Some families have the custom of singing benching together at the Shabbos table, is this allowed? Or is there a problem saying Hashem's name while one’s wife is singing along?

The singing voice of a woman is considered ערוה and one may not listen to a woman sing.[1] The Shulchan and Rema [2] extend this to Krias Shema as well and just as one may not see ערוה when reciting Shema so too one may not recite Krias Shema if he hears a woman singing; this includes his own wife.[3] It should be noted that many Rishonim disagree with this extension and maintain that one may recite Krias Shema when hearing the singing voice of his wife.[4] The Beis Yosef [5] adds that this is not limited to Krias Shema and includes other דברים שבקדושה . In fact, the Mishnah Berura [6] writes that one should not learn Torah in the presence of ערוה .

Based on this, R Elyashiv [7] writes that one should not sing Shabbos Zemiros along with his wife. This is because the Zemiros contain Torah or דברים שבקדושה and cannot be said while hearing women singing.[8] R’ Shlomo Zalman [9] has a more lenient approach and he allows for a family to sing Zemiros together, even though there is Torah content in the Zemiros. In fact, he writes that אשת חיל may be sung together even though it is pesukim from ספר משלי, because one is not “learning” when hearing a women sing, rather one is singing praise with those pesukim.[10] The common custom is to rely on Rav Shlomo Zalman to sing Zemiros together, however, reciting Birchas Hamazon while women are singing Zemiros or Birchas Hamazon is a greater challenge. After all, the text of Birchas Hamazon are actual Brachos and thus similar to Krias Shema. Nonetheless, there is some room for leniency, at least to defend those who have the practice to sing Birchas Hamazon with their wives or adult daughters.[11] In a well-known teshuvah, the Sridei Eish (2:8) cites from the Chasan Sofer as well as other Poskim who felt that Kol Isha doesn’t apply if there are numerous voices. This is based upon the gemara ^[12] that two voices cannot be heard simultaneously. However, the Tzitz Eliezer [13] points out that many Poskim disagree with this leniency for a host of reasons. The Sridei Eish also mentions a leniency of the Divrei Chafetz cited by the Sdei Chemed [14] that Kol Isha doesn’t apply to Zemiros because they are holy songs, as the assumption is that men will not derive pleasure from those songs. This idea too is rejected by most Poskim.

Still there are a few possible avenues toward leniency. The Rema [15] writes that Krias Shema may not be recited when hearing a woman sing, however, he then adds אבל קול הרגיל בו אינו ערוה. While many [16] understand this to mean the spoken voice, the Ateres Tzvi [17] believes that it refers to the singing voice that one has become accustomed to, and thus one may say Krias Shema while his wife is singing so long as he is accustomed to it. Based upon this, R’ Yisrael Yaakov Fisher [18] allows for family Zemiros as the family members are certainly accustomed to hearing their relatives sing. The same would then apply to Birchas Hamazon [19]. Additionally, the Shulchan Aruch Harav [20] writes that if one can daven or recite Krias Shema without paying attention to the women singing it would be allowed. Lastly, as noted above, according to many Rishonim the prohibition of Kol Isha doesn’t apply in the realm of Krias Shema altogether. Thus, if a family has the custom of singing Birchas Hamazon together, there is certainly sufficient room to be lenient.

[1] Brachos 24a, Shulchan Aruch Even Haezer 21:1

[2] Orach Chaim 75:3

[3] Mishnah Berurah 17 notes that the singing voice of a foreign woman is always forbidden, the Shulchan Aruch is adding that the singing voice of one’s own wife is deemed to be ערוה when reciting Shema.

[4] See Birchei Yosef (75:2) who understands this to be the view of the Rosh, Rif and Rambam.

[5] 75:1

[6] 75:19

[7] Koveitz Teshuvos 3:10

[8] See Pischei Teshuva (195:10) who is uncertain if one may hear his wife sing during the time that she is forbidden to him. The Aruch Hashulchan (195:23) and R’ Moshe Feinstein (Iggros Moshe Y”D 2:75) are strict while R’ Ovadiah Yosef (Yabia Omer Y”D 4:25) writes that there is significant room to be lenient (see Beis Shmuel (E”H 21:4) as well as the Prisha (21:2).

[9] Halichos Shlomo, Tefillah 20:11.

[10] See Teshuvos Chasam Sofer (5, addendum 190).

[11] See Imrei Yaakov Even Haezer pg. 94-95 for an extensive discussion on this matter.

[12] Megillah 21b

[13] 14:7

[14] Kuf, 42

[15] 75:3

[16] Shulchan Aruch Harav 6, Levush 3

[17] 75:6

[18] Teshuvos Even Yisrael (9 pg. 58)

[19] Moreover, it is arguable that the traditional sing song of Birchas Hamazon may not qualify as “singing”. See Shulchan Aruch 283:3.

[20] 75:6 ואפילו קול זמר אם יכול לכוין לבו לתפלתו בענין שאינו שומעו ואינו משים לב אליו מותר