30. Cases Where Shaming Someone May Be Permitted

Dedicated by Fran Broder as a zechus for the hostages to be released safely to their families and may everlasting peace come to Eretz Yisrael in the merit of learning Hilchot Bein Adam L’Chaveiro

1.   It is permissible to cause embarrassment to someone privately for the benefit of the one being embarrassed or the benefit of others (R. Elchanan Wasserman, Kovetz Ha’arot 70). For example, one who refuses to conduct herself appropriately (such as a student in school, a child at home, or a worker) or who causes harm to others may be spoken to in a manner that causes them shame (L’Reiacha Kamocha, vol.3, p.201).

2.   The following conditions, which are similar to those in which lashon hara is permitted, must be met to allow shaming someone privately in the situations mentioned: a) One has verified that the person has definitely committed the actions warranting the embarrassment. b) One intends to shame them solely for their benefit.  c) There is no other way to achieve the necessary goal other than this.  d) One does not shame them any more than absolutely necessary. (L’Reiacha Kamocha, p.202)