Onenut and Tearing Kri'a

Who Must Mourn: Seven Categories

There are seven categories of relatives for whom mourning is required: father; mother; spouse; son; daughter; brother; sister.

Before Burial/Onen

From the time of death until burial, the seven relatives are called onen (onenim). One is only an onen if he or she will participate in the funeral or make decisions related to the funeral. This could be even if you will be involved only in deciding who will speak at the hesped. If someone is completely uninvolved in the funeral arrangements, one is an aveil.

No Onenut on Shabbat and Jewish Festivals

One is not an onen whenever a body may not be buried, such as on Shabbat and Jewish festivals, and so there is no onenut on Shabbat or Jewish festivals. An onen says blessings and does mitzvot on those days.

After Burial/Avel

After burial, any of the seven close relatives are called avel (aveilim).

Mourning: How Long To Mourn

Parents or Others

Mourning for parents lasts one year. Mourning for others lasts only 30 days.

How To Mourn

Onen Restrictions

An onen is prohibited from doing positive mitzvot so as not to be distracted from taking care of the dead body.

An onen may not:

• Do any positive commandment (no blessings, prayers, shema…).
• Eat meat or drink wine (until after the burial).
• Work or operate a business.

Note: Before the relative dies, if possible, the onen should sell his business for whatever days he or she will be an onen and in shiv'a. Otherwise, the owner may have to close the business until shiv'a is over.

Note: If there will be a large financial loss, consult a rabbi.  A large loss is subjective to the individual's actual wealth and also to that person's perception of what is a large loss. Consult a rabbi for how much constitutes a large loss.

Onen Traveling with Body

An onen who accompanies a body to a foreign country for burial may have two extra days (or more) of onenut. If the onen then returns home and joins other mourners in the shiv'a house, the onen may end shiv'a with the other family members.

Saying Kaddish

Some communities have the custom of an onen's saying kaddish.

Note: When a person's parent dies on or just before (erev) Shabbat or a Jewish festival, a daughter of any age should not be told until after Shabbat or the festival is over. A son should only be told if he is 6 years old and above and the custom in that community is to say kaddish as an onen.

Kri'a: Tearing the Clothes

Who Tears

Children and Kri'a

When a parent has died, the children must tear “kr'ia,” that is, tearing any garments that they wear during shiv'a.

Women and Kri'a

Women do kri'a. To avoid exposing her body when tearing, a woman may wait until she is in a private place.  After tearing, she might need to pin the torn area closed for tzni'ut (modest attire).

What To Tear for Kri'a

When tearing kri'a, do not tear underwear, a coat or sweater worn for warmth, or talit katan. To avoid ruining good or expensive clothing, you may change to other clothes before doing kri'a.

You may tear the same garment more than once if you need to do kriya for more than one dead person or for seeing the Temple mount more than once (in more than 30 days).

When To Tear

Tear at News or Funeral Home

Do the tearing/kri'a when you hear the news of a death. If not, tear at the funeral home before the funeral.

How To Tear Kri'a

If you are in mourning for a parent, whether you are a man or woman, tear a vertical tear 4 inches (10.2 cm) long on your outermost garments (shirt and jacket, if you wear one) at the neck on the left side. The bulk of the tear must be made by hand, not with scissors or a knife, although you may start the tear with a sharp implement.

How Often To Tear

For a Parent

When mourning for a parent, you must tear kri'a throughout the shiv'a week whenever you change shirts, so it is best to change garments as little as possible! You must wear the torn garment during the entire week of shiv'a. Coats do not require kri'a.

Note: Wearing a torn black ribbon pinned to a garment does not fulfill the requirement of kri'a.

For Non-Parents

When mourning for any of the five categories of people other than parents (spouse; son; daughter; brother; sister), tear only one time and only the outermost garment (but not coats) and tear on the right side.

 

Copyright 2015 Richard B. Aiken. Halacha L’Maaseh appears courtesy of www.practicalhalacha.com Visit their web site for more information.

This material is provided for informational purposes only – not a substitute for the consultation of a competent rabbi.