Parshas Vayechi: Writing an Ethical Will
Melachim I 2:1-12
In this week’s Torah reading and Haftarah we read of the directives of dying parents to their children. In the Parsha Yaakov Avinu blesses his children while in the Haftarah King David delivers parting words to his son Shlomo. In today’s vernacular we call these deathbed directives “ethical wills”. The content of an ethical will strives to offer cross-generational messages to loved ones in effort to carry one’s own mission forward and leave a living legacy behind.
The words of Yaakov and David were meant not only for their children but for their descendants generations later, namely messages for us. Thinking of their words as a message in a bottle, their messages surface thousands of years later. These are ideas that we can tap into as we try to find resilience and strength in our life journey today.
In our Haftarah, we read about David’s parting words to his twelve year old son. King David first addresses the reality of loss to his soon-to-be grieving child. He shares the realities of life but in doing so, provides strength and encouragement. One can understand the following verse descriptively rather than as a directive. אָנֹכִ֣י הֹלֵ֔ךְ בְּדֶ֖רֶךְ כׇּל־הָאָ֑רֶץ וְחָזַקְתָּ֖ וְהָיִ֥יתָֽ לְאִֽישׁ׃, I am going the ways of the land and you will be strong and you will be a man. Knowing that someone believes in you and anticipates your success provides strength and encouragement at a point of loss and struggle. “You got this, you will pull through” is a message that Shlomo could hold on to as he was thrust into his new role as king.
Many years ago, Rabbi Frand gave a teshuva lecture in the Young Israel of Flatbush and encouraged the participants to write an ethical will. A couple in the audience, Belle and Hilbert Chasky took up the charge and wrote a letter to their children and grandchildren.
The letter they wrote demonstrates their unswerving commitment to Yiddishkeit in a beautiful, profound and uplifting way. Their ethical will was shared with me by his grandson, Dr. Moshe Chasky when his Grandpa Hilbert passed away. We had the good fortune of hosting Grandpa Hilbert in our home and saw his faith in and love of Yiddishkeit firsthand. Below are some of his heartfelt words:
We feel that we are blessed with children and their spouses and grandchildren who are going in the right derech and will continue to make us proud, knowing that the baton wil be carried into the next generation. This is what happiness is all about - not only material wealth - but the desire to use your assets and spend wisely.
We have always tried to show you how to run and do a mitzvah like enjoying going to minyan and preparing for Shabbat and lighting the Shabbat and Yom Tov candles with love. Children, as you struggle through life, you will encounter many temptations and challenges and will have to make many decisions. In order not to fall into the Yetzer Hara trap of misdeeds, just think of a respected rabbi or aged grandparents and their image will assist you in making the correct decision.
The Rebono Shel Olam guides us everyday and we hope that you continue to emulate those Torah values that we hold so dear and that you will be happy and satisfied with your achievements.
In a time when we feel unmoored in a very unstable world, thinking through our core values and transcendent life messages can anchor us and provide the grounding we need. Taking the time to write messages to future generations will not only prove vital in years to come, but exceptionally valuable today.