Table Manners and Meal Time
Proper table manners are an essential component of halachic living even though there are always those who exhibit manners which would have one conclude otherwise. We are told that the ancient Persians had exemplary table manners which were worth emulating.[1] Poor manners are so unbecoming that the Yom Kippur confessional includes a passage for inappropriate table manners! One should always offer one's guests something to eat[2] as it is considered improper for a guest to have to ask for food.[3] One should never eat or drink while standing.[4] It is generally forbidden to throw food[5] although there exists a custom in some families to throw the pieces of challa from the "hamotzi" on Shabbat.[6] One should never speak while eating.[7] It might just be that it is preferable to reserve meat for evening meals.[8]
It is interesting to note that not only are table manners mandated by the Talmud, but dining times are as well, each according to his class and personality.[9] For example, the Talmud teaches that ravenous people should eat within the first hour of each day. Thieves should eat during the second hour and wealthy individuals should dine in the third hour of the day. Regular people should eat during the fourth hour though if one has an occupation that requires one to work with one's hands then the fifth hour is to be preferred. Finally, Torah scholars should eat their meals in the sixth hour of the day. Regardless of when one decides to eat, it should be at a set time every day.[10] Women should allow their husbands to be the first to partake of bread at meals as doing so is said to ensure that wives won’t overeat.[11]
One must be sensitive about spreading germs when eating. The Talmud relates that Rabbi Yossi and Rabbi Yehudah were eating porridge out of the same bowl, one with his dirty hands and the other with a utensil. The one eating with the utensil said to the one eating with his hands: “Until when will you keep feeding me your excrement?” The one eating with his hands then said to the one eating with the utensil: “Until when will you keep feeding me your saliva?” From here we learn the importance of consideration and attention to hygiene and germs, especially as it affects others at meal time.[12]
Meals are supposed to be held with family and other loved ones rather than alone, as King Solomon says: “Better is a meager meal of vegetables with love than a rich luxurious meal without love.”[13] One should be in a good mood when sitting down to a meal.[14] Eating in public is considered to be in poor taste[15] as will be elaborated upon in the next chapter. Eating while standing should be avoided,[16] though it is permitted to enjoy a quick bite or "l'chaim" while standing.[17] Furthermore, one mustn’t eat until one is stuffed, but rather just enough so that one is no longer hungry.[18] Indeed, overeating is a grave sin.[19] One is also obligated to say divrei Torah at least once during the course of a meal.[20] At the very minimum, the Birkat Hamazon recited at the end of the meal will fill the role of divrei Torah, though one should add one's own words of Torah or recite a chapter of Tehillim at every meal.[21] Be advised that drinking hot liquids and eating warm bread Saturday nights is said to be therapeutic.[22] One should only eat when hungry and only drink when thirsty.[23]
It is strongly advised that one begin the day with an early breakfast,[24] and eating well protects one from the weather.[25] One should wait some time after eating before beginning any exercise.[26] One's eating should exceed the amount one drinks.[27] Never drink out of the same cup as someone else – it could kill you.[28] Using dishes and cutlery that are damaged or broken can lead to forgetfulness.[29] One should not make drastic changes in one's diet, as doing so can lead to severe intestinal disorders.[30] It goes without saying that wasting food is a serious sin.[31] One should not intentionally prepare extra food in order to have leftovers for another day.[32] Nevertheless, when one does have leftovers, they may be saved to be eaten at another time. One who sees food lying on the ground should pick it up and properly dispose of it[33] or at least move it to the side of the road.[34]
One should be sure to use the bathroom before a meal, if needed.[35] Eating should never be a rushed event - take your time.[36] The Talmud recommends that one not slice bagels or meat upon one's hands, as the blood that gushes from such a wound may spoil or otherwise ruin the taste of one's food.[37] Additionally, a guest should never serve food to the children of the host, lest there be a lack of food for other guests.[38] Never stare at someone when they’re eating.[39] It is prohibited to invite people for a meal if it is known in advance that they will not be able to attend.[40] One should never eat from food which has been eaten from by an animal[41] nor should food that is perfectly acceptable for human consumption be given to an animal to eat.[42]
Some authorities teach that there should always be a tablecloth on the table upon which one eats.[43] There should also be salt on one's table, even when the table is not in use.[44] It is considered proper to leave some food over on one's plate so as not to appear ravenous. One should never drink an entire cup at once[45] though it is permitted to do so when drinking in the course of a mitzva, such as at kiddush.[46] It is bad manners to lick one's plate or fingers.[47] Food that one has chewed should not be taken out of one's mouth, and certainly not placed upon the table.[48] One should wait the amount of time it takes to recite the bracha achrona for the food which one has eaten before rising from the table. As such, after a meal in which one ate bread, one should wait the amount of time it takes to recite the birkat hamazon before leaving the table.[49] One should never sit on a table as a table is compared to an altar.[50] So too, one should not kill a bug on a table[51] but if doing so is needed in order to ensure that the bug does not enter one's food then it is permitted.[52]
[1] Berachot 8b.
