Resources for Kesubos 77
1. The גמרא brings a מחלוקת as to whether we force a couple to et divorced if they haven’t had children in ten years. The פּשטות of the סוגיא is that even though there is a מחלוקת whether we force a divorce, everyone would agree that they should get divorced so that the husband can be מקיים פּרו ורבו. The רא"ש and ר"ן as well as other ראשונים say that if the husband can get a second wife then he doesn’t need to divorce his current wife. The reason we force a divorce is only because most women would not agree to be a second wife even in the times of the גמרא. What about nowadays when there is a חרם דרבינו גרשום to have two wives? If you look in the actual תשובות דרבינו גרשום in סימן מ"ב you will see that רבינו גרשום specifically allowed people to have two wives in this type of situation and never included it in his חרם. Nonetheless, the ערוך השולחן in סימן א ס"ק כ"ה said that the גדולי אחרונים did not allow this. The general מנהג seems to not tell such couples to divorce and there were unfortunately many gedolim (even in Israel) who never had children and were married their whole lives to the same woman.
2. The גמרא brings the amazing story of רבי יהושע בן לוי. At one point רבי יהושע בן לוי jumps over into גן עדן. The מלאך המות grabs him by his cloak but רבי יהושע בן לוי swears he will never leave. הקב"ה says that if רבי יהושע בן לוי was never שואל על שבועתו then he can stay. It’s sounds like it’s a הידור to never be מתיר נדר. The קובץ שיעורים in אות רע"ח asks how this can be true when the גמרא in נדרים כ"ב says that someone who makes a נדר is like he built a במה and someone who is מקיים the נדר is as if he was מקריב a קרבן on it. That sounds like being מתיר the נדר is better! He answers that it depends on the נדר. If it’s a נדר של רשות then its better not to make it and if you do its better to be מבטל it like the גמרא in נדרים. However, נדרי מצוה which was the sort of נדר that רבי יהושע בן לוי would make is good to make and better not to be מתיר. The מכתב מאליהו in חלק ד has a section on אגדתא and goes through every line of our גמרא. He explains that when רבי יהושע בן לוי asked to see his place in גן עדן was asking to see what his true self was and where he was supposed to reach in this world. When he jumped in to גן עדן it means he had clearly seen his place and had fully decided to do תשובה and reach that level before he died. He was caught by his clothes which symbolize his physical self but swore he would not “leave” meaning he would keep his commitment. When Hashem said he can stay if he was never מתיר נדר it means if he is someone who never changes his mind then he can stay with this clear vision and “stay in גן עדן”. According to that there is no משמעות from our גמרא as to whether there is anything wrong with being מתיר נדר.
3. The גמרא says that רבי שמעון בר יוחאי asked רבי יהושע בן לוי if there was ever a rainbow in his days and he responded that there had been. However, the גמרא tells us that in fact there hadn’t been a rainbow and רבי יהושע בן לוי just didn’t want to make himself look good. Many אחרונים ask how it could be that רבי יהושע בן לוי said something that wasn’t true in the עולם האמת?! In truth, we all know the famous חז"ל of מותר לשנות מפּני השלום. We also know it is not limited to שלום as the גמרא in בבא מציעא דף כ"ג ע"ב says one can be משנה for three things and one of them is “מסכתא” which can be loosely translated as “your רוחניות accomplishments” which would fit with our גמרא However, the ט"ז in או"ח סימן תקס"ה ס"ק ו goes even farther. He seems to say that a person can be untruthful for any דבר מצוה. The מכתב מאליהו in חלק א page 94 defines אמת as that which brings to טוב ורצון הבורא and everything else is שקר. So if your mother asks you how do you like the soup she worked so hard on and you say the truth that its terrible, that is considered שקר and saying it is wonderful is אמת. By that definition, no שקר was spoken at all.
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