Adoption: Yichud & Affectionate Contact

Although from an emotional, spiritual, and legal perspective an adopted child is equal to a biological child,[1] this may not be true for all halachic purposes. There are divergent views amongst halachic authorities as to whether or not the laws of yichud, the prohibition to be in seclusion with a member of the opposite sex, are applicable to a parent and an adopted child. For these and other considerations, a child should be told of their adopted status at an early age.[2]

There are a number of contemporary authorities, including Rabbi Eliezer Waldenberg, who rule leniently on this issue. For the most part, these authorities permit parents to enjoy a relationship with adopted children just like parents enjoy with biological ones.[3] They argue that when a child is adopted at a young age the relationship that develops between the child and the parent is emotionally and physically identical as if it were a biological child.

According to this view, there is no concern that any illicit thoughts or relations will ever take place. It is believed that one does not develop the urge to act inappropriately with adopted children.[4] It is noted, however, that this leniency applies specifically to children who were adopted while infants, though some authorities extend this leniency to include early childhood, as well. One who adopts an older child is required to observe all the laws of yichud and the restrictions of physical contact, according to all opinions.[5]

Among his reasons for ruling leniently, Rabbi Waldenberg notes that the issue of Yichud with adopted children can be compared to the issue of yichud between a husband and his wife while the latter is a Nidda. Even though sexual relations are forbidden during a woman's Nidda status, there is no prohibition for the husband and wife to be secluded together during this time as we are not concerned that sexual relations will take place. It is assumed that a husband and wife are so familiar with each other that they will not be tempted to sin during the period of Nidda when relations are forbidden. Similarly, parents are not sexually disposed to their adopted children and there is no reason to fear that any sexual impropriety will take place. Rabbi Waldenberg also asserts that a lifestyle which requires observance of the laws of Yichud between parents and children is unreasonable and something which most people simply cannot adhere to. 

Rabbi Moshe Feinstein is also among those who rule leniently on the issue of Yichud and adopted children, however his reasoning for doing so is especially unique and innovative.[6] He insists that no adoptive father would commit any sexual impropriety with an adopted daughter, for fear of being caught by his wife. Rabbi Feinstein is essentially assuming that in addition to the purity of the relationship between a parent and an adopted child, there is an inherent intimidation against doing something unbecoming, whether or not the parent would even desire to do so. This leniency, however, logically only applies when the adoptive parents are living together in a harmonious marriage.

Rabbi Feinstein also notes that the Talmud forbids adopted siblings to marry each other because it appears as if biological siblings are marrying, which is, of course, forbidden. Rabbi Feinstein derives from this that had the Talmud been discussing a situation where parents and the adopted children had been living their entire life in a manner that avoided yichud, it would have been obvious to onlookers that they were indeed adopted and therefore possibly permitted to marry. Rabbi Feinstein infers from here that there is Talmudic sanction for adoptive parents to treat their adopted children just like biological ones, and are even permitted to hug and kiss them. Although Rabbi Feinstein allows Yichud and physical contact, other authorities rule that hugging and kissing is only allowed until the age of five or six.[7]

The Lubavitcher Rebbe, however, opposed any halachic leniencies between parents and their adopted children, ruling that the relationship must be treated like any other social, non-biological, relationship. He argues that there is no Talmudic basis to permit yichud in a situation of adoption.[8] A number of contemporary authorities have agreed with him.[9] The Rebbe writes that one who feels that he will be unable to comply with the laws of yichud should not adopt children.[10] According to this approach, a father may not be left alone with an adopted daughter over the age of three, and a mother with an adopted son over the age of nine. It is worth noting that the Rebbe, who was childless, did not adopt any children and it is suggested that this was his manner of silently demonstrating his opposition to the practice.

[1] Sanhedrin 19b; Chochmat Shlomo, EH 1:1.

[2] Teshuvot V’hanhagot 2:674; Igrot Moshe, EH 4:64.

[3] Tzitz Eliezer 6:40-21, 7:44, 45

[4] Sanhedrin 64a, Rashi.

[5] Tzitz Eliezer 6:40-21; 7:44, 45.

[6] Igrot Moshe, EH 4:64:2.

[7] Nishmat Avraham vol. 5, pg. 135.

[8] Shaarei Halacha U'minhag Vol. 5 p. 262; Shaarei Halacha U'minhag, Even Ha'ezer 11; Otzar Haposkim 9:130.

[9] Shevet Halevi 6:196.

[10] Igrot Kodesh, Vol.23 p. 24, Igrot Kodesh, Vol.24, p. 130.