[2] Piskei Teshuvot 169:2.
[3] OC 170:13.
[4] Gittin 70a; Be'er Heitev O.C. 170:17.
[5] Berachot 50a; OC 167:18, 171:1; Mishna Berura 168:88, 171:9; Kaf Hachaim, OC 171:6; Aruch Hashulchan, OC 171:3.
[6] Hitorerut Teshuva 1:121,178. See http://www.dafdigest.org/berachos/Berachos%20050.pdf for more on this controversial custom.
[7] OC 170:1.
[8] Yoma 75a; Minhag Yisrael Torah, OC 170:17.
[9] Pesachim 12b.
[10] Yoma 75b.
[11] Shabbat 140b.
[12] Nedarim 49b, cited on the Hirhurim.com website by Rabbi Gil Student. See also Chagiga 5a, Sefer Chassidim 44, and Rambam, Hilchot Ma'achalot Asurot 17:29-31.
[13] Mishlei 15:17.
[14] OC 170:6; Mishna Berura 170:45.
[15] Kiddushin 40b; some authorities even discourage restaurants based on this!
[16] Gittin 70a; Rambam, Hilchot Deot 4:3; Ben Ish Chai, Behar 11; Be'er Heitev, OC 170:16; Shulchan Aruch Harav, OC 296:15; Mishna Berura 296:6; Rav Pe'alim 2:45.
[17] Minhag Yisrael Torah, OC 170:11.
[18] Pesachim 114a.
[19] Eruvin 83b.
[20] Avot 3:3; Mishna Berura 170:1.
[21] Aruch Hashulchan, OC 170:1, Rivevot Ephraim 1:134.
[22] Shabbat 119b.
[23] Sefer Chassidim 127.
[24] Pesachim 112a.
[25] Ibid.
[26] Shabbat 129b.
[27] Megilla 12a.
[28] OC 170:16; Mishna Berura 37; Sefer Chassidim 111.
[29] Kaf Hachaim, OC 2:3.
[30] Nedarim 37b.
[31] Devarim 20:19.
[32] Mishna Berura 157:4.
[33] Eruvin 65b; Bava Metzia 23a; Mishna Berura 171:11.
[34] Rabbeinu Yehonatan, Eruvin 19b.
[35] Mishna Berura 157:4.
[36] Berachot 54b.
[37] Berachot 8b.
[38] Chullin 94a.
[39] Kitzur Shulchan Aruch 42:13; OC 170:4; Sefer Chassidim 180
[40] Kitzur Shulchan Aruch 63:5; Sefer Chassidim 51.
[41] Be'er Heitev, OC 170:12.
[42] Taanit 20a; Minhag Yisrael Torah, OC 171:1.
[43] Piskei Teshuvot 157:4.
[44] Beit Yosef, OV 167; Rema, OC 167:5; Kaf Hachaim, OC 157:9.
[45] OC 170:8.
[46] Rivevot Ephraim 7:103.
[47] Piskei Teshuvot 170:4,14.
[48] OC 170:10.
[49] Rokach 329.
[50] Yechezkel 41:22.
[51] Sefer Chassidim 102; Shaar Hatziun 167:26.
[52] V'harev Na, Vol II, Tetzaveh.