It would be logical to think the rabbi recites a birchat ha-mitzvah, a blessing on the mitzvah of marriage, before the groom gives a ring to his bride. Aruch HaShulchan, Even HaEzer 34;1, points out problems with the idea.

We first bless/praise God for sanctifying us with His mitzvot, so far so good, similar to other birchot ha-mitzvah, then we add “and commanded us about prohibited marital relationships, prohibited arusot, betrothed women,” along with some more words, before concluding with a berachah. AH wonders why this one is so long, when most birchot ha-mitzvah read just, “sanctified us with His mitzvot and commanded us to x.” He also questions blessing God for prohibiting certain relationships, and why we mention chuppah, part of the second stage of marriage, nisu’in, not the current kiddushin.

Rosh raised this last point; it used to be a stronger question, when Jews kept the two ceremonies separate, had kiddushin and then, up to a year later, nisuin.

[I used to learn with someone who loved pointing out serendipity, when things “randomly” crop up when relevant. Here, the example AH uses when he wonders why we speak of God prohibiting arayot gives us one. He notes we don’t bless God for prohibiting live animals to us in the berachah on shechitah, the mitzvah to kill an animal a certain way to make its meat kosher. That’s ever min ha-chai, last week’s topic! Serendipity!]

Maybe It’s Not a Birchat Ha-Mitzvah

Ran questions the assumption. We only make blessings just before we complete a mitzvah, where kiddushin is the first step. Perhaps more significantly, Rosh points out that the mitzvah isn’t kiddushin or nisu’in, it’s having children, and can be accomplished without marriage (such as with a pilegesh, a concubine, a minefield of a topic I can leave for another time).

A man who has already had children might not be required to marry at all, or may marry a woman unable to bear children. Men who are naturally infertile can marry whomsoever, and in none of these cases is there a mitzvah element of having children.

Marriage is the usual and preferred way to fulfill the obligation, but not the sole one, says Ran, and therefore doesn’t need a birchat ha-mitzvah. In contrast to shechitah, not required but the only way to access kosher meat. For a birchat ha-mitzvah, indispensability matters.

To Mark the Occasion

In se’if three, AH writes that Hashem didn’t want the mitzvah to happen without being noticed aloud. When calling it a mitzvah, I think he means the prescribed practice to create the usual vehicle of the obligation, although there are other reasons for marriage, too, as we saw back in the beginning of Even Ha-Ezer.

To do so, Chazal articulated a blessing that notes the special sanctity of the Jewish people around marital issues. It starts with God choosing us, teaching us what constitute wrong relationships, showing us how marriage best occurs [this is not the place, but if you think a bit about why Hashem required two-stage marriage for Jews, there is a lesson in the sanctity of the institution].

For AH, the blessing emphasizes the need for chuppah to be sure people not think the couple may live together right after kiddushin. Shittah Mekubetzet added that in our days, when we combine the two, the mention of chuppah fits even better.

Why a Long Berachah

Once it is not a birchat ha-mitzvah, its longer form is not as much of a problem, but AH offers more explanations, in se’if four. First, the several topics we want to mention led Chazal to give it a full closing blessing, although it is really a short berachah. Also, the language of kedushah, sanctity, appears here as it does in the berachah we make on Shabbat and holidays. Those berachot refer to both Creation and the Exodus, enough to be long berachot, we do the same here, where we mention the sanctity of the Jewish people and marriage.

Ramban suggested the reference to chuppah ve-kiddushin at the end of the berachah (an odd order, since kiddushin comes first) was about the Jewish people’s entrance into the covenant at Sinai, when Hashem gave the Torah.

The chuppah was the mountain Hashem held over our heads, and the actual giving was the kiddushin. AH likes the idea, because it also explains the reverse order, Hashem brought us under the chuppah, then did the betrothal, as it were, which is what we bless in our berachah.

