Waking up

Upon arising, an onen may say Modeh Ani.193 He should wash Netilas Yadyim without reciting a berachah. He should also wash each time he uses the bathroom, but he does not say Asher Yatzar.194

The onen may put on his tallis katan. The reason for this is that since the tallis katan is a regular part of his wardrobe, we do not see putting it on as an act of a mitzvah. He may even explicitly intend to fulfill the mitzvah of tzitzis. This is because once the act of putting on the tzitzis is permitted, the added intent is merely fulfillment of a mitzvah in one’s thoughts. The restriction upon performing mitzvos does not extend to thoughts, since involvement in thoughts does not demonstrate disrespect for the deceased.195

Tefillos

An onen is exempt from all tefillos and may not be counted towards a minyan.196

The Acharonim197 disagree as to whether a person who is informed of a relative’s passing while he is davening must stop his tefillah, or may complete it. In practice, we follow the opinion which maintains that he should stop his tefillah.198 This applies even to a chazzan who is told that he is an onen in middle of Chazaras Hashatz.199

A person who has not yet davened should be informed of the death of his relative only after he davens, so that he does not forfeit the tefillah – unless he is needed before that for the burial preparations.200 However, if one is aware that his relative is close to death, it is his responsibility to inquire before he davens so as to know if he should still be davening (or doing other mitzvos). In such a case, he should be informed of the relative’s death.201

Mealtime

An onen should not recite any berachos.202 Before eating bread, the onen should wash his hands, but should not recite Al Netilas Yadayim.203

An onen may not eat meat or drink wine.204 He is permitted to eat food cooked with meat as long as he does not eat the meat.205 He need not limit his food consumption, yet he should refrain from indulging in delicacies.206

At the conclusion of the meal, he should wash mayim acharonim.207 He does not bentch and cannot be counted towards a zimun.208

Mitzvos and berachos throughout the day

1. It is permitted for an onen to give tzedakah, do acts of kindness and to perform the mitzvah of kibbud av va’eim.209
2. A person who is an onen for his parent may go to shul to say Kaddish for the sake of his parent, if he is not needed to tend to the burial needs.210
3. Some Poskim do not permit an onen to say Tehillim.211 Others say that if he is saying it as a merit for the protection of the soul of the deceased, it is permitted.212 At the funeral, the onen may participate in the customary recital of Yosheiv Beseiser for the benefit of the deceased..213
4. Some Poskim say that an onen who is traveling should recite Tefillas Haderech.214 Others maintain that it should not be said.215 If the onen is accompanied by another person, he should have his companion recite Tefillas Haderech on his behalf as well.216
5. A person whose deceased relative bequeathed him a large inheritance should recite Shehecheyanu.217 Some Poskim say that it should be said immediately after reciting Dayan Ha’emes, even though he is an onen at the time.218 It should be said privately.219 Others say that it should only be said after the burial.220
6. Ordinarily, a person who sees a Jewish cemetery recites the berachah of אֲשֶׁר יָצַר אֶתְכֶם בְּדִּין.221 However, when the onen enters the cemetery, he should not recite this berachah.222 Some Poskim say that the berachah should be said after the burial.223 Others hold that he should not recite it even after the burial.224 This is because he has just seen the graves before the burial, such that it is less than thirty days since he has last seen graves.225
7. One who is an onen at night, with the burial taking place the next day, should recite Kerias Shema al Hamitah with the berachah of Hamapil. This is because one is not considered to be involved in burial preparations at the time that he is settling down to sleep.226
8. If it is the last possible night to say Kiddush Levanah and there are other people tending to the burial needs, an onen may say Kiddush Levanah.227

193 Modeh Ani is not a mitzvah or berachah. It is merely an expression of thanking Hashem.

194 Aruch Hashulchan, Yoreh Deah 341:10.

195 Minchas Shlomo 91:25:3.

196 Mishnah Berurah 55:24. If the onen says Kaddish at the funeral, he can be counted toward the minyan (Gesher Hachaim 18:2:3).

197 Cited in Mishnah Berurah 71:11.

198 While Mishnah Berurah does not give a clear ruling on this dispute, Chazon Ish (Orach Chaim 15:1) seems to agree with this opinion. See also Teshuvos R’ Chaim Kanievsky, Ishei Yisrael 60. Gesher Hachaim (18:2:6), however, rules according to the other opinion.

199 R’ Chaim Kanievsky ibid.

200 Chamudei Daniel, cited in Pischei Teshuvah 341:8. In a similar vein, Chayei Adam (32:9) rules that if a Kohen whose relative has died is in middle of duchening, it is not necessary to inform him of his relative’s death until he finishes.

201 Halichos Shlomo, Tefillah 18:1, Devar Halachah 2.

202 Mishnah Berurah 199:10.

203 Mishnah Berurah 71:4. See, however, Sha’ar Hatziyun 640:48 who cites Bikkurei Ya’akov who holds that he should not wash his hands. This was also the practical ruling of Rav Y. S. Eliyashiv (Tziyunei Halachah 4, p. 30).

204 Shulchan Aruch, Yoreh Deah 341:1. Other alcoholic beverages may be consumed in small quantities (Aruch Hashulchan 341:9).

205 Aruch Hashulchan ibid.

206 Aruch Hashulchan ibid., 8-9.

207 Chamudei Daniel cited in Pischei Teshuvah 341:4; Kaf Hachaim 71:10.

208 Shulchan Aruch, Orach Chaim 199:5.

209 R’ Yosef Shalom Elyashiv cited in Tziyunei Halachah, p. 31. Minchas Shlomo (91:25:4) is unsure whether an onen may give tzedakah. He concedes, though, that if the tzedakah is being given as an elevation for the soul of the deceased it is permitted.

210 Mishnah Berurah 71:7.

211 Aruch Hashulchan, Yoreh Deah 341:10.

212 Tzitz Eliezer, vol. 5, Ramas Rachel 46:2. See also Tziyunei Halachah citing R’ Yosef Shalom Elyashiv, p. 34, who seems to permit reciting Tehillim in all cases.

213 Halichos Shlomo, Tefillah 18, Devar Halachah 4.

214 Kol Bo, cited in Shemiras Shabbos Kehilchasah 64, note 75.

215 Tefillas Haderech Vehilchosehah 10.

216 See Shemiras Shabbos Kehilchasah ibid.

217 Shulchan Aruch, Orach Chaim 223:2. If the inheritance is shared with others, the heirs recite the berachah of Hatov Vehameitiv.

218 Chochmas Adam 151:18; Halichos Shlomo, Tefillah 23, Devar Halachah 33. He does add that most people do not recite this berachah.

219 Halichos Shlomo ibid.

220 Gesher Hachaim 18:2:3.

221 Shulchan Aruch, Orach Chaim 224:12, with Mishnah Berurah 16. This berachah is only said if one had not seen graves in the past thirty days.

222 Eishel Avraham (Buczacz) 224:2, s.v. Onein.

223 Chut Shani, Yom Tov, p. 353. See also Shemiras Shabbos Kehilchasah 64, note 74.

224 Eishel Avraham Ibid.

225 The first opinion maintains that since it is all within the same visit, he may recite the berachah now.

226 Minchas Shlomo 91:25:9.

227 Sefer Hachaim cited in Da’as Torah 71:1.