Shemoneh Esrei 21: Progressive Forgiveness

השיבנו אבינו לתורתך, וקרבנו מלכנו לעבודתך, והחזירנו בתשובה שלמה לפניך

Bring us back, our Father, to Your Torah, and bring us near, our King, to Your service, and influence us to return in perfect repentance before You.

This brachah is placed immediately after the brachah for daas (knowledge), because if we are blessed with intellect and insight, that will lead us to the process of t’shuvah.  The more we understand, the more we come to realize the depths of our earlier shortcomings.  This continual process of our expanding understanding and subsequent fresh analysis of previous shortcomings leads us to fresh and deeper t’shuvah.

Rav Saadiah Gaon (882-942 CE) once stayed at an inn.  The innkeeper, not knowing who he was, placed him in a simple room and served him just as he served every other guest.  Later, when the innkeeper was made aware of who this man was, he cried profusely and begged Rav Saadiah Gaon to forgive him.  Rav Saadiah Gaon told the man that there was no need for forgiveness as he was treated well.  The man responded that had he known that he was Rav Saadiah Gaon, he would have treated him as royalty and that is why he is begging for forgiveness.  Hearing these words, Rav Saadiah himself burst into tears.  He explained that just as this innkeeper’s level of service increases with his recognition of the identity of his guest, so too must our service to Hashem increase as our recognition and understanding increase.  Rav Saadiah Gaon would tell his talmidim to examine their ways every day (even if they did not perceive any changes).  [based on the sefer Shemoneh Esrei by HaRav Avraham Chaim Feuer, ArtScroll]

Often, after we have grown in our service to and our relationship with Hashem, we look back at earlier periods of our lives and/or at certain recurring acts or events, and we are struck with a deeper sense of regret over our previous inadequacies.  This indeed can and should lead to an even greater t’shuvah.  But at the same time, we should feel a profound sense of gratitude to Hashem for the growth we have experienced and for bringing us closer to Him.

It is interesting to note that it is only in this brachah and the next one that we refer to Hashem as our Father.  When we increase our contemplation about the great awesomeness of Hashem, His great chesed that He bestows upon us, and the great love that Hashem has for klal Yisrael, a powerful love will certainly be ignited within us and we will long to cling to Hashem, like a baby to a parent.  We will see that He is truly our Father and we will desire to [return to Him and] do for Him as we do for an earthly father. [M’silas Y’sharim, perek 21]