Torah Study vs. Honoring Parents

Important note: It's always important to consult your own rabbi regarding matters of practical application; that's especially true in cases such as the following!

Q. What’s a greater mitzvah, learning Torah or honoring your parents?

A. Thanks for your question. On the one hand, the Torah promises a person great reward for honoring his or her parents. On the other hand, we are taught that Torah study is equal to all other mitzvos combined.

Consider also Leviticus 19:3, which tells us (a) that we have to respect our parents and (b) that we have to keep Shabbos. We see from this that we must listen to our parents except when they tell us to go against the Torah, such as by violating Shabbos.

Asking "which is more important" regarding mitzvos is usually a false dilemma, i.e., there's not really a forced choice. In the case of learning Torah vs. respecting parents, there actually can be a conflict if one's parents don't want him or her to learn Torah, or if the child thinks that a certain yeshiva would be best for their learning and the parent disagrees.

But here's where the conflict breaks down: people assume that respecting one's parents means automatically doing whatever they say. This is in fact not the case. There are several areas where one can go against their parents' wishes, such as when choosing whom to marry and where to study Torah. So, studying Torah against a parent's wishes is not in and of itself a violation of one's obligation to respect them. The issue is that in cases where one is permitted to disagree with a parent, one is required to do so respectfully. Get into a screaming match with one's parent is never okay, and that's where the danger lies.

I hope this helps!

Rabbi Jack's book Ask Rabbi Jack is available from Kodesh Press and on Amazon.com.