A person who has lost an immediate relative – father, mother, brother, sister, son, daughter or spouse167– is referred to as an onen, and is exempt from Kerias Shema, tefillah, berachos168 and all other mitzvos.169

Talmud Yerushalmi170 explains that he is not only exempt from these mitzvos, he is actually forbidden to perform them. There are two reasons for this halachah. 1) It is incumbent upon the relative of the deceased to be involved in his burial. This obligation supersedes involving oneself in other mitzvos.

2) If the relatives of the deceased disregard his burial needs and involve themselves in other matters, it demonstrates disrespect for the deceased.

The practical difference between these reasons is in a case where there is someone else available to tend to the burial. If the reason mitzvos are not allowed is because of the need to be involved in the burial, then when there is someone else to tend to the task, the relative is free to fulfill mitzvos. If, however, the problem is that the relative’s involvement in other matters is considered a disrespect toward the deceased, disengaging oneself from the burial and delegating it to other people still demonstrates a disregard for the deceased relative.171

The primary halachah accords with the second reason. Accordingly, a relative may not perform mitzvos even if someone else is tending to the burial. Now, Shulchan Aruch172 does say that we would not censure those who rely on the first reason. Yet, the accepted custom is that an onen does not do mitzvos regardless of whether or not he will be involved in the burial.173

Even in situations where, practically, the relative is not responsible for the burial, and in fact even if he is in a different city, he will still be exempt from mitzvos. For example, if one’s married sister passed away and her husband or children will be tending to her burial needs, the brother will still have the halachos of an onen.174 The reason for this is that Chazal did not wish to differentiate between those relatives who are responsible for the burial and those who are not.175

If there is a delay in the burial – for example, due to government regulations – the status of the relatives in the interim will depend: In a case of a slight delay (such as a workers’ strike), the relatives will still be onenim.176 If the delay is prolonged, then if the relatives are still involved in the burial process – e.g., they are making efforts to release the body, or are still involved in other funeral preparations – they remain onenim. If the delay is prolonged and there is nothing for them to do in the interim, they will not be onenim.177

Aside from not doing mitzvos, an onen has additional restrictions. He may not bathe,178 smear himself with oil or lotions, greet people, take a haircut, participate in joyous events, work179 or have marital relations.180

An onen is also forbidden to learn Torah.181 If a pertinent halachic issue arises up and he needs to check it up, he may do so.182

167 Mishnah Berurah 71:1.

168 This includes not answering amen to berachos recited by others (Shulchan Aruch, Yoreh Deah 341:1).

169 Shulchan Aruch, Orach Chaim 71:1 with Mishnah Berurah 4. An onen is not permitted to transgress any prohibition, Biblical or rabbinic (Beiur Halachah, s.v. Mi).

170 Berachos, 3:1 cited in Tosafos, Berachos 17b, s.v. V’eino; Rosh 3:1.

171 See Mishnah Berurah 71:5.

172 71:1.

173 Mishnah Berurah 71:6.

174 Mishnah Berurah 71:2. See, however, Mishnah Berurah 55:24, where he rules that this onen may choose to participate in a minyan (and presumably to perform other mitzvos as well). It is also reported that when the daughter of R’ Yosef Shalom Elyashiv passed away, he instructed his sons who were in a different city to daven and recite berachos (Tziyunei Halachah, p. 53).

175 Rosh, Berachos 3:3.

176 Based on Mishnah Berurah 71:11.

177 Gesher Hachaim 18:1:4, based on Shulchan Aruch, Yoreh Deah, 341:4 and Noda BiYehudah, Yoreh Deah, Tinyana 211.

178 He may not wash any part of his body with hot water, nor may he wash his whole body even with cold water (Shulchan Aruch, Yoreh Deah 381:1 regarding an aveil).

179 He is prohibited from doing work as a mourner is, as delineated in Yoreh Deah 380.

180 Rema, Yoreh Deah 341:5. Note: Shulchan Aruch rules that an onen may not sit on a bed, which would also include sitting on a chair. Yet, this does not seem to be the accepted custom; see Baddei Hashulchan 341:96 and Gesher Hachaim 18, footnote 5.

181 Hagahos R’ Akiva Eiger, Yoreh Deah 341:1; Magen Avraham 548:8.

182 Elef Hamagen 596:8.