Resources for Kesubos daf 53
1. The גמרא brings a story where אבא סוראה felt pressured into giving all his property as a dowery to his daughter. When he found out that he had made a mistake and that יהודה בר מרימר was not trying to pressure him at all, he asked if he could renege on his commitment to the large dowery. יהודה בר מרימר said he could not as he should not make himself into a “הדרנא”. Theהפלאה asks the following critical question: תוספות in ד"ה השתא points out that no קנין had been made. If so, this גמרא would seem to be a direct contradiction to the גמרא in בבא מציעא דף נ"א that says if a person says they will give someone something small (מתנה מעוטת) and then reneges on that commitment they are considered a “מחוסר אמנה” but if they say they will give someone something large (מתנה מרובה) then they are not considered a מחוסר אמנה if they renege and have done nothing wrong. If so, why would אבא סוראה be considered a “הדרנא”? He promised every dime he owns! He answers that it all depends on the situation. In a normal case like the one in בבא מציעא, the person who was promised a large amount is not really סומך דעת. However, in the case of wedding negotiations, when someone says they are paying a certain amount the other side usually is סומך דעת since it is normal to give your daughter a nice dowery. (Whether there is any difference between a מחוסר אמנה and a הדרנא is unclear to me.)
2. The גמרא brings as part of the discussion above that one is not allowed to give over ירושה from one son to another son that isn’t supposed to receive it, even if it is from a bad son to a good son. The רא"ם in פּרשת חיי שרה פּרק כ"ד פּסוק י asks an interesting question: it says that אברהם אבינו gave everything of his to his son יצחק so that people should want to marry him. How was he allowed to do that? It means that ישמעאל won’t ירשן anything? Isn’t that what our גמרא says one cannot do even if one son is bad and one good? He answers that the פּסוק says כי ביצחק יקרא לך זרע so only יצחק was considered his real יורש. The גור אריה asks the exact opposite! How was אברהם אבינו allowed to give the שמות טומאה to the בני קטורה when it says that only יצחק was his יורש! He answers that שמות הטומאה don’t count as anything. The לבוש האורה there says a more fundamental יסוד: first, he says the whole דין of עבורי אחסנתא only applies to קרקע. Second, the דין only applies to things that happen after death like ירושה. However, while a person is alive they can give a present to anyone they like. Therefore, אברהם אבינו could give whatever he wanted to. The מהר"ש יפה to מדרש רבה לך לך also says there is no איסור if the gift is given while the person is alive. He is based on the מדרש there that when רב אלעזר בן הוקנוס’s father saw what a תלמיד חכם his son became he gave him all his money and חז"ל don’t criticize him for it.
3. The גמרא discusses whether when a wife is מוחל her כתובה if it means that the כתובת בנין דיכרין is בטל as well. רבא paskens that it does annul the כתובת בנין דיכרין. The ריטב"א asks how can the mother annul her children’s זכות ? The תוספות רי"ד says that we learn a new הלכה from here: if ראובן is מחייב himself to שמעון that he will pay his friend לוי $100 and then שמעון later on is מוחל, לוי loses the money. We see from here that the תוספות רי"ד understood that the way כתובת בנין דיכרין works is that the husband is מחייב himself to the woman to pay her children.
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