Shiva

The shiva is the seven-day period of intense mourning observed upon the passing of any of one's seven closest relatives.[1] The source for observing shiva derives from Avraham Avinu who did so himself upon the passing of his wife, Sara Imeinu.[2] Similarly, Yosef mourned for his father, Yaakov Avinu, for seven days.[3] We are told that in the days of Noach, God deliberately arranged matters so that the shiva being observed for the death of Metushelach would be completed before unleashing the great flood which wiped out the world.[4] It is taught that the seven joyous days of Pesach and Sukkot are intended to mirror the seven miserable days of the shiva.[5] Following the shiva there is an additional lesser form of mourning, known as the "shloshim", which continues for the duration of a month, which is also based on Torah sources.[6]

A seven-day memorial candle should be lit in the home where the shiva is being observed and some authorities also recommend doing so in the actual room where the death took place, if possible. In the event that the shiva is taking place in a different location than the home of the deceased, a memorial candle should be lit in both places.[7] The memorial candle is to remain burning throughout Shabbat even though no formal shiva practices are observed.[8] It is permissible to ask a non-Jew to light a memorial candle which one forgot to light before Shabbat or which blew out.[9]

The tachanun prayers are not recited in the home of a mourner.[10] In most shiva houses the birkat kohanim is omitted and Hallel is generally not recited, either. In the event that Rosh Chodesh falls out during the week of shiva, it is customary in many communities for those who are not in mourning to go to another room in the shiva house in order to recite the Hallel there. In other communities this procedure is reversed and it is the mourner who leaves the room in order to allow the others to recite the Hallel where the services take place.[11] Although some have the custom to omit the "titkabel" passage from the final kaddish recited at the end of services in a shiva house, it is reported that Rabbi Moshe Feinstein was very against this practice and insisted that the final kaddish be recited in its entirety as normal.[12] There are a number of special chapters of Tehillim which are added to the prayers in a shiva house.

A minyan should be gathered to recite the daily prayers in the home of the deceased, even if for whatever reason, there are is no one sitting shiva there.[13] One begins to observe shiva immediately for a person who was cremated or otherwise reduced to ashes, and there is no need to wait for the ashes to be buried.[14] One who cannot personally go to a shiva house to visit mourners should at least phone them to offer condolences.[15] A child under bar or bat mitzva has no obligation to sit shiva.[16]

A mourner is permitted to clean his home during shiva to ensure that it is tidy and presentable in honor of those who come to visit.[17] One who has a number of relatives that died at once still only observes one week of shiva. Furthermore, if a close relative dies on the third day of sitting shiva for a different relative, the total shiva observed for the two relatives will be nine days, and so on. When one serves bread to a mourner in a shiva house it is placed directly into his hand.[18] It is customary in many communities that only the mourners and those directly involved with assisting them eat in the shiva house. All others should avoid partaking in any food which is served.[19]

One of the more familiar customs of a shiva house is that of covering all the mirrors. There is a popular misconception that the reason for this is in order that the mourner will remember that it is not a time to be preoccupied with grooming and vanity. However this is not the true or even primary reason for doing so. The original explanation for the custom of covering the mirrors is due to the prohibition to pray in front of any image, including one's own. This is due to the concern that praying, and more significantly bowing, in front of a mirror could lead onlookers to believe that one is bowing down to oneself.[20] As such, since the shiva house is essentially designated as a place of prayer for the duration of the shiva week, all mirrors are covered in case that due to space limitations and the like, someone might be positioned facing a mirror during services.  Even praying in front of a window at night where one's reflection could be seen is problematic and should be avoided.[21] The problem with praying opposite a mirror applies primarily with regards to the shemoneh esrei. One may be lenient when reciting other parts of the prayer service when needed.[22] It is forbidden to pray while facing a mirror even if one's eyes are closed[23] though some authorities permit this in extenuating circumstances.[24]

It is interesting to note that the arrival of a Yom Tov cancels out the shiva and related observances. If someone died and shiva was observed for that person for even just a few moments before the arrival of Yom Tov,[25] there is no resumption of the shiva after the Yom Tov ends.[26] In most such situations the mourners simply move on to the shloshim phase of the mourning.[27] In the event that someone passes away on a Yom Tov itself, the shiva is postponed and observed at the conclusion of the Yom Tov.[28]

[1] Father, mother, son, daughter, brother, sister, or spouse

[2] Bereishit 23:2.

[3] Bereishit 50:10.

[4] Bereishit 7:4; Sanhedrin 108b; Bereishit Rabba 32:10.

[5] Moed Katan 20a.

[6] Devarim 34:8.

[7] Gesher Hachaim 20:1.

[8] Gesher Hachaim 20:2.

[9] Mishna Berura 548:3.

[10] OC 131:4.

[11] Yabia Omer, YD 4:32.

[12] See also: Yabia Omer, YD 4:32:6.

[13] Shabbat 152b.

[14] Chelkat Yaakov 1:32; Igrot Moshe, YD 3:147, 4:56. Regarding procedures for those who were cremated see: Seridei Aish 2:123-124; Melamed L'hoil 2:113-114; Gesher Hachaim 1:16:9.

[15] Igrot Moshe, YD 4:40.

[16] YD 396:3; Chochmat Adam 152:17; Magen Avraham 551:38.

[17] YD 380:22.

[18] OC 167:18.

[19] Rivevot Ephraim 8:604:3.

[20] Radbaz 4:106; Be'er Heitev, OC 90:23; Mishna Berura 90:71; Aruch Hashulchan, OC 90:21.

[21] Ishei Yisrael 9:25.

[22] Shevet Hakehati 6:82.

[23] Mishna Berura 90:71.

[24] Shulchan Aruch Harav, OC 90:22. See also Or L'tzion 2:6:11 and Shevet Halevi 9:21:1.

[25] Mishna Berura 548:26.

[26] OC 548:7.

[27] OC 548:12.

[28] OC 548:1.