Kesubos - Daf 4
- A marriage can be on Monday if the father of the chosson or mother of the kallah die
A Baraisa on Daf 3b taught that if there is some אונס, then it is permitted to marry on Monday. The Gemara explained that one example of such a circumstance would be a general coming to town with his army and staying, and Rashi explains that he will take whatever has been prepared for the seudah. Another case is where one had prepared for the seudah ומת אביו של חתן או אמה של כלה – and the father of the chosson or the mother of the kallah died. We do not delay the wedding after the burial and period of aveilus. Rather, a Baraisa outlines the following procedure: We bring the corpse into a room, and the chosson and kallah go to the chuppah, ובועל בעילת מצוה ופורש – the chosson does the mitzvah of biah, and then separates from the kallah. The deceased is buried, and they are noheig שבעת ימי המשתה – the seven days of celebration, and only afterwards they observe shivah. During those fourteen days, the chosson sleeps among men, and the kallah sleeps among women, and she continues to wear her adornments the entire thirty days. The Gemara explains that this is specifically if the father of the chosson or the mother of the kallah die, דליכא איניש דטרח להו – for there will be no one to help prepare them. The father takes care of the preparations for the seudah, and the mother helps with the adornments. If the mother of the chosson, or father of the kallah die, they are buried immediately.
- לא שנו אלא שנתן מים על גבי בשר
Rafram bar Pappa said in the name of Rav Chisda: לא שנו אלא שנתן מים על גבי בשר – we were only taught that the burial is postponed and the wedding proceeds, if the water was already placed on the meat to prepare it for cooking. Rashi explains that at that point, it is no longer fit to be sold in the market. But if water has not been placed on the meat, then the burial and aveilus begin immediately and the chasunah is postponed. Rava said ובכרך - that in a big city, where there is demand for meat, it can be sold. Therefore, the burial is not delayed. Rav Pappa said ובכפר – and in a small village, even if water was not put on the meat, it cannot be sold easily, since it is a lot of meat and there are not many buyers. Therefore, the wedding should not be postponed. The Gemara asks, then when does Rav Chisda’s distinction of water placed on the meat apply, and Rav Ashi said, כגון מתא מחסיא – for example in a place like Masa Mechasya, which Rashi explains is bigger than a small village, but smaller than a large city.
- Question if people treat aveilus more lightly than the issur niddah?
The Baraisa regarding the chosson or kallah in mourning taught that just as he sleeps among the men and she among the women, similarly, if one’s wife became a niddah and he had not had relations with her, he sleeps among the men and his wife sleeps among the woman. Rashi explains that the halachah regarding the niddah is only where they had never had relations. The Gemara asks, למימרא דאבילות קילא ליה מנדה – does this mean that a restriction to aveilus is treated more lightly by a person than a prohibition due to niddah, since we would trust him in the case of niddah but not in aveilus? But Rebbe Yitzchak bar Chanina taught that a niddah may not mix her husband’s wine, make his bed, nor wash his face, hands, and feet, and a Baraisa taught that in a case of a wife mourning, she may do so. This implies that people are careful and are trusted about aveilus more than niddah? The Gemara answers that everyone agrees that people treat aveilus more lightly than the issur niddah. In the first Baraisa we are dealing with his aveilus, where we must be concerned that seclusion will lead to relations. In the latter Baraisa, we are dealing with her aveilus, where there is no need for concern since she will prevent him from having relations.
