Estrangement Explored
Adapted by Channie Koplowitz Stein
Yaakov Avinu Avinu has died. The brothers, as per Yaakov Avinu's final wish, have buried him in Meorat Hamachpelah, in the Land Hashem had promised them. Upon their return to Egypt, the brothers "perceived" that with their father's death, Yosef Hatzadik might now take revenge upon them for selling him into slavery so many years ago. They therefore invent a command from their father that Yosef Hatzadik forgive them for their sin. While Yosef Hatzadik bore the brothers no ill will, attributing all to Hashem's plan for their benefit, the question remains: What happened on the return trip to Egypt that caused the brothers such trepidation?
Rabbi S. R. Hirsch provides the simplest of answers. Parents are often the glue that binds siblings together. Now that Yaakov Avinu their father was gone, the brothers worried that old hurts would re-emerge and destroy the bond in the family that had been maintained while Yaakov Avinu was alive.
The medrash, adds depth to Rav Hirsch's explanation. While Yaakov Avinu was alive, Yosef Hatzadik had the entire family eat dinner at his table every evening. At his father's bidding, Yosef, being the "king" of Egypt, would sit at the head of the table. However, now that Yaakov Avinu had died, Yosef Hatzadik was concerned with the honor his brothers represented. Should Yehudah who was destined to be the royal house of Bnei Yisroel be seated at the head of the table, or should the firstborn Reuven sit at the head? But Yaakov Avinu, in his blessings, had removed the rights of the firstborn from Reuven and bestowed a double portion, double tribes, to Yosef, making each of Yosef's sons an individual tribe. Finally, as the current leader and de facto king, should he himself continue to sit at the head of the table? To avoid such conflict, to prevent anyone from feeling slighted, Yosef Hatzadik stopped inviting the brothers to eat with him, explains Rabbi Weinberger in Shemen Hatov. But the brothers, viewing this through their prism of guilt, thought Yosef Hatzadik had stopped inviting them because the feelings of revenge he may have suppressed during their father's life were now emerging.
Citing the Mei Hashiloach, Mipi Seforim Vesofrim notes that this was the turning point of the exile. As long as Yaakov Avinu was alive. the brothers sensed family unity. Yaakov Avinu would favor one son over the other based on immediate circumstances. Now any distinction would appear as favoritism. Seeking to avoid conflict, Yosef Hatzadik stopped inviting his brothers. His brothers jumped to conclusions. Failing to give Yosef Hatzadik the benefit of the doubt, they attributed negative motives to him. On Yosef's part, he should have continued to dine with the brothers, sit at the head of the table as was his position at the moment, but know in his heart that in the future, kingship would belong to Yehudah. It is this disunity among Bnei Yisroel that precipitates exile. As a constant lesson to us, we should continuously pray that we not fall into the trap of judging others unfavorably and that others also give us the benefit of the doubt and not judge us unfavorably. As Tiv Hatorah, Rabbi Rabinowitz, teaches. if these great men could fail in this regard, how much more careful must we be to find ways to judge others favorably.
How can we help ourselves overcome the tendency to judge others unfavorably? Rabbi Zvi Meir Silverberg urges us first of all to pray on it. But Rabbi Silverberg points out that chances are that we ourselves have the same fault, and because we are familiar with it, we recognize it and project it onto another. If I improve myself, he too would improve or at least seem less faulty. But even if the other truly has a negative characteristic, aren't we all, including myself, imperfect? We all must work on ourselves, and we would hope that others judge us as total human beings, with our positive attributes that generally outweigh our negative traits. We should focus on the positive in others as well, rather than on the negative. [A professor experimented with his class: He gave each student a sheet of white paper with a black dot on it. When asked what they saw, all the students said they saw a black dot. No one said they saw white paper. Let us focus on the "white paper"of the person. CKS]
Rabbi Asher Weiss observes that the story of Yosef Hatzadik is related in great detail, in contrast to the lives of our Patriarchs. The lesson here, suggests Rabbi Weiss, is that senseless bickering is the cause for our troubles. It began with the sale of Yosef, leading to our enslavement in Egypt, and millennia later to the excuse for the Romans' execution of the ten martyrs. The strife among Jews continues to this day, but we can bring redemption by eliminating this strife.
Rabbi Gifter provides a different reason for Yosef's no longer inviting his brothers to his table. Rabbi Gifter writes that the brothers had been secluded from Egyptian society in their own enclave in Goshen, As long as Yaakov Avinu was alive, Yosef Hatzadik invited them to venture out through Egyptian society to join him in the heart of Egypt. Yaakov Avinu's spiritual presence would protect them from the influences of the depraved Egyptian culture. With the death of Yaakov Avinu, Yosef Hatzadik was afraid of exposing his brothers to Egyptian culture. Yosef Hatzadik himself had already lived among the Egyptians with his father's spirit albeit without his father's presence. By not inviting the brothers to his home, the brothers would remain spiritually safe in Goshen. Thus the brothers perceived their father's death more acutely.
