deduce where our personal avodas Hashem lies by observing where our greatest challenges lie, for that is where the yetzer horo will expend its greatest effort against us. When we realize this, we are equipped to fight the yetzer horo, knowing that our greatest strength is also in this area. If we are resolute, Hashem will help us achieve the greatness within us.
When we train ourselves to immediately say No to inappropriate enticements, when we realize our own greatness and appreciate our family and ancestral line, we will have the strength and determination to withstand the negative urges the physical, lying world throws before us. We will resolve to be proud links in the shalshelet, the chain unto eternity.