Toldot: Towards Rearing Successful Children

Why is this parsha called Toldot when many other parshiot discuss offspring as well? What distinguishes it to earn this name?

Before answering, recently, in commemoration of Rabbi Lord Jonathan Sacks zt"l's yahrtzeit, someone rebroadcast an interview with him. Rabbi Sacks was asked whether he ever experienced failure. He jovially responded that from age twenty to forty he failed in trying to publish a book. But from forty and on, he published one every year. A lot of life is about failure.

Considering the frailty of life, at the very least, we want to raise our kids with the best chance of success. In a drasha, Rabbi Dovid Hirsch brought forth the idea of Rabbi Samson Raphael Hirsch, who posits that, in the area of raising children, Yitzchak and Rivkah fell short. Though Esav didn't belong in the same "yeshiva" as Yaakov, he was still treated the same. Esav's potential wasn't nurtured correctly, and he went astray.

A similar idea was put forth by Rav Herschel Schachter on the Gemara (Chagigah 5b) that says, “The Sages taught that there are three types of people for whom the Holy One, Blessed be He, cries every day: For one who is able to engage in Torah study and does not engage in it; and for one who is unable to engage in Torah study and nevertheless he endeavors and engages in it; and for a leader who lords over the community.”

Counterintuitively, the Gemara dissuades one who is unable to engage in Torah from pursuing it. Shouldn’t the pursuit of full-time study be espoused by G-d no matter what? The answer is that every person must find their own satisfaction in life. A creative business entrepreneur who would feel trapped in the study halls is not doing G-d a favor. Not only is he wasting his talents, but he’s living a life of sadness, which G-d “cries for.” Every person was given unique talents, and that’s the charge from G-d, not a charge of brazen sadness.

We’re a religion of giving to others, but that doesn’t discount the need to give to ourselves. There are many terms of “I” in our books. The Mishna in Pirkei Avot (1:14) says, “Hillel says, "If I am not for myself, who will be for me? But if I am only for myself, who am I? If not now, when?” Hillel begins by emphasizing that each person must be for themselves first, after all, how can you help others if you don’t know where your gifts lie?

The Mishna in Sanhedrin (4:5) notes our individuality by expressing how G-d created us all uniquely, “for when a person stamps several coins with one seal, they are all similar to each other. But the supreme King of kings, the Holy One, Blessed be He, stamped all people with the seal of Adam the first and not one of them is similar to another. Therefore, each and every person is obligated to say: The world was created for me.” Again, we find the need for man to recognize his individuality, before reaching his full potential in affecting the community.

Perhaps, this is why this parsha is called Toldot. The message is that if you want successful children, the greatest feat possible, then recognize their individual uniqueness and make sure to enthusiastically support them in that area.