On a similar note, Rabbi Salomon notes based on the Ramabam that people tend to be influenced by their environment, by their friends, or by both. If one lives in a negative environment, one can still maintain his spiritual distance if he has friends who maintain a positive influence over him. If we as Jews fail to maintain distinct lines of separation between ourselves and the surrounding culture, society will impose those separations, invariably negative, between us and them. Hashem designed the world with separation, between light and dark, holy and secular, and between the Jewish people and the other nations. Our challenge is to enjoy the blessings of the world while still maintaining that separation.
While the Torah records how Bnei Yisroel took Yaakov Avinu's coffin through Goren Ha'atad to be buried in Chevron, it does not record how they returned to Mitzrayim. Rabbi Kofman in Mishchat Shemen fills in the gap, and provides an additional way of understanding the brothers' anxiety. The medrash says that the family took a circuitous route back to Egypt, as one traditionally leaves a cemetery through a different gate than the one through which one entered. They went through Shechem where Yosef Hatzadik had been thrown into the pit before being sold into slavery. Yosef Hatzadik wanted to peer into that pit. As Oznaim Latorah states, Yosef's motivation was for the sake of Heaven, for he wanted to bless Hashem at the place Hashem had performed the miracle of saving him from the bites of the snakes and scorpions in the pit. But the brothers misconstrued Yosef's motivation and were afraid he was reliving his trauma and planning to take revenge.
Yosef Hatzadik knew he would never return to this place again, writes Vayovinu Bamikra, and so he needed to take this opportunity to bless Hashem for the miracle of his salvation. But he also wanted to involve his brothers in their teshuvah process. They had been doing teshuvah. They honored him by putting him at the head of the procession, his name is first. And Yosef Hatzadikwill continue to be involved in his brothers' teshuvah even after his death.
Before his death, Yosef Hatzadik assures his brothers that Hashem will indeed remember them and return them to the Land He had promised them. Then he makes his brothers swear to take his bones with them and bury him in Eretz Yisroel. In Zos Hatorah, Rabbi Schlesinger asks an interesting question. Why does Yosef Hatzadik make this request of his brothers instead of his own sons? The answer, says Rabbi Schlesinger, quoting the Ba’al Haturim, is that it was the brothers who took him out of Shechem, and it is their responsibility to return him there, as part of their teshuvah process. As Rabbi Soloveitchick notes, it was Moshe, a descendant of Levi, one of the instigators of the sale, who busied himself with finding Yosef's coffin and bringing it with them upon their redemption.
Yosef Hatzadik recited the brachah thanking Hashem for the open miracle of his salvation. While we may interpret Yosef's rise to power as miraculous, that rise came about through natural business or political channels [much like the hidden miracle of Purim CKS]. Yosef's surviving the pit was a supernatural miracle that required a brachah, writes Rabbi Parness in Lev Tahor. But when the brothers saw the intensity of Yosef's emotion at reciting the brachah, they were filled with anxiety over Yosef's possible revenge, writes Letitcha Elyon, citing Rabbi Shmulevits.
What a lesson this is for us, writes Rabbi Segal of Manchester. If after thirty-nine years Yosef Hatzadik was still filled with such gratitude and could recite the brachah with such intensity, how grateful should we be that Hashem awakens us every morning and fills our lives with all our needs. Rabbi Pincus points out that we do not actually feel close to Hashem when we recite the blessings, or when we thank Hashem for fully fifteen different things in the fourth blessing of Grace After Meals, for example. We tend to recite the blessings by rote, like a child, not incorporating within ourselves the full sense of gratitude as Yosef Hatzadik felt a full thirty-nine years after the fact.
It was not just to thank Hashem for the salvation in his past, writes Rabbi Michel Twerski in Yiram Hayam, but to draw strength for the present that Yosef Hatzadik wanted to stop at the pit. In that darkest time, Yosef Hatzadik felt Hashem with him, supporting him. Yosef Hatzadik drew on that feeling his entire life in Egypt, and now, with the death of his father, Yosef Hatzadik wanted a booster shot of that same support. Looking into the pit reinforced the belief that Hashem was always with him, and that all He does is for the good, even through the negative things in life. From the darkness comes the greatest light, writes Rabbi Meislish in Sichot Ba'avodat Hashem. If a Jew says that whatever Hashem does is for the good, Hashem responds with more good. That is what we mean when we recite, "Hashem Elokheinu Hashem Echad." And we cover our eyes with our right hand, the hand that represent chesed, loving kindness. Yosef Hatzadikwas drawing inspiration and strength by remembering Hashem's chesed to him. His brothers, on the other hand, interpreted this as being about them, not about Yosef.
The brothers thought that Yosef Hatzadik stayed on the correct path all these years because their father was alive. But Yosef Hatzadik had kept his father's image before him even when his father was so far away. Yosef Hatzadik would continue to imagine the image of his father before him, writes Rabbi Birnbaum, even after his father's death. Yosef Hatzadik would always honor the values of his father and live his life according to those values.
We too must always remember the Jewish values instilled in us by our forefathers, by our parents, by our Jewish schools. When we live with that image before us, we will not be seduced by the alien values of the culture that surrounds us. May the time come soon when Hashem will surely remember us and bring us back safely to our land. Until then, let us remember that Hashem is always with us in the pleasant, joyful times, and especially in the challenging, dark times of our personal and national lives.