Tisha B'av - Greeting People

Among the restrictions of Tisha B'av is that of greeting people, referred to as the prohibition of "sheilat shalom". ^[1] This, as most other Tisha B'av restrictions, are in order to comply with all laws which apply to a mourner during the shiva period,^[2] as on Tisha B'av, all Jews are in mourning for the Beit Hamikdash. One who is greeted on Tisha B'av by one who may not know this halacha, should not completely ignore the greeting lest doing so embarrass the other person, but should offer a return greeting in a mournful manner.[3] While some authorities include the saying of "good morning" or "hello" in the prohibition of sheilat shalom,^[4] it is not entirely clear if such a greeting is indeed included in the prohibition.^[5]

In order to properly understand the prohibition of greeting others on Tisha B'av and what it entails, one must first understand what the definition and essence of "sheilat shalom" truly is. When one Jew meets another he traditionally greets him with "Shalom Aleichem," and the other returns the greeting with "Aleichem Shalom". This form of greeting a fellow Jew was actually instituted by the sages. [6] Greeting a fellow Jew in this way allows one to do so with one of God's names, as "Shalom" is one of the names of God.^[7] Shalom does not merely mean "hello" as it is commonly used in everyday Hebrew, but rather a greeting of "Shalom Aleichem" is actually a prayer that the person one is greeting be blessed with peace and that God rest upon them.[8]

As such, a number of halachic authorities have distinguished between the traditional greeting of "Shalom Aleichem" and modern-day expressions of greetings, acknowledgement, and recognition. While it seems quite reasonable to suggest that using God's name when in mourning is inappropriate, saying "hello" should be no worse than any of the other mundane exchanges which take place on Tisha B'av, or in a house or mourning, for that matter. When one picks up the telephone the first word one says is always a "hello" which is not truly a greeting at all, but rather an expression of readiness to engage in conversation. There is no prohibition on conversation on Tisha B'av or in a house of mourning.

As such, offering another Jew a "Shalom Aleichem" is more of a religious act than a greeting. Common expressions such as "hello", "good morning", and the like, are simply not in the same category as "Shalom Aleichem" in either depth, structure, or status. As the Be'er Heitev writes: "It is possible to say that since most of our greetings today consist of simply "good morning", it is not the true sheilat shalom [which is forbidden]…Furthermore it says in the Beit Yosef…that saying "hello" is permissible. It also seems from the Darkei Moshe that greetings are only forbidden when one mentions God's name…Anything else is not sheilat shalom".^[9] It is also permitted to wish someone "mazal tov" on Tisha B'av,[10] to say "yasher ko'ach", or to ask someone how they are feeling.[11]

As such, it is reasonable to suggest that the type of greeting which is forbidden on Tisha B'av or by one who is in mourning is one which includes the name of God. Somewhat related to this is the prohibition on greeting another person every day of the year before one has prayed the Shacharit service.^[12] Here too, the prohibition is specifically greeting a person with God's name, the "Shalom Aleichem", and not merely a "hello" or "good morning".^[13]

While it might just be that those who choose to be strict and not offer any greeting whatsoever on Tisha B'av or when in mourning are following a preferred course, it cannot be suggested, however, that a simple salutation or acknowledgment is in violation of halacha. One who feels that it is rude or uncomfortable to pass others without an acknowledgement of some sort on Tisha B'av should feel free to nod one's head[14] or to offer a somber "hello" without reservation.^[15] Often merely saluting another person by saying their name in a somewhat formal manner and tone of voice accomplishes the same thing, as well. 

I once heard a fantastic explanation in the name of Rabbi Meir Twersky on why it is forbidden to greet another person on Tisha B'av. One of the reasons the Beit Hamikdash was destroyed was due to sinat chinam, baseless hatred between Jews. By abstaining from greeting others on Tisha B'av, it causes one to reassess what a greeting truly is. A real greeting is certainly not the mindless "Hello, how ya doing?" that many people robotically offer when meeting another person. When one goes an entire day without greeting another person it is intended to have one contemplate and realize what a greeting should truly be, and by extension, the value of friendship.

[1] OC 554:20.

[2] YD 385:1.

[3] Chayei Adam 135:13; Kitzur Shulchan Aruch 124:13.

[4] Mishna Berura 554:41.

[5] Rema, YD 385:1, Leket Yosher p. 110, Rivevot Ephraim 2:155:28

[6] Berachot 9:5.

[7] Shabbat 10b.

[8] Meiri, Berachot 638

[9] Be'er Heitev, YD 385:1.

[10] L'horot Natan 2:37, Az Nidberu 13:6; Halichot Shlomo, Tisha B'av, Chapter 15 note 30 .

[11] Emet L'yaakov 554.

[12] OC 89:2.

[13] OC 89:2.

[14] Ritva, Moed Katan 27b.

[15] Be'er Moshe 4:106; Nahar Mitzrayim, Aveilut, 125; Leket Yosher p.110.