Sharing Cups

While it is well known that it is generally bad manners to share drinking cups, doing so might even be life threatening![1] This is based on a recorded case of someone who drank from a cup, but didn’t clean the cup before giving it to someone else to drink from. This other person happened to be an istenis, a fastidious person. He was so disgusted at the thought of drinking from the used cup that he refused to do so and ended up dying of thirst.[2] Some people simply experience extreme feelings of revulsion at the thought of drinking from a cup that someone else drank from, and, by extension, a cup in which there may be food or saliva remains.

In the event that two (or more) people are forced to share the same cup, the cup should at least be cleaned at the place where contact with the mouth was made before it is passed on to the next person.[3] One should also make an effort to determine if those one is sharing a cup with might be ill in some way. For the purposes of these halachot, it makes no difference whether those sharing cups are related or not.[4] It is also noted that sharing cups is considered to be something intimate, reserved for husband and wife, while sharing most other types of solid food is commonplace and acceptable.[5]

This issue is especially relevant to the widespread custom of passing around the Kiddush cup for everyone present to drink from the Kiddush wine. If one knows that some of the individuals present are istenisin who would likely prefer not to drink from a cup that others have drunk from, then one should provide them with their own cup of wine. Another option is to simply place the Kiddush cup on the table for anyone who wishes to drink from it to do so on their own. In this way, those who, for whatever reason, prefer not to drink from the Kiddush cup won’t be embarrassed to decline the cup when it is passed to them.[6] Some authorities say that the general disapproval of sharing cups does not include sharing cups in the course of a mitzva.[7] According to this approach, there is no problem whatsoever with sharing the Kiddush cup with others.

Related to this is the widespread Chassidic practice to eat food from which a Rebbe has partaken. This is referred to as the practice of "shirayim," meaning “leftovers.” Those who subscribe to this custom would be well-advised to only partake of those foods that did not come into direct contact with the Rebbe's mouth.[8] Similarly, a rabbi who drinks some of the wine when officiating at a chuppa should somehow clean the cup before handing it to the bride and groom for them to drink.[9]

The Talmud teaches that we are to be careful about spreading our germs. It is related that Rav Yossi and Rav Yehuda were once eating porridge out of the same bowl, one with his dirty hands and the other with a utensil. The one eating with the utensil said to the one eating with his hands, “How long will you keep feeding me your excrement?” The one eating with his hands said to the one eating with the utensil, “How long will you keep feeding me your saliva?”[10] We see from here that sharing food in an unsanitary manner is unbecoming and spreads germs and sickness.[11]

[1] OC 170:15; Sefer Chassidim 111.

[2] Tamid 27b.

[3] OC 170:22; Yabia Omer 5:10; Kaf Hachaim (Palagi) 24:63. See also Bnei Tzion (Lichtman), OC 170 at length (with thanks to Rav Yosef Braun for this source).

[4] Pri Toar 116:6 (with thanks to Rav Yosef Braun for this source).

[5] See Sidrei Tahara 195:8 (with thanks to Rav Yosef Braun for this source)

[6] Mishna Berura 170:37.

[7] Zivchei Tzedek 2:27.

[8] Minhag Yisrael Torah, OC 170:8. For much more on the custom of shirayim see my “Eilu V’eilu.”

[9] Yabia Omer 5:10:7.

[10] Nedarim 49b.

[11] Taz, OC 170:8; Mishna Berura 170:37. See also Sefer Chassidim 829.