[He doesn’t go into it, but if our berachah at kiddushin takes us back to Sinai, it seems to go both ways—the Jewish people’s experience at Sinai was like a wedding, and our experience at weddings is like Sinai. Food for thought.]

In se’if six, AH notes a disagreement about the closing of the berachah, with Rambam stopping at mekadesh amo Yisrael, Who sanctifies His nation Israel, the rest of the world adding al yedei chuppah ve-kiddushin, through the vehicle of the chuppah and kiddushin.

When to Say It

Rambam, Laws of Marriage 3;23, nonetheless applies the rules of birchat ha-mitzvah to this blessing, requires it be said before the kiddushin [I once forgot to; read on for the options an incompetent rabbi such as myself has in that situation. I also was at a wedding where the rabbi blessed the wine after this blessing, I think also an error]. In his birchat ha-mitzvah framework, a blessing not made before is lost, would be a wasted blessing if made after.

Ra’avad and others think the blessing is only properly made after kiddushin, because we make blessings before a mitzvah only where we are the only human actors, so we have more control of whether the mitzvah comes to fruition, Hagahot Maimoniyot points out. Here, the woman might change her mind and reject the ring, wasting the blessing.

In a responsum, Rosh accepted Rambam’s view, which would imply that we see this as a birchat ha-mitzvah despite all said until now. Except we do not follow Rambam’s rejection of saying the berachah after the kiddushin if it was forgotten before. As long as the couple is still under the chuppah, says AH, we can make the berachah, because it’s a blessing on the sanctity of the Jewish people.

Who Says It

Rambam’s certainty it is a birchat ha-mitzvah shows itself also in his requiring the groom or his messenger, the one performing the mitzvah, to recite the blessing.

Beit Shemu’el disagreed for a technical reason, we generally do not require people to perform rare ceremonies, to not embarrass the ignorant. Just as we have someone read the Torah on behalf of the person called up and for farmers who bring first fruits—each theoretically supposed to read himself—we have someone else read it here.

AH offers a more conceptual idea, we in fact see it as a blessing on the sanctity of the Jewish people, making others equally appropriate to recite it.

The Drink

In se’ifim 9-10, AH cites the custom to recite the blessing with a cup of wine or beer in hand, as we do to solemnize all sorts of ceremonies. When we have such a cup, we make the blessing on the liquid first, then the kiddushin. If no wine or beer is available, it is not essential, and we would recite just the blessing itself.

Two unusual issues with this cup: first, we generally expect the person who recites the birchat ha-nehenin, the blessing made before enjoying a physical pleasure, to indulge that pleasure itself. Here, although the person conducting the ceremony recites the blessing on the wine, custom has only the bride and groom drink from it.

AH thinks this is fine, because that’s how it was instituted, although he concedes it would be better if the mesader kiddushin, the rabbi performing the ceremony, drank. [When I was in yeshiva, we were told some rabbis would spill a bit of the wine on their hands as they passed the cup to the bride and groom, and slurp that. AH thinks it unnecessary.]

Second, there is no need here to drink the majority of the cup, contrary to most situations of kos shel berachah, the cup accompanying a blessing. This is a cup to be tasted, not drunk.

The Crowd

The ceremony of erusin ideally takes place with ten men present, seven aside from the witnesses and groom, and they may be relatives of the couple (they are not there to witness legally, only colloquially/ ceremonially). “Ideally” is the view of Rambam and the consensus, this is a desideratum rather than a requirement, in contrast to She’iltot to Chayyei Sarah, who seemed to think it a necessity.

(Se’ifim 10-12 discuss what to do if the berachah was not recited at the kiddushin at all, a circumstance unlikely enough in our times—and where his consideration is whether it can be said at the much later nisu’in, which is completely not true in our times—that I am going to leave it undiscussed.)

The berachah on kiddushin, a vehicle to consider the mitzvah component of marriage, to think about what we are celebrating with this stage of marriage, a key component of the sanctity of the Jewish people.

Adapted from articles previously published on Torah Musings